I read the posts here, though don't usually respond. what if you have children and family who wish you dead? Who exactly would you hurt if your folks are gone and your friends would understand? Just a thought since my kids are trying to make me homeless. I wonder about my choices since I do not wish to be on the streets. Yes I am getting help from attorneys. I am getting council. Being disabled on the street does not have much appeal for me, nor does living in a housing project, or in my car. I have to bring my family to court. This is not fun, nor is there guarantee that I would win and find a way to keep my home. The gov. didn't abide by my family trust and I am being made to uphold this same document. I am held in place by a family trust and being blackmailed by my son in law, this on top of 8 surgerys in 8 years. I am real tired, and to tell you the truth this site is what I keep going back to for support. I also have no money and must beg for pro-bono work. This is where I am at now, all in all really angry at my family. I could care less what they thought. ginnie

ginnie, your "choices" aren't very appealing and I'm so sorry. Not only are you living with physical pain but the pain of family betrayal. Hard to find a "reason to live" but that's what you need. I'd care if you weren't here..you are valuable to me as a friend, someone willing to share with "strangers" their intermost fears. Strangers picked me up off the floor years ago and gave me back my life....may we try to do the same for you? You matter!!!

Thank you for allowing me my truth. I have been praying for a long time now, almost 9 years, that I have not been allowed to see my daughter. I have to take my family to court now, and I am wondering if I will have the strength to look my daughter in her eyes, I think I would be sick to my stomach right in the court house. I have been black-mailed to a degree by a family trust. Yesterday at my lowest, I did receive a bonified miracle. A judge will take my case pro-Bono. He thinks I do have a case, and now my real fight for my existance begins. After all my health conditions I wonder how I am going to be strong enough to deal with what is coming into my life. I stirred up the bees nest in my family now, and they are a bit africanized. I am not strong right now, I have been working on this issue for all of these 9 years. My health as people know here hasn't been so great. Two doctors are waiting to do their tests on me and I won't do it now. I am refusing all medical until this issue is resolved and I again have some hope in my life. I cannot fight with a law suit and still take care of all my medical problems. It is too much for me to handle. Thank you all for your prayers. I need them as much as all of you do. I am here, I will be here, I am not going anywhere, and no to heaven right now eithor. I do want to see this through, to gain control of my life again when it has been controlled to every degree by somebody else. Please keep in touch alfie and all of you in this forum. I am very afraid, and sad that my family wishes me ill. Money does terrible things to families. Greed can ruin a person. I have been witness to greed, selfishnes, and down right ill will from my family. It is really sick. You all seem to have such strenght, and I feel my strengh is at an all time low. This is the time I need to stand straight and face the issue with courage. How do I do that? Ginnie

My daughter was called by that nick name when she was little, ginnie

bumping this for ginnie.....page 3.

I believe that most people doing suicide attempts do already know the people he/she would be leaving behind. During my attempts, I was so depressed and in so much pain, I honestly believed that I was a terrible person and that all of my loved ones would be better off without me!

That kind of depression is truly a Beast! And the people that love you are so glad you are still here Mickey, and that includes me.

If you are feeling suicidal now, please stop long enough to read this. It will only take about five minutes. I do not want to talk you out of your bad feelings. I am not a therapist or other mental health professional - only someone who knows what it is like to be in pain.
I don't know who you are, or why you are reading this page. I only know that for the moment, you're reading it, and that is good. I can assume that you are here because you are troubled and considering ending your life. If it were possible, I would prefer to be there with you at this moment, to sit with you and talk, face to face and heart to heart. But since that is not possible, we will have to make do with this.
I have known a lot of people who have wanted to kill themselves, so I have some small idea of what you might be feeling. I know that you might not be up to reading a long book, so I am going to keep this short. While we are together here for the next five minutes, I have five simple, practical things I would like to share with you. I won't argue with you about whether you should kill yourself. But I assume that if you are thinking about it, you feel pretty bad.
Well, you're still reading, and that's very good. I'd like to ask you to stay with me for the rest of this page. I hope it means that you're at least a tiny bit unsure, somewhere deep inside, about whether or not you really will end your life. Often people feel that, even in the deepest darkness of despair. Being unsure about dying is okay and normal. The fact that you are still alive at this minute means you are still a little bit unsure. It means that even while you want to die, at the same time some part of you still wants to live. So let's hang on to that, and keep going for a few more minutes.


Start by considering this statement:

Suicide is not chosen; it happens
when pain exceeds
resources for coping with pain.

