I guess it's one of those times where I like to come and ramble about my pitiful life and how I hate it and everything else I've said a thousand times before, and indeed probobly will a thousand more. So feel free to not read this post, I doubt it will be enlightening, though it may be very long.

I'm glad there are people here who can try to help those who come to this site for help, because I can't seem to force an optimistic, or even slightly helpful thought out of my head and onto a keyboard. I feel like I shouldn't try to advise others when I can't even take good care of myself. All I can offer are the words "you're not alone" which certainly ring hollow in the ears of a hurting person in search of answers.

I know exactly what it feels like to be completely alone and to want nothing more then the company of someone who truly cares about me and wants to know how I feel. And yet such a person is impossible for me to find, because no one wants to be around a person like me. No one wants to know my thoughts; my thoughts are dark and sad. Anyone I try to tell my thoughts to will eventually get sick of me and my sadness, and will inevitably distance themselves from me so they won't be exposed to my horrible little world. And as hard as I try to hide that world from them, it still ends up spilling onto them, (after all who wants a friendship where you can't tell your friend the truth?), until they have to stop caring about me to save themselves. And they do stop caring about me... every one, even though they try to claim otherwise. I can't say I hold it against them. I don't have hobbies, I don't go anywhere, and I don't do anything, and I certainly don't have the energy to do things I don't like.

I suppose people like me are just meant to go unloved.

And I don't mean the kind of love that a parent would give to their child, I've had plenty of that. It may sound callous, but that is just not enough. No one wants to go through their entire life without ever knowing the touch or affections of another, and that person's parents wouldn't want that for them either. But that is exactly how I live, for all twenty four years of my life. And I know, I know: twenty four years is still young; there's plenty of time for that, life's not over yet. But if someone was going to love me it would have been at a time in my life when I had even a small amount of human contact, not now where I can barely force the weakest of small talk with the random people who pass me during the workday.

Some of you here have told me that I am wise beyond my years, and I think that's true; it's perhaps one of the few things about myself can take pride in. But it is that very wisdom that alienates me from the rest of the world. God I wish I could be like every other twenty four year old in the world, spending my nights drinking and partying and generally being stupid. I am apparently the only one who can see how empty and juvenile that is. But then again, I'm also the only one who goes to bed every night alone and unhappy.

The worst part is, I know exactly why I'm unhappy; I'm just incapable of doing anything about it. I guess I could pretend to be someone else, to do things someone else would do. I could party with the rest of them and pretend like it's what I want, but I'm wise enough to know that if I did my life would just be as empty and pointless as it is now.

Well, there they are... my sad thoughts for no reason... all 9000 of them. For those of you, (if any), who stuck around to read the whole stupid thing, thank you. It would be nice if, for once, my thoughts could be heard, instead of just drifting off into the ether unnoticed.

I'm glad I read your message and thankful you posted it. Thankful for your honesty here.

I don't think saying "you're not alone" is hollow at all. I think it's really, really helpful and it is true.

You have so much insight. It's been an observation of mine for about as long as I've been alive, that highly sensitive and intelligent people suffer far too much in their lives because they possess those particular qualities.

Hugs to you - better things are ahead.

Hi Lonely1 I am glad you are here. Keep reaching out - we're here to listen.

Yep, what Lara said!

Addy

If I could somehow obtain enough money to quit my job and never have to work again, I would disappear into my house and never be seen again. I just have zero interest in anything the outside world has to offer. I can get all my entertainment through my computer and TV anyway, and the only reason those things are entertaining is because they're entirely fictional; they're based in a fantasy world where happiness exists, or at least exitement exists.

There have been a couple of times in my life where there was a real aspect of danger, where I could potentially die. Those couple of times where, by a wide margin, the best I've ever felt. That brief rush of excitement feels so much better then anything I've ever felt. Maybe I should move to a place with a high crime rate so there will be more of a chance for me to get into a serious fight. Isn't that the opposite of what a normal person would want? Shouldn't I want to avoid conflict like that? My existance is just so boring, and since happiness is far outside of the realm of possibility, being in an actual fight would do a lot to make the world more interesting.

Does any of that make sence or is it all rambling jibberish? I guess it's all my personal deathwish mixed with typical male testosterone fueled aggressive tendencies. Anyway, I'll stop talking now. As always feel free to ignore me and secretly wish I'd go away.

But you have a great sense of humor which I enjoy!

I get really lonely too. And I have the love of my family. But I've lived alone most of my adult life and sometimes that gets to be a bit much (I'm 62). Like you, I could just hide inside my house for long periods of time. I do have quite a few friends, but not around here. Thank God for the friends I've made here on the internet.

I could suggest things like...online dating. Only..lol, I wouldn't do them myself so what's the point.

You have a whole lot of life ahead of you so hang in there!