* Be aware of how traumatic an event in life this is! This particular kind of death, the act of taking one's own life, is usually unexpected and can be violent. The worst has just happened! Nothing rocks one's foundation like this kind of loss, calling into question one's beliefs, values, relationship with a Higher Power, and one's own assumptions about the world!

* The aftermath of a suicide can feel very turbulent. Some survivors feel completely shocked by the loss, feeling numb, and blind sided. For some, the feelings of anger or anguish can be intense...like there may be no end to the tears. Many survivors feel out of control of their emotions and fear breaking down in places that aren't safe. Some days it is hard to even get out of bed. Progress is one foot forward, one day or minute at a time.

* Coping after the loss and the tasks of grieving can be exhausting! Many go over and over the days or weeks or events precipatating the suicide. It seems like a necessary process to exhaust those questions: Why? How did I miss this? Why didn't they come to me? Why didn't I see the signs? Would of, Could of, Should of? Profound sadness may accompany yearning for a different outcome and knowing we don't have a chance to do it over again.

* Healing is a process over time and best occurs in the context of supportive relationships. Survivors can experience a gamut of physical and emotional symptoms. I often say, one can not get enough support! Some seek individual therapy or medication if the symptoms interfere with life functioning. But what we hear most at the Survivors of Suicide group is that by telling one's story over and over and feeling the feelings with a group of people who have been there and understand like no onelse, can be a very valuable tool in one's recovery.

Jaacqui Wilhelmi-Carpenter, MSSW, Clinical Substance Abuse Counselor, SOS Support Staff

SOS of Dan County Newsletter Oct. 2010