Death touches all of our lives sooner or later. Sometimes it is expected, as with the passing of an elderly relative; sometimes it comes suddenly in the form of a tragic accident.

But suicide is different. The person you have lost seems to have chosen death, and that simple fact makes a world of difference for those left to grieve. The suicide survivor faces all the same emotions as anyone who mourns a death, but they also face a somewhat unique set of painful feelings on top of their grief...

GUILT. Rarely in other deaths do we encounter any feelings of responsibility. Diseases, accidents, old age...we know instinctively that we cannot cause or control these things. But the suicide survivor - even if they were only on the periphery of the deceases's life - invariably feels that they might have, could have, or should have done something to prevent the suicide. This mistaken assumption is the suicide survivor's greatest enemy.

STIGMA. Society still attaches a stigma to suicide, and it is largely misunderstood. While mourners usually receive sympathy and compassion, the suicide survivor may encounter blame, judgement, or exclusion.

ANGER. It's not uncommon to feel some form of anger toward a lost loved one, but it's intensified for survivors of suicide. For us, the person we lost is also the murderer of the person we lost, bringing new meaning to the term "love-hate" relationship.

DISCONNECTION. When we lose a loved one to disease or an accident, it is easier to retain happy memories of them. We know that, if they could choose, they would still be here with us. But it's not as easy for the suicide survivor. Because our loved one seems to have made a choice that is abhorrent to us, we feel disconnected and "divorced" from their memory. We are in a state of conflict with them, and we are left to resolve that conflict alone.

*SOS A Handbook for Survivors of Suicide by Jeffrey Jackson

suicide is just easier.. If your dead absoulutly nothing matters none of this the urge to cut the drugs getting drunk with my bes friend fighting everything is just gone and doesnt matter....

Ashley,
Nothing about anything to do with suicide is easy. We all know that here in one way or another.

Please don't see suicide as the end to your pain. The end to your pain is finding the way through this time in your life and realizing you can live.

Choose life. There is help available and I hope you are able to find it and accept it no matter where that support comes from.

I'm sure you'll find a lot of support here from people who understand where you are in time right now.

You matter.

http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/post33881-1.html

Bold added by me.

Lara is right Ashley..you do matter! The people that love you would be devastated if you completed suicide. Remember that things and circumstances change...as long as you are alive there is hope. Suicide is a "forever" decision.

I agree its so hard to go on when you feel like nothing can help anymore.. not cutting not throwing up.. not starving.. just nothing when you feel like you don't belong anywhere or to anyone life seems tto fall apart.. I know when you feel like you don't matter and no one could care less weather you live or die.. its so hard to go on..nothing is easy..

http://www.patient-experience.com/in...with-self-harm

Wasn't sure where to post this...thank you Anne.

I may do this Alffe, thank you. If i can help even one person with my experiences or prevent sombody from even starting with the self injury route it would be worth it.