* Be aware of how traumatic an event in life this is! This particular kind of death, the act of taking one's own life, is usually unexpected and can be violent. The worst has just happened! Nothing rocks one's foundation like this kind of loss, calling into question one's beliefs, values, relationship with a Higher Power, and one's own assumptions about the world!

* The aftermath of a suicide can feel very turbulent. Some survivors feel completely shocked by the loss, feeling numb, and blind sided. For some, the feelings of anger or anguish can be intense...like there may be no end to the tears. Many survivors feel out of control of their emotions and fear breaking down in places that aren't safe. Some days it is hard to even get out of bed. Progress is one foot forward, one day or minute at a time.

* Coping after the loss and the tasks of grieving can be exhausting! Many go over and over the days or weeks or events precipatating the suicide. It seems like a necessary process to exhaust those questions: Why? How did I miss this? Why didn't they come to me? Why didn't I see the signs? Would of, Could of, Should of? Profound sadness may accompany yearning for a different outcome and knowing we don't have a chance to do it over again.

* Healing is a process over time and best occurs in the context of supportive relationships. Survivors can experience a gamut of physical and emotional symptoms. I often say, one can not get enough support! Some seek individual therapy or medication if the symptoms interfere with life functioning. But what we hear most at the Survivors of Suicide group is that by telling one's story over and over and feeling the feelings with a group of people who have been there and understand like no onelse, can be a very valuable tool in one's recovery.

Jaacqui Wilhelmi-Carpenter, MSSW, Clinical Substance Abuse Counselor, SOS Support Staff

SOS of Dan County Newsletter Oct. 2010

If there is anything I have learned in these years of "belonging" to the SOS forum ... its that the impact of loss needs to be recognized and continually acknowledged.

Worth a bump!

Once
on a lonely mountain road
contemplating what should occur
Ends?
Had the means
for some awful reason
had felt compelled to believe
ends were the path to pain o'ercome
Not so
the whisper in my ear
as I sat alone thinking, churning, fretting
Don't you think your wife is worrying
just now?
God was right.
That ended all contemplation
weapon sheathed
engine started
hit the headlights
home where I was and remain
LOVED without question
Thank you God
consequences pondered
aid one at the brink
to back away
grasping
HOPE

Thank you Mark...."if only" always comes to my mind. I have always believed that He was right there with Michael when he pulled that trigger.
Did He not whisper...did Michael not hear...I have accepted the outcome but as a mother...I should have known.

I understand the feeling that you should have know I feel the same way,now oldest son being stupid again,he did this crap last year,and last night started it again,so I have been up all night whaighting for him to show up at my door in some messed up shape he is in after a failed attemet,not sure where he is this morning,praying he went to a friends house

I just wanted to say thank you to you all for the words of inceragement, still no word

I continue to hold you in my prayers katmae...keep us posted dear lady.

thank god for friends on the police force they found him and he is now home safe and sound,thank y'all again for your kind words

What good news! So beneficial to be able to obtain protective custodial help when there is a present risk of harm to self. I am thrilled for you and for your brother there is now an opportunity for more work to be done.

Now the hard work of praying him through this commences,
Mark56