i agree about seeing a therapist. they can help. good therapists anyway. try until you find one you like. in the first appointment, ask questions - about approach, about their training. their answers, as much as their willingness to answer, as much as the way in which they answer, will help you decide if you will feel at ease with that person.

the therapist does need to be competent.
but even with a competent therapist, it must also be someone you can relate to/feel ok with....

you might be able to narrow some things down beforehand:

- would you automatically feel more comfortable with a woman than a man? or depends on personality?
- are there specific characteristics you "need" from a therapist eg:
not pushy, or maybe, a little pushy
tends to take lead easily, vs. lets you take lead

whatever you can think of. if you have sought counsel with a friend/relative, you could ask yourself these questions regarding your experience:

- what things did you appreciate that your friend/relative did?
- what things would you have wanted your friend/relative to do, even though they did not?
those are things to look for in a therapist

- what behaviors/characteristics annoyed you about the way your friend/relative spoke/listened?
those are things to avoid in a therapist.

Now, behaviors can be negotiable.... you can tell the therapist your needs. But if a behavior really reflects a characteristic of theirs, then it tends not to be negotiable. it might take a little courage/inquisitiveness on your part, to expose your needs and find out whether the therapist is "set" on certain things or flexible and open to different behaviors.

i hope this is not too cryptic. this is pretty condensed feedback from experiences i have had in therapy. i have had several therapists. currently, i am with the same therapist for the past 7 years. we have had conflicts. but i appreciate many things about him. usually we can come to an understanding that reconciles my needs with his tendencies, and resolve conflicts in a way that satisfies both my needs and his personal tendencies.

feel free to pm me, if you have questions in general, or if you see someone and have some specific questions regarding the interaction.

wishing you the best.... AND

MANY HAPPY RETURNS!!!!!

~ waves ~

Thank you guys ! Always caring about me

Waves I loved the pic ! Thanks !

I have the phone number of a therapist... I just have to take the decicion !

waves such excellent advice... and I'm so glad you've found what works between you and your therapist...

well, dear ... just remember this... IF it is to BE, it is up to ME!
Only YOU can make the change you so dearly long for... and many of us here know it isn't easy... we're here... and we understand how hard it is to make that first step... and that second and that third.... and every one that came before and comes after...

we're here to hold you up!
xo

Here is hoping you had the best birthday ever....your always in my thoughts and prayers!! Love you my dear

Ah my friend I'm sorry I missed your birthday


hug:

Hope you had a great day