Thanks for all the kind words. I still am in distress, but I am feeling a bit better. My parents found a note, panicked, and have taken me to my college to see friends and regain hope. They didn't think the bed ridden stuff alone at home was helping my psyche. I am still unsure about returning to school but if my outlook and pain improves I may to keep myself sane. I still feel very suicidal but I am trying to cope. My pain is somewhat better after two nerve blocks and I am praying that they will heal and put this in a state of remission. All I have is faith, but even so I still have little desire to live if this remains the rest of my life.

310 Girl....

Your words are mine spoken or thought many a times. I've been fighting this monster for 8+ years now. The key word now is.... FIGHTING.

Oh how often I have wanted to give up and walk out of my skin, FOREVER. I have a few unsuccessfull attempts.

I won't tell you that you will have good days and bad days... but you will have bad days, better days, and not so bad days.

The others who have written before me offer great information. Please know we understand....there are plenty of members like us... and others who have lost loved ones to suicide. If it weren't for those I wouldn't be
here... I get to see their pain from losing someone to suicide and I would never want to cause my family, friends, other who may love me that kind of pain.

Hang in there.... (I know I hate that term too) but somewhere out there someone is working on something to help us fight this Monster called RSD.

Abbie

310Girl....I'm glad to hear that you have faith because that's a good start. It's something that you can hold onto, even when you feel so alone. I know it's not totally the answer to any problem....because our problems and pains and heartaches and loneliness continue, but it's something that, somehow, gets us through some of the darkness and allows us to see the slightest glimpse of light.

Earlier this year I went through something that I'd never thought would happen to me....and, yes, I wanted to die more than anything. I'll be the first to admit that it was rough...really, really rough. But there are people who depend on me, people who love me, people who care, and the people on here who care tremendously. And I had to learn to love myself again, which was NOT easy! I'm working hard on that...

I hope that we can help you to begin to "feel the fight" that we each have to reach for ourselves. I believe that all of life is some sort of fight...good or bad. But I know, too, that we have an inner strength that can get us through a lot. I hope you know that we all care about you so much.

my dad killed himself when i was 19
he was an amputee before i was born
i'm 50, happily divorced, mother of 4
LOVE BEING A MOM (NEVER A THOUGHT IN MY LIFE, WISHING I DIDN'T HAVE THEM)
MAY I PLEASE SUGGEST ALWAYS HAVE SOMEONE WITH YOU FIND THAT ONE SOMEONE. PLEASE DO NOT ALLOW YOURSELF THE AGONY OF DEPRESSION WITHOUT PROFESSIONAL HELP!
just never be alone, when your feeling it
after my fathers suicide
i thought, how could someone even think it
whatever the situation may have been
but now living with ailments i that i have no control of
as many others do in many different forms
i have been visited by the beast
i was mortified
with all the beautiful wonders in life FAMILY, FRIENDS WHO ARE THERE
ready to catch us
the sunrise and sunset
even on those black cloudy days
the sun shines
i am still in a state of shock that i, thought it, because of physical PAIN
that has taken simple things from my life, my passion cooking and watching my family eat
PLEASE DON'T GO
FAITH IS BLIND,
i love you
sooooo much support here
eva

please read the link
http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/thread157771-4.html

Hi, 310 Girl:

I have been fighting this monster of full body RSD for more than ten years. It is not easy everyday. There are good and there are bad days. I had no support with my family and with my coworkers, so I wanted to die. I thought no one would miss me and everyone would think "good riddance" when I die. Then I remembered my two-year-old baby boy, my police officer boyfriend, and my cat, who I love dearly and who love me dearly also. Besides that, I remembered all the kind and loving people on this forum and other forums. I want to live for all the love all these people gave me.

For your physical pain, you need (I know it is not easy) to find a doctor who will be willing to work with you to find the best combination of medications to help you. Nowadays, there are so many medications that can control the pain of RSD. Hopefully, at least one will be effective for you.

Remember you have parents and friends that love you. You also have the people of this board and other forums to help you and love you. Like you, I still feel suicidal at times, but I push these thoughts away. I think : "I am not going to let this monster of RSD win. I am going to win. I am in control, not this monster." When people tell me I am stronger than I think and that RSD does not deserve that I die for it, it gives me more will to live. I sincerely hope the same will happen with you.

I have chronic, generalized, internal RSD, which means I will live with it for the rest of my life. However, it does not mean RSD has to win. I am determined to fight very hard to win. I believe that someday, scientists will find a cure. You are still young; you could benefit from it. A lot of research is being done by good and qualified doctors. Keep up hope!