This past weekend, I went to see a client that has become a good friend. Cliff is in his 70's and is going blind due to macular degeneration. We became friends after I helped him with one of his designing projects.

The past two months have been kind of rough. I have been working my butt off, not spending enough time with Mrs. Moi, different family members have had their crisis and seemed to be leaning on us, and neither of us have been getting any sleep...my biggest guilt was toward Mrs. Moi, who is so very patient, so very understanding to...well...MOI...and I thank my lucky stars that she is in my life...unfortunately...I am also a man...a stubborn man...and my anger has eaten me...

So, after we worked on the current project, Cliff took me out to lunch. It was a warm and sunny day here in the low country. We went to "Jim and Nicks BBQ" (in case you are reading from Alabama) and ordered a big platter of onion rings, pulled beef briskets, and blackened Cat Fish. Cliff's best friend, Jack, joined us and the three of us had a grand ole time...

(now, I must say that I was really impressed with their onion rings...huge sweet rings lightly battered and was crisp yet not greasy. The aroma was heavenly and the flavor was scrumptuous. But enough about the onions!! Or we'll have to talk about gas emissions!)

my well being became the subject eventually for they can see that I was stressed. So I started talking about my "Anger" as of late...

I was born angry, I think, and I have stayed angry. Although I have tried to keep it under control, to be positive and relax. But with all the stress lately, I felt it creeping its way back and I felt like I was going to explode...

When I took them home, a girl (she looked young) sped up right behind me. I was already going 10 miles over the speeding limit yet I saw her flashing her head lights at me and gesturing for me to move over.

What really got my goat, or cat, or cow, was that I saw her "look." It was one that is filled with the "why don't you pull over, you old fart. I can take you all on cause I think I am young and pretty" look.

There was no car to my right side and our turn was coming up. She could've very welled get to the other lane and just passed me...but nooooo...she had to act like an (___!___)...so, I pulled to the right side anyway and I mouthed off to her and gave her the "Death Glare"

She looked at me and actually looked scared...Hmmmmm...didn't know I was that ugly....

at that point, I was conflicted...I know that I did the right thing for NOT putting up with it. At the same time, I felt bad that I was not nice...I also felt bad that I couldn't just let it go. Because in hind sight, what would've the death glare accomplished besides given me cocked eyes??

Jack and Cliff saw how upset I was and understood yet advised me to calm down, told me to "fohgeddebouit" ( I swear Cliff looks like Tony Soprano bald, or Telly Savally with an awful mob accent)...I took them home, thanked them for lunch, and decided to head to Savannah, Ga...

Savannah Georgia, one of my favorite cities in the world. The drive to the city will take me through a wonderful canopy of live oak trees with their branches interwoven letting slight sunlight through while I enjoy the greenery in my field of view...

wait, what happened?? Oh NO!!! A I saw back-hoes, I saw dump trucks, I saw constructions...YIKES!!! The route that I loved to take has now been modified...trees were cut down to make way for the "developments"

Grounds were dug up to make Man Made Ponds to make it "water view" (water view seems to jack up the price about 400% around here). My heart sank...my anger rose...my favorite drive...RUINED...by these developers...

more condos, more million dollar homes in these ritzy neighborhoods...at the cost of the sceneries...these ancient live oaks...that have lived hundreds, if not thousands of years...their comrades fallen...fallen...fallen...to be turned into firewoods, framing lumbers, furnitures, mulches, for these million dollar developments...

then a driver tried to pass me and two cars infront of me while there were traffics speeding from the coming lane...DEATH GLARE TO HIM? YOU BET!!

Then, I missed my turns and exits as I was in Savannah and ended up getting lost for about 45 minutes before my stubborness relent and I finally pulled over to ask for directions...my anger now is at myself for being a man...a man that is too stubborn to stop and ask for directions...

I now had forgotten why I was in Savannah...my mind is simply filled with anger and I wanted someone to come and push me, to come talk junk to me, to pick on me(people often do cause of my tics) so I can have a reason to just let them have it...

then, I thought about that Va Tech Shooting...and I said to myself, wow, insight, moi, insight...that guy lost it completely. I cannot ever allow myself to do that...EVER...yes, I felt sorry for the dude, but there was NO excuse for what he did...he had plenty of chances and people reaching out to him even though he was picked on. But still, the anger lingers and I run into more jerks...

But I chose to smile back...and I did...

Luckily for me, there was a piano recital right in the middle of the mall that I decided to pull into to get a quick bite to eat...I ended up staying watching the young students playing their hearts out and clapped my hands off. I also fell asleep for a little bit and woke up to my own drool...

that made me smile...

It is time for me to leave...it was about 6:30pm and I needed to get back home that is over an hour away...

