Great suggestions - thank you! I do text every day but sometimes get frustrated that I don't get one back and I have to let that go. You are right - just knowing that I told her I loved her and that she read it is enough. I did tell her that my husband that I wanted us to go up every 6 weeks or so and have more of a presence and stay connected. I think I've convinced him that this is a good thing. We've got a bunch of frequent flyer miles so that isn't an issue for us. We were just so much trying to give her space and she did keep pulling away. I asked her if this fall was she pulling away and she said yes. So we have a new start and hopefully we can stay connected.

She had her first counselor visit today and really liked the counselor! We asked her how often she'd be going and she said the counselor said she couldn't make her do anything but our daughter chose to go once a week. We had told her that as far as insurance or money went we'd support her going two times a week if that's what she wanted.

We just talked to her and she seems/sounds really happy and the family member said she is very happy also. I just want her to say if I ask her "uh, I'm not having a good day" if that is the case. She thinks that it was a weakness to get help or ask for help. I shared with her after this happened that I have been in counseling several times and on depression and anxiety medication and that is is ok to take medication. She is doing that and says that after the first week it seems to be starting to help her feel a little better. So, things are looking better.

Thank you all for your support - I felt such a relief once I wrote my first post. Like I finally was in a place that was filled with support and I was right! Thank you for the good ideas!

princess61

Here is on final tactic..............when you do eventually have the face to face talk with your Daughter........just listen to understand................[listen-----------say nothing just absorb,,,the words.........see and feel her emotions,,,,,,,and....take time to reflect............offer no opinion or advice at the time of this conversation................

The day after convey to her you heard her thoughts ..saw her feelings..........understood her turmoil....

and suggest you as Mother and Daughter share a special word...........A trigger word..........a word your daughter chooses that she can say at any second or minuet or hour of the day.............that will stop you in your tracks and make you listen to understand................its an emergency word..that gets her to talk to a true and meaningful person....who agrees to hear her in the moment [should it ever arise]...with calm and non judgmentally...........to help her through that moment


this is hard ...............[as a support worker]...........it will be even harder for you as a Mother..........but if she agrees......you must abide by the rule...............
let her talk.you listen...[shushhhhh]....................
get through the moment of pressure........then be her mum when she is safe,,,,,,,,,,,

David

great advice DMACK! Made me search for Just Listen and will copy and paste it again. :grouphug:

Listen

When I ask you to listen to me
and you start giving advice
you have not done what I asked.

When I ask you to listen to me
and you begin to tell me why I
shouldn't feel that way,
you are trampling on my feelings.

When I ask you to listen to me
and you feel you have to do
something to solve my problems,
you have failed me,
strange as that may seem.

Listen! All I asked, was that you listen,
not to talk or do - just hear me.
Advice is cheap: 10 cents will get you both
Dear Abby and Billy Graham in the same newspaper.
And I can do for myself; I'm not helpless.
Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless.

When you do something for me that I can and need to
do for myself, you contribute to my fear and weakness.

But when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel what
I feel, not matter how irrational, then I quit trying to
convince you and can get about the business of understanding
what's behind this irrational feeling.
And when that's clear, the answers are obvious and I
don't need advice.

Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what's
behind them. Perhaps that's why prayer works, sometimes, for
some people because God is mute, and he doesn't give advice or
try to fix things. "They" just listen and let you work it out
for yourself.

So, please listen and just hear me. If you want to talk, wait a
minute for your turn, and I'll listen to you.

Anonymous
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