Feeling alone. Not in danger right now but the cycle is shorter and stronger now. I think I might give in and go to hospital in the morning. I just can't fight any longer and I know if I do not get help I will attempt again. Just have to get to morning.

Hi Zenda, I'm here if you need some-one to talk to, or can you access the chat room? :hug:

Please trust your instincts and go to the hospital this morning. :grouphug:

Hey thanks everyone. I will be calling my doc this am to find out if the referral to the. ES psychiatrist has gone through then making a decision about whether to go to hospital. I have had such bad experiences there. But yeah I am aware that the alternative is pretty untenable too. I did not go to the chat room last night because I forgot that I could now that I am not monitored. Duh. Certainly will in future. Or maybe right now. I am not really 'puter savvy. Lol!

Now I remember why I can't go into the chat rooms. I am on my iPhone and I can't download flash player to it which is needed to get into the chat. C'est la vie...

The black dog
 

:grouphug:
Dear friends, there are cycles and there are cycles....somedays are more tolerable, some are worse. It seems the days are so long, and the nights longer. You are not alone...even if I do not know you, I know how you feel. The hardest part is just getting outside even for a second. Yes, we are out here....and know how heavy the weight is, on your shoulders. Why do caged birds sing? It is in their nature. Try to look up, not inwards.

When you find yourself cocooned in isolation and cannot find your way out of the darkness, remember that this is similar to the place where caterpillars go to grow their wings.
~Unknown

Oh, wow, that's a lovely quote, Jaded!

Zenda - let us know how its going. I truly hope that your future is much brighter... keep reaching for the light!

:grouphug:

I am okay. Been really down. Started st johns wort and 5-htp on advice of doc to tide me over until my OCTOBER psychiatrist appt. keeping busy. Not hospitalized yet. Came close. Visiting family right now. Was pretty good last two days. Feel the spiral happening again. Planning a party for Saturday. Wondering if I will be there or not. Such a drag this. Feel soooo good. Then don't. Not staying in my head much though so that is good. And asking for help when I need to. It's all good. Thanks all.

Sounds like you are doing all you can to take good care of yourself Zenda.
Please remember that we are here for you. :grouphug: