[ajmich]

Bipolar II with major depression; currently down, going through meds adjustments; have just opened Pandora's Box in therapy RE unresolved grief. Recently came to light that there is PTSD in the mix.

Multiple family members & close friends took their own lives:
My age 12, Brother (22), **
" " " " " " " " Brother's wife followed him, same method.
My age 16, Father (49), **.
My age 19, Brother (21),**
My age 45, Very close friend/bandmate, **
My age 46, Good high school friend, **

None had any psych eval so it's only speculation about their mental illnesses; my 2nd brother heard voices, probably schizophrenia.

Have mostly isolated my whole life so never had a lot of friends, but a few close ones, two who opted out violently.

To say the least, I wonder why I have been exposed to so many suicides. Anyone I've ever told has been blown away, most haven't a clue how to deal, what to say, etc., so they say nothing. I understand that a bit better now.

Additional more recent losses have been my Mom to Alzheimers and my younger brother to HIV/AIDS. I have two surviving sibs, older sisters, one I live with. She has major depression, and the other has terminal cancer. We support each other as best we can, mostly via daily emails.

My "official" diagnosis is Bipolar II with major depression & GAD. ** I find it's high time I reached out to you all, share whatever might be useful and just feel I can "spew" among those who truly know this wicked malady.

[Brain patch]

Ajmich,
Welcome! I don't have bi-polar but found the group of people that are in the bi-polar section here to be great. They were so gracious they said I could be part of their group even without bi-polar.
I am so sorry to hear that you have gone through so much trauma. I hope you are seeing a psychiatrist for some help in dealing with all this loss.
I know what it feels like to be suicidal. I am in chronic pain every day and have been since 2006. Sometimes, mental and physical problems can overwhelm.
I hope you will come to the bi-polar section and talk with the wonderful group of people there. I know they could help you and make you laugh.
Just wanted you to know you are not alone. So glad you reached out. Good for you. You will be in my prayers.
Much love,
Brain

[Brokenfriend]

ajmich. I can't immagine depth of pain that you are going through. I would be stunned. I lost my best friend to suicide three weeks ago,and it hurts so deeply.

Hang in there. There are allot of caring people on here,and on the Bipolar forums. Brokenfriend

[ajmich]

Thanks Brain patch and brokenfriend... your kind words are appreciated. Everyone has been most helpful in these forums.

[Lara]

Hi ajmich,
Welcome to the NeuroTalk Support Groups.

You have experienced so much loss. I'm very sorry to read that.

Just wanted to say that the therapy you are having right now would be very hard and I hope you have a great therapist and some back-up support. I would imagine the hardest part about therapy sometimes is when "time's up" and it's time to leave alone with all those thoughts going through the mind. I hope you have someone and somewhere safe you can go after your sessions so that you don't feel so overwhelmed.

Just for your information, there are some excellent resources posted in the "stickies" of each forum here. There are wonderful caring people using these forums and I hope you keep posting.

[ajmich]

Thank you, Lara... you touched upon something that is good to have validated, that is, when therapy time is up and I face a half-hour solo drive home. Up until very recently I've always felt better when I left than when I arrived, but now that things are much more intense... it's bewildering to have to stop in mid-stream, put it on "hold" for a week, and find my way home in a daze of churned up stuff. My T is great and she said she'd try to jockey appointments so that I can have the 4pm time slot, her final of the day, so that we can run overtime if need be -- good to know! Thanks also RE the stickies posts which I will check into.

[bizi]

welcome to the forums and please feel free to come to the bipolar forums if you feel like it.
bizi
http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/forum38.html

[Mark56]

In hopes therapy will bring forth means to understanding as it has with me and so many others. The losses you share are beyond comprehension. All I can do is offer caring and prayer.

[DMACK]

AJMICH..I too have bipolar 2..............and have experienced suicide [my own repeated attempts]

we are a caring bunch on this forum who genuinely care.

im so sorry your life has been tinged with such utter tragerdy.....

forgive me but im one for songs and this fits

take care

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=az2En82skmo


words are sometimes not enough thats where music steps in

David