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04-01-2011, 03:01 PM | #11 | |||
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Young Senior Elder Member
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Suicide has so many layers for those who are left behind...we have the anger (mine was raging at God) but I was VERY angry at Michael for making that choice, and the guilt..mothers aren't supposed to bury their children...we are supposed to protect them, and I shopped around for someone to blame (his financee..his ex...God again) It took years to sort it all out and arrive at acceptance.
When I reread this post I am reminded of someone at the meeting last Tues. night who had such an emotional reaction to my using the word "choice"..I said to me it was the ultimate F you...that he would choose death over life. She sobbed, "some people who suicide feel like they have no choice. And she is right..I'll be more careful next time, more specific..that I was talking about Michael choosing.
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04-01-2011, 05:36 PM | #12 | ||
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This is the is the problem... it is the ultimate hurt (I think you know this), hurt me real bad... so how could I do this to someone else? Yet I was the only ******* in the family that got married... so now I'm stuck in the middle..
Maybe I am depressed, or maybe i'm angry...but I'm tired of hurting these days.. physically hurting(didn't see too much on that in the article), from a stupid nerve issue, that (amusingly) is not fatal. go figure... |
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04-01-2011, 06:03 PM | #13 | |||
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Young Senior Elder Member
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ds..how long has it been since their deaths? Do you have any support besides your Indian friend? Have you ever tried a support group? They known what you are feeling because they are or have been there. All the things you are feeling...well, I don't know about physically hurting..are normal. The pain is crushing. (((ds)))
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04-01-2011, 09:25 PM | #14 | ||
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04-01-2011, 11:42 PM | #15 | |||
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So many of us turn to ourselves. Be a good friend to you. Do you have any hobbies? That is sometimes a way to get out more. Me, I have my yoga class and I love my garden. My little sunflower seedlings are popped up and the tomatos are gobbling up the sun. I have never heard my tomatoes say a bad thing about me.
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"Thanks for this!" says: | Addy (04-02-2011), Alffe (04-02-2011), barbo (04-02-2011), tamiloo (04-03-2011), wishnomore (04-11-2011) |
04-02-2011, 06:25 AM | #16 | ||
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Last edited by dnserror; 04-02-2011 at 02:40 PM. |
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04-03-2011, 08:02 AM | #17 | ||
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It is, Both the mental and physical.. Always thought I was stronger than that, was gonna do better, was gonna grow up and have a better life, like I dreamed of... Now I just hurt, got enough pain meds to have a block party, tired of them, don't want anymore. To feel somewhat decent means no energy to do anything, even if I wanted to. Fail
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04-03-2011, 11:46 AM | #18 | |||
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Young Senior Elder Member
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Depression won't go away.not by itself..and depression caused by grief is a monster....come to think of it, I have a handout that I've used at our support group about that monster..will look for it and post it if I find it. I wish our David would come and "talk" to you...you'd like him.
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"Thanks for this!" says: | Addy (04-03-2011), barbo (04-03-2011), Doody (04-03-2011), tamiloo (04-03-2011), wishnomore (04-11-2011) |
04-03-2011, 11:49 AM | #19 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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((dns)) I don't think you are a failure. You've just convinced yourself that you are. Have you ever looked for a good therapist? A good one is worth his/her weight in gold.
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04-03-2011, 12:13 PM | #20 | ||
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Not sure if they can think abstactly like that, but I used to fish alotttt ... and when you see a trout come within inches of a fly that you know you tied perfectly and refuse it, or follow a spinner for 20 feet and not bite it, you realize they are not totally stupid... so maybe I've been cursed up, down, and sideways and not realised it.. (although i have been bitten if that counts, not by a trout though)
Who is David? |
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