Jim Auer / Care Notes writes about five habits of those who grieve well and one of my favorites is Gentleness. He writes:

Gentleness - Don't scorch, freeze, or crush the flower. All of us like to think of ourselves as strong and capable. A "mighty oak" or at least a "sturdy maple". And most of the time, we are.

There are different kinds of strength, however. One important kind is the strength to realize our fragility when it is the case. The days of grief are like flowers. They can be scorched with the heat of excess activity. They can be frozen by the icy, chilling mindset. "This will not bother me." They can be crushed in the grip of too many obligations. Gentleness is a very real type of strength. There is a reason why a "real man" is known as a "gentleman". It has to do with the real display of strength - gentleness.

The Healing Garden..Newsletter of compassionatefriends. Aug. 2011 issue

I mentioned the book Tear Soup recently and am reminded that we grieve many things...the loss of anything we love...could be a job, a divorce, a pet, a way of life. Tears are a good thing..a release of pressure and they help to heal us.

Alffe,

Oh I do have a hard time accepting my fragility and gentleness. You know, Mom has to be (fill in the blank)....

Thanks for the reminder, the calm that follows the acceptance is such a relief.

A Grand Day to you Alffe
Free Kittens

blank = all things to all people! Acceptance can be a long stretch!

As we sat in the hospital over our niece who attempted suicide, we discussed our own times when we had to admit needing help. Both of us were strong independent women, and there were times we needed to get over ourselves and let someone else take the wheel once in a while.

Watching my brothers daughter in the bed, at the edge of depression, I remembered when I was there. I explained to my brothers ex-wife (it's a complicated but very close relationship we all have) how hard it was for me to admit that I needed help after my mom's suicide. When I was at the edge of that cliff myself. When it was time to ask for help, getting someone to listen. So many times, when you are at the edge, you don't want to die, you just need help and don't know where to go to ask, so it's a SCREAM for help.

I love that little girl so much, and this thread so reminds me how quickly our lives can go from "Organized and in control, happy and fulfilled".... to "at the edge of a cliff, and scared to face tomorrow"

Keep your networks in tact. Keep your friendship lines open.

How right you are stitches about it being a cry for help instead of a death wish.... Sending positive thoughts to your dear niece for relief from that pain of depression.

http://www.miamiherald.com/2011/08/2...r-someone.html

Succinctly put!

I'm reading the comments too...this is a partial one:

Once upon a time, on a Saturday night you could get brand new episodes of All in The Family, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Bob Newhart, and The Carol Burnette Show -- all for FREE. In the seven nights of any given week now, television doesn't HAVE five programs that good at all.

Read more: http://www.miamiherald.com/2011/08/2...#ixzz1ViMaiVWX

Amen to that!