No, not taking any meds. I just think if I write her a note explaining she'll understand when she's over. I wake up and cry. My friends come see me and I'm like a zombie. I hate pretending everything is ok. It's not.

I'm trying.

She won't understand. When our son Michael killed himself he left behind an 8 yr old son who is now 30, a father himself, and he still doesn't understand how his dad could have done that to him, if he loved him as he claimed to, how could he have chosen to die.

It takes tremendous courage to face each new challenge when the monster depression is on your back...we talk about that black hole but I know that there are sides to that hole and you aren't alone.

I am sorry you are so sad. I know that life sometimes hands you lemons, and that a person can't always make a sweet lemonade out it. You did find a good place here. This site just isn't for medical, but for the spirit. Please come back and let us talk to you. Be free to say what is in your mind and heart. We will listen here, and try to help. There are times when a person is tired, but your kids need you, and doing that act, would hurt them for the rest of their lives. There are ways out of emotional pain. There is help if you would just reach out for it. This site, will be here for you, anytime you need to talk. I will be here for you too. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Don't give up, rest, be good to yourself. ginnie

Not taking meds or seeing anyone. Don't have the $ for that. I'm trying but its getting harder.

Taking a walk trying to see beauty in life.

Hello once again. I know you said there is no $ for council. I do have an idea that I did for myself when I was in the same situation. Most communities have a women's resource center that does help people to find direction with regardless of income. It may be worth your time to see if there is one in your community. I wish you all the best. ginnie

I think Ginnie has a good idea. How was your walk?

I'm sure there are mens' resource centers too. Maybe in the yellow pages under mental health. In my town there is one that only charges what you can afford to pay.

Walk is useless. Just keep thinking bad thoughts. I hate this.