"Different" is a really good way to describe how we can come to meet the loss of a loved one. My Uncle recently committed suicide leaving my (Dad his elder brother), my Aunt (his wife), my cousin (his daughter), and two lovely grandchildren of 11 and 14 yrs and the rest of the family and friends to ask why? Why so violent a way to go? Why leave us all in such a horrific, self torturing manner? I cannot begin to descibe how numb, how empty, how stunned we all still feel. "Different" is such an apt way to describe the days since 1st March 2013 when everything stopped being everyday.

Thanks to a friend at work, DMAC for giving me the link to this site. I cannot begin to say how much everyone's comments and thoughts have helped me support my family, especially my Dad, who's such a gentle soul.

Budgie

Fresh pain, Budgie, makes some things more vivid- at least, that's how it worked for me. My brother-in-law died by suicide two years ago, and when it happened, the pain was so strong it made me too tired to even inhale deeply. I sat very, very still, sometimes, because the grief drained so much energy from me. My husband, on the other hand, didn't experience such fatigue, but he cried daily all the way to work (he had quite a long commute) for weeks. Now, after this amount of time has gone by (not so much, in the grand scheme of things, but still), our experience has changed like this: the sadness isn't constant- there are "islands" of it. Sometimes, for me, it will be triggered simply by someone else being kind when they learn of our loss. Or I will see my husband freeze and watch his eyes fill when he sees something that reminds him of a connection he and his younger brother had- say, something they used to do together often. This has changed too: now it feels to us his dying by suicide doesn't matter quite as much as simply the fact that he DID die- no matter the cause- and he isn't here with us anymore. I'm surprised by that, and it doesn't mean suicide doesn't matter, just that the fact of losing him matters more. A book I found helpful is called Suicide: Why? by Adina Wrobleski (apologies if I spelled her name wrong.) She lost her daughter to suicide, and wrote a simple book to help people understand suicide better. My best to you and to all who loved the one lost.