ten years has passed since i lost my brother the pain is not as intense but it is something i will live with for the rest of my life i feel like i will never be whole again i miss him and love him and never forget him has anybody here lost a family member does it get any easier

I so understand your feelings. I lost a daughter to MS 8 1/2 years ago and it still feels like yesterday. The condition is called the "new normal." You just do it a day at a time but it changed my life forever. You aren't alone. Barbo

I like what was said about the "new normal". Many years ago when my first family member took his life, I wondered when things would feel normal again. I felt the same way when my husband of 24 years left me for another women...so devastating. However, I did learn so much and became a better person because I grew from the adversity...the huge changes...the anger...

I became a very different person through all this...one that some of friends my say they don't know. I like the new me and also my "new normal", which changes everyday!!

You take care and I hope you can grasp the "new norm"!!

I always say it gets "different" not easier "different"

I am sorry for your loss, Stick around I think you will fit right in. More people will be by with stories to share and a shoulder to lend!

Welcome

It's been twenty two years since our son killed himself. He left us, and three sisters behind, and an eight year old son. He never lived long enough to see his neices and nephews, his grandchildren. It took me years to get over my anger at his actions and the guilt I felt as a mother who is supposed to protect her child...even from himself.

It took me years to come to "acceptance" and forgiveness...to remember him now with only love. His now grown son has yet to take this journey...continues to ask "if he loved me so, how could he have done this?"

So to answer your question...does it get any easier? Jaded is right, It gets "different".

Glad you joined us and welcome to this "family".

"Different" is a really good way to describe how we can come to meet the loss of a loved one. My Uncle recently committed suicide leaving my (Dad his elder brother), my Aunt (his wife), my cousin (his daughter), and two lovely grandchildren of 11 and 14 yrs and the rest of the family and friends to ask why? Why so violent a way to go? Why leave us all in such a horrific, self torturing manner? I cannot begin to descibe how numb, how empty, how stunned we all still feel. "Different" is such an apt way to describe the days since 1st March 2013 when everything stopped being everyday.

Thanks to a friend at work, DMAC for giving me the link to this site. I cannot begin to say how much everyone's comments and thoughts have helped me support my family, especially my Dad, who's such a gentle soul.

Budgie

Fresh pain, Budgie, makes some things more vivid- at least, that's how it worked for me. My brother-in-law died by suicide two years ago, and when it happened, the pain was so strong it made me too tired to even inhale deeply. I sat very, very still, sometimes, because the grief drained so much energy from me. My husband, on the other hand, didn't experience such fatigue, but he cried daily all the way to work (he had quite a long commute) for weeks. Now, after this amount of time has gone by (not so much, in the grand scheme of things, but still), our experience has changed like this: the sadness isn't constant- there are "islands" of it. Sometimes, for me, it will be triggered simply by someone else being kind when they learn of our loss. Or I will see my husband freeze and watch his eyes fill when he sees something that reminds him of a connection he and his younger brother had- say, something they used to do together often. This has changed too: now it feels to us his dying by suicide doesn't matter quite as much as simply the fact that he DID die- no matter the cause- and he isn't here with us anymore. I'm surprised by that, and it doesn't mean suicide doesn't matter, just that the fact of losing him matters more. A book I found helpful is called Suicide: Why? by Adina Wrobleski (apologies if I spelled her name wrong.) She lost her daughter to suicide, and wrote a simple book to help people understand suicide better. My best to you and to all who loved the one lost.

I don't think I have ever been on this site before but I may have been when my sister took her life and I just don't remember. I lost my sister on 12/9/2010. I guess she just couldn't take her troubled life anymore. Since my father died of a sudden heart attack 13 years ago I have told people you never get over it but you simply get through it.

I think suicide is a little different. I go back and forth with emotions abut my sister. Sometimes I am sad, angry, guilty or I feel the love I always had for her. She use to always tell me I was her best friend. It is hard for me because the rest of my family does not speak with her husband (he was not a good guy) so I keep a smile on my face while around him. I want to keep in contact with my nephews and my sisters grandsons. If I don't speak with him that will end.
I went to a party for one of the children a few weeks ago and had to watch him with his new girlfriend. He and my nephew were talking about the family going down the shore together with his father and his girlfriend. It breaks my heart to know he is moving on (as he should) and my sister has no life.
I suppose I just want her back. I miss her. I went to the store tonight and saw a product my sister used all the time and we use to joke about. It made me smile and feel like crying at the same time.
Don't get me wrong, I am not sad everyday. Actually, my sister had such a troubled life and was so bad at the end that I have told people if someone told me she could come back but would have to live the same life she had I would not want to put her through that.
I feel for all of us. I wish this never happened to anyone. I think it is the worst thing that can happen to a familly.
Well sorry I vented on and on. Just feeling bad tonight. I hope we all feel better tomorrow.
Fortunately, I am a believer that I will see my sister again and she will tell me exactlly what happened and why. We will share our love again some day.

Hi hopeful and welcome to our "family"....I'm sorry for your loss and understand the pain of trying to move on...love your name because it's so positive. We need to be hopeful...that acceptance and peace will someday come. I'm glad you've found us.

I like to share what my wonderful therapist told me...several times. We've talked about suicide on many occasions (when my suicidal 'ideation' grabs hold). She said that statistics show that family members left behind are highly likely to have suicidal thoughts when a close loved one takes their life. I can't remember the percentage, but it is very high.

She made me promise that I would contact her immediately if I had a 'plan'. That was relatively easy for me...I thought about my daughter and grandson and what it would do to them if I chose such a drastic action.

Not sure what this has to do with this conversation but...I guess mourning the loss of someone has many faces.

i'm blathering