The bridge that takes me out of Savannah to home is about 10 stories high. It is a magnificent bridge. So grand, so peaceful...




vrrrrroooommmmm...ZOOOOM...an idiot passed me going at least 80mph on the bridge going down a steep slope...

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR...

but wait...as I started my own descend...I rolled down my windows...the breeze from the river was nice, crisp, and warm. It enveloped me and caressed me...the "marsh" smell was pleasant and welcomed...the sun was behind me and it energized me with its warmth and made me so comfortable...

I, "SMILED"

I started to realize how small I was compared to this bridge...then I saw the sceneries around me...it reminded me of "Gone With The Wind" where the earth was glistened with sunset, the fields were golden green and the water reflected all with its own renditions...

I took it all in, smiling even more, my heart skipped in rhythm with the nature...I stuck my hand out the window, helping to guide the breeze to my face. I realized how smaller I am even more, compared to this planet that I live in that gave me "LIFE"

my anger dissipated..."fooom!" just like that, it was gone...

I let out a loud scream...a HAPPY one...one that I haven't felt in a long time...I waved at the on coming cars, in all sincerety for them to reach their destinations safely...I was sincere in my shouts, in my warmth, in my humbleness...

a pale dot, is all I am on this earth...then, how can my anger be more than that dot??

I am nothing...anger is nothing...going...going....gone...

"."

Ok then...I wasn't going to admit this because I'm ashamed (well maybe ashamed is too strong a word) that it happened but since you're going to be so freaking honest again...dam I get tired of that! ...here goes.

A couple of weeks ago when our oldest daughter was home for a few days...we invited my sister to go to the big outlet Mall that's about 35 mins away. It was a lovely warm sunny day and we had been having a good time together. On the drive home, trunk full of various treasures, I realized that I had a van coming right up on me....tailgating me about 5 inches off my rearend. The speed limit was 55 and I was going about 53 on a two lane road with light traffic.

I tapped my brakes....no effect...I put on my hazzard lights and they backed right off...then came right back up on me so I slowed way down. She, yes, it was a woman, pulled out around me and as she sailed past me...I gave her the finger.

She slammed on her brakes....jumped out of her car and marched up to me who had also stopped in the middle of the road by this time. I rolled down my window as this woman in maybe her early 30ties approached me..yelling something.

And then I had to laugh to myself because I could see recognition coming into her eys....an old white haired lady had given her "the bird". Her demeanor changed....I got a lecture about being careful who I "flipped off" because the world was full of dangerous people....~sigh~ And I just kept saying that it was very dangerous to tailgate people. She also had her left tail light out.

It was a classic example of road rage. She finally got back in her van after saying "God Bless You"....ROFL...and drove off.

My big sister was terrified and couldn't believe that I'd done such a stupid thing....she reminded me that I'm always telling her not to make eye contact with other drivers.

My daughter stiffled a giggle and then went home and told Mr.Alffe on me.

Well for starters, you are not nothing.

And, aren't those moments, those small moments, just the most wonderful moments? I had several of those yesterday, even though not in beautiful Savannah. It finally got sunny and I sat and admired my trees finally blooming with white flowers on one and beautiful cherry pink on the other.

Watched the birds at the feeders and birdbaths. And then a goldfinch swooped in on the porch only maybe 5' from me. And it sat there and cocked its head from one side to the other, looking at me, contemplating. For the longest time and it was as if we became one for a moment.

It was almost as cool as the time a baby bird flew down and sat on my head while I was gardening, chirping away, walking around the top of my head. I laughed and laughed as it sat there.

Then, I too have had road rage at total idiots. Those tailgaters PO me every time!!!

And little ole ladies who drive under the speed limit.

I am gonna be the one to tell you...What a wonderful post that was!!!Cheezy,maybe..but honest.
I hope you continue to think about "just how small"you/we are in this big world and not let your anger get the best of you.

You and the mrs have only been married a short while...Be sure and share with her what goes on inside your head..otherwise she may think it's her.
Unless you already have..then pardon me...LOL

Sometimes i also let "things" get the best of me..
Mainly silly stuff..but it happens to us all.
Your post gave me a good reminder of what i should do next time!

I don't get roadrage though..I am the one always telling my spouse/son..Relax...let them go their way..You go yours!

I get "homerage"..I once had my brain to remember.
It's not all about me..I am not sure where i lost it..But your post reminds me..I need to get back on track also.

Alffe
Shame on you...heehee
Just kiddin..I think i woulda laughed had i been able to see both you and the woman 's face ,when she got outta her van..heehee
Ever hear the joke about the grandson and the granma out driving?
I can't quote it all but here it is from what my ole mind can remember.

