* Be aware of how traumatic an event in life this is! This particular kind of death, the act of taking one's own life, is usually unexpected and can be violent. The worst has just happened! Nothing rocks one's foundation like this kind of loss, calling into question one's beliefs, values, relationship with a Higher Power, and one's own assumptions about the world!

* The aftermath of a suicide can feel very turbulent. Some survivors feel completely shocked by the loss, feeling numb, and blind sided. For some, the feelings of anger or anguish can be intense...like there may be no end to the tears. Many survivors feel out of control of their emotions and fear breaking down in places that aren't safe. Some days it is hard to even get out of bed. Progress is one foot forward, one day or minute at a time.

* Coping after the loss and the tasks of grieving can be exhausting! Many go over and over the days or weeks or events precipatating the suicide. It seems like a necessary process to exhaust those questions: Why? How did I miss this? Why didn't they come to me? Why didn't I see the signs? Would of, Could of, Should of? Profound sadness may accompany yearning for a different outcome and knowing we don't have a chance to do it over again.

* Healing is a process over time and best occurs in the context of supportive relationships. Survivors can experience a gamut of physical and emotional symptoms. I often say, one can not get enough support! Some seek individual therapy or medication if the symptoms interfere with life functioning. But what we hear most at the Survivors of Suicide group is that by telling one's story over and over and feeling the feelings with a group of people who have been there and understand like no onelse, can be a very valuable tool in one's recovery.

Jaacqui Wilhelmi-Carpenter, MSSW, Clinical Substance Abuse Counselor, SOS Support Staff

SOS of Dan County Newsletter Oct. 2010

If there is anything I have learned in these years of "belonging" to the SOS forum ... its that the impact of loss needs to be recognized and continually acknowledged.

Worth a bump!

Once
on a lonely mountain road
contemplating what should occur
Ends?
Had the means
for some awful reason
had felt compelled to believe
ends were the path to pain o'ercome
Not so
the whisper in my ear
as I sat alone thinking, churning, fretting
Don't you think your wife is worrying
just now?
God was right.
That ended all contemplation
weapon sheathed
engine started
hit the headlights
home where I was and remain
LOVED without question
Thank you God
consequences pondered
aid one at the brink
to back away
grasping
HOPE

Thank you Mark...."if only" always comes to my mind. I have always believed that He was right there with Michael when he pulled that trigger.
Did He not whisper...did Michael not hear...I have accepted the outcome but as a mother...I should have known.

I understand the feeling that you should have know I feel the same way,now oldest son being stupid again,he did this crap last year,and last night started it again,so I have been up all night whaighting for him to show up at my door in some messed up shape he is in after a failed attemet,not sure where he is this morning,praying he went to a friends house

I'm sorry you are having to go through this again katmae and I pray that he'll come home, having learned something.

Katmae, Sending prayers. That he comes home soon.

Donna

Love restraineth not
but embraces the loved
in ebullient outpouring of affirmation
the one who is loved rises strong in our mind
as that presence who is a blessing
then he has to open his heart
to recognition
pain is fleeting
life is fantastically rich
while the mass of humanity
surrounding each of us who cares
is crying out for one who will survive
to BE a living sacrifice for others
because in pouring selflessly from our well
of spiritual waters
we heal from within
since the balm we would pour out
upon others who hurt
will always
ever
without ceasing
bring healing to our own hurting soul.
I had to learn this and internalize it
then experience and express it bountifully
through which my heart was forever sealed
unto God as a vessel for helping others.
I, who would destroy myself
to bring eternal end to my temporary pain
had to be shown deep within
the pain will ebb
and the fantastic
JOY which wells up
surpasses all pain I had ever felt
within my psyche.
In my family
the husband to a darling niece
would not hear
and is now absent.
If only to open the heart and mind and ears of your son
God will inspire recognition
maybe, just maybe, your son may rejoice
I have
it was not easy at first
but then the road which is hardest
and has the most twists
obstacles
holes
boulders to circumnavigate
presents the greater treasure
in finding its object
had the road been too easy
I might not have realized
its importance
Glory to God for making it just difficult enough
so
I
would
yield.

Thus I pray for you and your son,
Amen,
Mark56

How can one know the depths of the mind
of the bearer of torment?
God can
I saw
my family knew
but surviving as all crumbled around us
to rubble
was so much for them to handle
it was
me and God
God and me
I HAD TO YIELD
anything else was
selfishness on my part.
Might you have known as his mother?
Possibly.
The hands were his though
and he had to be willing to yield
as I had to be willing to yield
[oh God, the tears are streaming down my face right now]
surrendering that within me which would scream
I hold the key to my life
was the means to deliver my spirit unto God
for until that moment
although I had "practiced" faith and love and charity
it was hollow and meaningless without complete surrender
I
had to give it up
my life definitely in the firm grasp of God now
the balm for my soul
which could allow
God's great work of healing
within this shattered being
Selfishness
had to go.
You were not responsible for your son
yes you loved and still love him immeasurably
yet, the surrender of soul had to come
from within him
a choice you could not make for him
just as my beloved wife
could not make the choice for me.
Probably more than anything
necessary to healing for we who remain
is a sense of forgiveness
to those who went before
by their own hand
for in selfishness
they brought temporary pain to conclusion
in a way which deprived others of the blessing
of knowing how survival might shape
the heart
the spirit
freeing LOVE
to be expressed boundlessly.
Oh, that we might all be able to forgive
those who willfully departed
so healing might overwhelm us
the ache of absence will not depart
but the wholeness which comes through forgiveness
will swell hearts to overflowing
so we may move forward.

Now if we can only help
those who are tempted
to examine selfishness
to abandon self pride
to grasp the almighty
who is the means to everlasting joy
we may have the blessing of
aiding still another
who should avoid
the very decision
with which the deceiver
had me wrestling
in that oh so lonely
dark
place
of life.

I choose life
through Christ
who enables me.

Loving all of you,
Mark56