[July63]

Okay, this afternoon my psychiatrist listed me as a high suicide risk. This basically lists me in some databases and there goes any life insurance I may ever want. Because of my TBI I do not believe I will ever get better; I have been fighting to get my Aricept raised to 23mg to keep me from major decline. It isn't a no, but my dr wants to wait. Most of my responses to life is emotional because I cannot remember what I said the day before. My dr wants me to go to DBT therapy.

My doctor wrote out a safety plan for me but he asked me to add to it and that is where I need help. I am going to share my suicide safety plan but if you read this, you have to promise to add something. I have been basically wanted to jump in front of a subway on January 1 at 11:11am but AT THIS MOMENT I HAVE CHANGED MY MIND (There is always Nov 11 is what my stupid mind thinks)

Okay, without further ado.. the suicide plan my doctor gave me. Remember that this is my plan. I need help to add to it.

***

Step 1: Recongizing warning signs (These signs indicate that I may be starting to get suicidal)
1. Feeling down on myself
2. Things are never going to get better
3. I just don't feel like I have much of a life.

Step 2: Using Internal coping strategies (These activities may help me distract myself from thoughts about suicide)
1. Watch TV
2. Go online
3. Try to find websites to talk me out of it.

Step 3: Social contacts who may distract from the crisis (These social activites and people may help me distract myself from thinking about suicide)
1. Being with my dog
2. Clean my house

Step 4: Family or friends who may offer help (These are people that I would be willing to talk to about my thoughts of suicide in order to help me stay safe)
1. Suicide Hotline (800) 273-8255
2. My dad

Step 5: Professional and agencies to contact for help
1. Therapist
2. Psychiatrist
3. 24-hour emergency treatment (911)
4. 24-hour emergency VA hotline (800) 273-8255

Step 6: Making the enviroment safe (these are steps I will take to limit access to means to kill myself)
1. Stay away from trains when I am feeling down.
2. Reducing alcohol intake

***

Okay, there it is. Lonely me exposed to the world. I think part of me is trying to save my life. All I ever wanted is someone whom I could look at their face and say I love them. I ask for a lot. I am not perfect; and this is a time I need help. Help.