The granma has a bumper sticker that says.honk if you love jesus..
She is sitting at a stop light talking to her grandson..Well when the light
turned green,she didn't notice..
So people start honking..After about the 4th car started honking,her grandson says.Geez grandma they musta all seen your sticker.
They all love jesus!:0)

ah dear moi et al...

I know anger. It creeps up along with stress and lack of sleep.


MANY years ago, while I waiting for a doctors appointment, on the table beside me, I found a book to read.
I believe it dropped out of the sky and it was meant for me to find.
I knew the book had an owner as it was out of place - there are only magazines in my doctors office.
I started to read the book and knew that it was left there for me.

I kept that book.
No guilt - as I belive it was meant for me.

The book is called "The Dance of Anger".

Last week, before I wrote about my depression here in SOS, I pulled that book out and began to read it again. I only needed a few pages to be reminded that I had returned to a very unhealthy place.

And then again realized, I can only change MOI... I mean ME (parlez vous francais)

_____________________________

Once upon a time..I read that book!
Thanks for the reminder {{addy}}
I think it may be time for me to go to the library again.
It's been a while.

Thanks for sharing, you all...I must get this other vent off my chest...

I started working out again recently...and around this time...I took in a kid that is 19 yo. He is a good kid, troubled, but a good kid...

he is different and he admits it. People look at him funny at the Gym. Yes, he acts feminine and wants to be a transgender (I am saying this knowing that he is open about it). I watched a program recently on the pains that they go through...he has a lot of cuts on his forearms and has shared a few heart broken stories to me and the Mrs.

Recently, he worked very hard and got his personal training license. The current personal trainer is a very nice guy, he and I have become good friends...but he is leaving and we wanted to help the kid get the job after the PT leaves...I wrote a letter to the lady and the PT recommended him.

But the lady told the PT that she feels that the kid will drive people away (her concern isn't totally unreasonable as I can understand her point)

so, the kid was heartbroken yesterday when he found out he didn't get the job. That is OK, we told him to not give up...he's worked so very hard and this is what he wants to do for his career...

OK, then, there are these two older guys at the gym, they would look at him and laugh...I can't hear what they are saying, but I can tell that they are looking at him, and then they are laughing ...I know that look well, I get that look a lot because of my tics...

I grew up with people looking at me and laugh and point. They think that I am retarded or that I am not too smart because of my twitches and tics...

so, yes, I know that look...

I couldn't prove it...but I was so very angry...So, I made it a point to talk to the kid loudly about how proud he should be of himself...and I "touched" him...meaning that I actually helped the kid stretched...of course...the two guys gave us both the look...I told the kid he is now my son...I am adopting him in spirit and that if anyone messes with him...they will be messing with me...

I am so angry...

ya know, they have the right to laugh at him...in the PRIVACY of their own home of territory...that was a PUBLIC GYM where anyone can go...

Look, I am all for free speeches and I am for that if you want to pick on me, fine. Just don't do it infront of my face...but to be that open, to be that RUDE...

I finally had to leave because I feel like I was going to hurt those two morons...

I know there are folks who don't think transgender/gays/transexuals have rights or should be around or whatever. THAT IS FINE. They can have their opinion...but we are ALL human beings...we ALL have a place on this earth...NO ONE, and I mean NO ONE, is better than the next person...

so, to do that in public, to tease in public, to hurt someone else's feelings because they are different...

that makes my blood boil...

if I see them in the Gym next time, I might have to throw some 45lbs at them...and then sit on them...heheheheheh...

There you go again being different. Hey, it's lonely out there...it's hard to feel like you are constantly out of step with the rest of the world. But honestly, we couldn't stand ourselves if we didn't try.

I wish you could meet our Pastor...I know that organized religion isn't your "thing" but you'd just love her because she tries her best to guilt people into doing the right thing. She is constantly "on my back" about doing more, doing it differently,.....I really adore her and so would you.

I do believe men are treated differently than the women who choose to "be different".
My daughter is gay/lesbian....
I am VERY proud of her and the path she has taken so far in her few yrs on this earth
Sexual prefrence should not be any of anyone elses business.
It doesn't make them "perverts"!
This would have upset me as well..|
Congrats{{{{whomoi}}} for keeping your anger in check and doing "the right" thing.
For not "stooping" to their level,you should be proud!
I know alot of people that could have NEVER walked away..........
You will be forever etched in that young mans heart/soul!

who moi

I like the way you defended that young man. If you would have physically confronted those men, it would have just caused a scene. It probably would have made that young man feel even worse. Instead, you turned it around to make them look foolish. I think if more people would respond as you did, it wouldn't be socially acceptable to laugh at people who are "different."

It's a shame this young man's private parts and personal sexual preferences have to be taken into consideration when applying for a job.