Sigh.... I find myself in a place that I have been able to avoid for several months......Some parts of my existence has never-ending turmoil. Many things that are ever so far out of my reach and ability to do change them. Some of those things my spouse and my son are also unable to change. They hear my ranting and raving on a daily basis that the unfair and unjust things of this life should not involve a young child we have raised as our own. I pray for the day that this child's unfit father will be sent forever into a unit hosted by many county and state law enforcement. Many friends and neighbors know this child has been raised for the rather the largest portion of her life (well over 90%) by my spouse and myself. He tends to take her for short periods of time, to show her off, to attempt to show what a wonderful father he is etc.
However when it comes time for food, clothing, shelter, childcare or other needs, she is left for us to take care of all of those little details.
But I digress.. the medications are no longer working, things that in the not to distant past that brought me pleasure, my place of employment seems to be pushing me to the point of resignation,even the child herself are no longer able to keep my focus on staying in the here and now. Things seem to be spiraling out of control... The father says he is picking up the child tomorrow afternoon, my spouse is gone yet again to a nearby state. I am not sure that I will be around for my dear child on the late evening of "fathers day" or my work on Monday..
Such a small and unimportant part of this world we are

pooh ..... I include you in my prayers

no no dear lady. You are important and your contributions to your loved ones matter greatly. That dark hole you find yourself in right now does have sides and many of us are here, hoping you will look up and see the light, will see us reaching down to help you to your feet. Hope springs eternal.

Oh dear, you've been dealt a rough hand. This happened to my dtr in law recently, but it was a small prick about six months ago and think she is ok, though she's worried herself sick.
You hang in there, and somehow feel yourself surrounded by the love and hope. Take care!

I have been in the same place as you were Pooh. In my 40 years as an RN, I received 2 dirty needle stick injuries, and just before I retired I was stabbed with a pair of dirty scissors from an "at risk" patient. You're right! All those tests are a pain in the neck, and that 3 month wait seems like forever. But it WILL be OK. I'll be thinking of you and praying for a negative result. I "knew" mine would be negative and it was! Your's will be too!

What a shame I didn't know that you were a nurse too before we both left the profession. We could have chatted hospital type gossip and had a good old natter.

As of this date I am still trying to be a nurse. Each day is harder then the last.... the upper management does not understand patient acuity (how ill and or how many it takes to care for each patient) today I was told to call off a LPN-C for the night shift @ 9am. This was against my old nurse better judgment, we had only 3 patients on the floor at that time HOWEVER one was a total mechanical lift, one was demanding, wanting something every minute or two more to see people then for true wants or needs. And the other 2 required 2 staff to ambulate....
So about 4pm the flood gates open up The 1st admit is another mechanical lift, has many open wounds needs to be fed, is also dependent on staff to do basic cares (turn clean up etc.) This also requires 2 staff to do. The next patient was a very nice but VERY confused 90 year old lady with pneumonia and small blood clots in her lungs. We put her in a room that I can oversee while doing the admission paperwork, entering medications verifying those same medications. I did turn a bed alarm on her to give me a "heads up" should I be focusing on the computer instead of the patient (so hard to get the computer work done with out focusing on computer: Good-Luck:) Last patient is a rather heavy set my again very nice lady with a fractured pelvis. All three of the admits have at least 17 pages of orders The DON was notified of the fact that the night shift would be VERY short staffed, "They will be ok" At 8pm my shift was finally at and end yet another 14 hour day with no breaks, lunch was had at 5:30 pm at the aforementioned computer.
And the higher ups wonder why nurse turn over is so high. Just so tired of working here there and everywhere in the facility...
Still waiting to hear my blood results..... Saw my own provider yesterday for some concerns, this clinic visit was questioned my the infection control nurse and human resources "why would she need to do that?? I also relayed the fact that I am just not able to find my way out of this pit... Of course he voices concern this am when he finds me as the charge nurse... "Are you ok to work? Have you talked to the shrink? My therapist? How is your pain today? and finally "I will keep praying for you"

The last helps, as well as the fact he is a personal friend as well as my caregiver, and my coworker
The kind caring attitude of my employer, my spouse and other non-nursing staff is killing me. I wonder if I can take disability due to my pain, my depression and my just plain reaching my limit on the burnout scale

Just so tired of it all

Oh Pooh .... I hear you!

Shades of my evening and night shifts while I was working. I had evenings just like that one, and I worked the night shift after the evening that you had, so I do understand the conditions that you're working under. It's a shame that you couldn't demand an extra staff member, but I know that nearly always impossible!

If only we all lived in a perfect world......

At one stage I heard there were more registered nurses working in Myer (a chain store here in Australia), than there were RNs working in hospitals in the whole of the state. With the conditions that RNs sometimes have to work under, it's no wonder that they cannot retain staff.

I hope you feel better soon. Meanwhile, please know that I understand at least some of what you're going through. I may be retired now, but I do understand.

Hang in there - hopefully things will even out.((Hugs))

Just a note to thank for the encouragement. See my therapist tomorrow evening. Attempting to get apt with my Psychiatrist the same day I see the pain doc. Gona get a 2fer. After the long drive (200 miles one way) I can park the car an literally walk across a lawn to get from 1 apt to the other. Things have not really changed. Had the migraine from hell on fathers day, so "hung-over" was the order of the am... I wonder what else can be added to my stress level before I sink.....

We are not going to let you sink....got our arms around you.

Glad for your appointments...keep us posted.