Hi justtired! man... sorry you are where you're at in your life... but very lucky that you found this forum!

you are NOT alone.... because you are HERE interacting with people from all over this globe - pretty freaking amazing, eh?!!! (I'm Canadian)

You have had some pretty awesome help here already - and I'm going to echo their words - GET YOURSELF TO THE DOCTOR!!!! Tell them you are suicidal. THEY WILL HELP YOU!

It takes a lot of courage and I know what we have all suggested seems impossible and overwhelming and difficult... but that's because ....

Your brain is tricking you right now because so many things have happened to you ... you are overwhelmed with pain and sadness and hopelessness....

Please stop rationalizing the irrational!

Baby steps... talking here with us is a huge step... but I know, personally, that sticking it all out is worth it.

Please start researching how you can see a doctor who will help you.

As our friend David always says: YOU are worth it!

I know you're tired... but you can do it! Addy

Just-tired

a song just for you........[you will soon gather i like music to convey subliminal messages lol]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoAPC...667AF4F7B31473

because you are WORTH IT.............[ARISE...................JUSTTIRED]

David

I had to listen too. Depression does make you feel dead inside. Maybe this site helps us to come back to life. ginnie

Still here guys. Just working on keeping my mind busy. Got ultrasound on abdomen today. Hope all goes well. Can't take anymore bad news.

We are still here for you anytime. I hope that what is wrong can be found with the ultra sound. Hopefully there will show no big problem. You don't need any more bad, I sure do understand that. How are you today? You can tell alot of us here are listening to you, and care about you. Be good to yourself today. I also hope you like sport and could maybe enjoy the superbowl tomorrow. take care....ginnie

Justtired, I know that you are depressed and, while I can't say that I know exactly how you're feeling, I can say that I know what real depression is and how it's been a monster in my life. I hope that you will listen to my story and find that you aren't alone.

Last summer I was attacked and I can count on one hand the people who knew it...and, to this day, know it. It was particularly brutal and I was beaten before, during and after. I feel extremely lucky to be alive today. Yes, I'd thought I always wanted to die...and easily could have at that time. Long story short, I chose to talk to someone and she prescribed an antidepressant and, wonder of wonders, it did work. I got to be myself again....still reeling from everything that had happened, but I was able to deal with it at that point. I can count on one hand the people who knew it had happened; I guess that, by reading this now, a lot of people will know it, and that's okay if it helps you to understand that you are not alone in your sadness and in the feeling that you want to die. I did, too, until I was faced with that very real possibility at the hands of someone else. And then I fought like crazy!

I'm also fighting a terminal illness....and I'd run from that for a long time, too. It seemed that, when my husband and I found out that it was terminal, we denied it for so long and 'swept it under the rug' that we were, somehow, able to pretend that it didn't exist...until the symptoms became so obvious that we're now unable to ignore them. And now I live to prove that I can, in spite of what so many 'second opinions' have agreed on.

You are so wrong when you say that your children will understand if you commit suicide. I don't mean to be brash....but they most definitely will NOT understand. My mother died when I was a teenager (due to illness) and there's still not a day when I don't cry for her. I'm not angry with her for leaving...she had no part in that...she had cancer. But there are so many times when I just want her to be here. When I was in high school, when I was married, when I had our son, our grandchildren, etc. and no amount of understanding that she was fighting an illness that she couldn't win can take away that pain of not having her here with me. Of sharing those times with us.

Your children are young and, despite your feelings of sadness, you do owe it to them to see them through their childhood....and as long as you can possibly be here, you must be. I know it's hard, believe me, I truly do understand that. Somtimes it feels as if the weight of the world is on our shoulders....and depression does that to us. It makes us feel that we aren't able to function...but we have to do everything possible in order to take that first step. Don't give in to it. Children learn by example and they love you...you ARE their example. They take their clues in life from you, whether you realize it or not.

You've probably realized that we're really a caring bunch of people and we begin to care about someone really quickly. I haven't meant to come off as confrontational just in case you feel that I have....actually, I'm usually the quietest one here! But I know that you're in real pain....and I know that your children need you...they need ALL of you. Please do what you can do to be there for them....and for yourself. I really care about you!

God bless you hippie chick. You too will be in my prayers. Your post touched me deeply, and I will not forget you, or this other hurting soul right here. Thank you for giving her or him, such heart felt compassion. We need each other here. You will be in my heart too. ginnie

hippiechick...you may be the quietest one here but when you post...when you share...you go right to the core of it. thank you.

justtired, I hope the ultrasound is ok. Hang tough.

Hippiechick thank you for sharing your story with those of us who feel there is no way out. You give hope to the hopeless. I'm proud to know you.

(((justtired))) I too always have that feeling of just being tired. Depression has shadowed me my entire life.

I can't express how important I think it is for you to be taking an antidepressant or whatever med to help you, as well as shopping for a GOOD therapist. And I agree with a former post, just go to a doctor or local mental health clinic and tell them...."I need help. I am suicidal."

I did exactly that one day long ago. As I was driving down the road and calmly planning my suicide...suddenly my daughter popped into the middle of the thought. I was mortified that I could think of 'offing' myself and leaving that precious child behind. I drove straight to a mental health clinic and by the time I got there I was completely and utterly at the bottom. I actually slid down a wall at the reception desk and said, "Help me please." (I couldn't even stand on my own when I got there...that's how 'tired' I was.)

And they did. Immediately. Luckily, they hooked me up with a therapist I still see to this day...for needed tuneups. I know...a good therapist can be hard to find but they are out there. I'm lucky in that I didn't need to 'shop' for a good one. Can you ask around to find out who is a good therapist in your area?"

Everyone here is right. Your children would NOT understand. And besides that, you need to get healthy for yourself. Depression is a monster and sucks the life out of you.

I'd like to suggest a book. Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff. I know, I know!...reading is difficult when you are in a depressive state, but at this point I think you need to seek help wherever you can find it.

I sure hope your test came out okay. Let us know, okay?