That's all it's about. You are not a bad person, or crazy, or weak, or flawed, because you feel suicidal. It doesn't even mean that you really want to die - it only means that you have more pain than you can cope with right now. If I start piling weights on your shoulders, you will eventually collapse if I add enough weights... no matter how much you want to remain standing. Willpower has nothing to do with it. Of course you would cheer yourself up, if you could.

Don't accept it if someone tells you, "That's not enough to be suicidal about." There are many kinds of pain that may lead to suicide. Whether or not the pain is bearable may differ from person to person. What might be bearable to someone else, may not be bearable to you. The point at which the pain becomes unbearable depends on what kinds of coping resources you have. Individuals vary greatly in their capacity to withstand pain.
When pain exceeds pain-coping resources, suicidal feelings are the result. Suicide is neither wrong nor right; it is not a defect of character; it is morally neutral. It is simply an imbalance of pain versus coping resources.
You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two things: (1) find a way to reduce your pain, or (2) find a way to increase your coping resources. Both are possible.


Now I want to tell you five things to think about.
1You need to hear that people do get through this -- even people who feel as badly as you are feeling now. Statistically, there is a very good chance that you are going to live. I hope that this information gives you some sense of hope.
2Give yourself some distance. Say to yourself, "I will wait 24 hours before I do anything." Or a week. Remember that feelings and actions are two different things - just because you feel like killing yourself, doesn't mean that you have to actually do it right this minute. Put some distance between your suicidal feelings and suicidal action. Even if it's just 24 hours. You have already done it for 5 minutes, just by reading this page. You can do it for another 5 minutes by continuing to read this page. Keep going, and realize that while you still feel suicidal, you are not, at this moment, acting on it. That is very encouraging to me, and I hope it is to you.
3People often turn to suicide because they are seeking relief from pain. Remember that relief is a feeling. And you have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek, if you are dead.
4Some people will react badly to your suicidal feelings, either because they are frightened, or angry; they may actually increase your pain instead of helping you, despite their intentions, by saying or doing thoughtless things. You have to understand that their bad reactions are about their fears, not about you.
But there are people out there who can be with you in this horrible time, and will not judge you, or argue with you, or send you to a hospital, or try to talk you out of how badly you feel. They will simply care for you. Find one of them. Now. Use your 24 hours, or your week, and tell someone what's going on with you. It is okay to ask for help. Try:

• Send an anonymous e-mail to The Samaritans
• Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 (TTY:1-800-799-4TTY)
• (In Australia, call Lifeline Australia at telephone: 13 11 14
• Teenagers, call Covenant House NineLine, 1-800-999-9999
• Look in the front of your phone book for a crisis line
• Call a psychotherapist
• Carefully choose a friend or a minister or rabbi, someone who is likely to listen

But don't give yourself the additional burden of trying to deal with this alone. Just talking about how you got to where you are, releases an awful lot of the pressure, and it might be just the additional coping resource you need to regain your balance.
5Suicidal feelings are, in and of themselves, traumatic. After they subside, you need to continue caring for yourself. Therapy is a really good idea. So are the various self-help groups available both in your community and on the Internet.


Well, it's been a few minutes and you're still with me. I'm really glad.
Since you have made it this far, you deserve a reward. I think you should reward yourself by giving yourself a gift. The gift you will give yourself is a coping resource. Remember, back up near the top of the page, I said that the idea is to make sure you have more coping resources than you have pain. So let's give you another coping resource, or two, or ten...! until they outnumber your sources of pain.

Now, while this page may have given you some small relief, the best coping resource we can give you is another human being to talk with. If you find someone who wants to listen, and tell them how you are feeling and how you got to this point, you will have increased your coping resources by one. Hopefully the first person you choose won't be the last. There are a lot of people out there who really want to hear from you. It's time to start looking around for one of them.

Now: I'd like you to call someone.

And while you're at it, you can still stay with me for a bit. Check out these sources of online help.
Additional things to read at this site:

• How serious is our condition? ..."He only took 15 pills, he wasn't really serious..." if others are making you feel like you're just trying to get attention... read this.
• Why is it so hard for us to recover from being suicidal? ...while most suicidal people recover and go on, others struggle with suicidal thoughts and feelings for months or even years. Suicide and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
• Recovery from grief and loss ...has anyone significant in your life recently died? You would be in good company... many suicidal people have recently suffered a loss.
• The stigma of suicide that prevents suicidal people from recovering: we are not only fighting our own pain, but the pain that others inflict on us... and that we ourselves add to. Stigma is a huge

Thank you for this Alffe. I think this is a valuable information that should not get lost.

I wonder if you might add it to the sticky thread above named "What to do if you are alone and thinking about suicide."

Can't do it Koala, it says that thread is closed. *grin


http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/