I am sorry! I didn't know such suffering existed and I wish I had appreciated my health when I had it! feel like I am trapped in a box and it's getting smaller. thought I was a tough guy before this but now I realize I am not that tough and am terrified. I wish I wasn't so afraid. how do you get through. you must be strong mentally.

Hi ( sorry for delay )

Well Ive sort of been deteriorating for a while so I've had some practice , but its still not easy .

Part of it is luck , my deterioration actually reversed my anosmia so some of my smell came back , and that in itself was sheer bliss which also vastly improved my mood ( I was more depressed being mobile without my smell in many ways believe it or not )

The other part is I actually am reversing this disease slowly itself through self treatment ( I have no other choice ) so although I am stuck I still believe - have to believe I can get out .

I change routines , try to learn things that can help me to get out ( mainly engineering ) to challenge me mentally and in general just use my desire to everything I can to get out so I have no regrets .

Thats the more tangible parts at least..

I feel the need to post on this one. I realize most people here, won't recognize me. I've been away a while, trying to put my life back together and helping my friend do the same.

Suicide, a choice??? Having made three serious attempts myself over my life-span, I can relate to this well. I was 12 when I made the first attempt. I don't talk about it much. At the time, even in my 12 year old mind, it seemed the only way, out of a life that didn't seem worth living. Pretty strange, if you ask me, now, for a 12 year old. Not even a choice a child that age could really make. Depression was not well recognized or treated at that time.

I'll skip the second attempt, and move on to the third. You can't really call suicide a choice when the mind is broken either from mental illness or physical illness causing mental illness, if that makes sense. In my case, an un-diagnosed thyroid problem, replete with psychosis and near coma and death. This attempt could not have been labeled a clear choice. I've survived both these attempts. I can't even say how.
For every suicide that is final, there are many many more attempted that are not even statistically documented.

It's a HUGE problem becoming even bigger. I applaud those who work to tackle this problem on so many levels. Truly being able to talk about it with someone who understands is the first step.

I really feel that as most people there is not a "choice" . Ending the pain both physical and mental is the best option I have seen many times. Some days I am able to fight both of them. Some days I don't care if they get their way. I have found that if I am at work I can make my ill self see that I am needed to care for my pts. I hear on a regular bases " oh how could they have done that (suicide) to their family and friends" I have many times thought I could tell them just "how" we can do that. I fear however if they knew my secret I would be sent off to a "hospital" Have been there done that....know one thing to be true in my life, I will not go back to that place!
So the attempts have not been noticed just blamed on my clumsiness or the long hours worked.
All I can advise is to not let yourself be along if at all possible, it reduces the opportunities a person has

In my anger at Michael I felt he made a "choice". He was a healthy (physically) 31 year old man with an 8 yr. old son who lived far away with his mother. He worked full time as a juvenile probation officer, paid child support, and went to school nights to complete his college education. He fell in love with a younger woman and they moved in together, planning to marry. She also worked, didn't care for her job and wanted them to move east where her parents lived. She moved, hoping he would follow with the very $$ engagement ring she had shown him. He didn't. Instead he drank 1/2 a bottle of brandy and put that gun in his mouth. I now feel that it was an impulsive act due to his depression over missing his son and his fiancée ...it was all to hard for him and he took the wrong way out. So...choice imho became impulse and despair. End result is we "live" with it. And are all affected...especially that son of his who is a grown man with children of his own...all of which Michael has missed out on.

Dear Alffe

IMPULSE & DESPAIR.......................The perfect recipie.

The only choice suicidal thoughts brings to me, is to go to hospitaly immidiately. That has taken me twenty years to understand and implement.

Suicidal thoughts creep up on people at their lowest ebb and seduces people into believing that death is the answer......

A person of sound mind would rationalise that and say that is not right..........sadly suicide is irational

Only today at work i have been told of two attempted suicides by teenagers in the service.

Hopefuly through treatment and intervention now....they will be offered choices..........they didnt posess informed choice this weekend.

David

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-204_162-...-life-support/

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http://thedianerehmshow.org/shows/20...tter-way-death

I always learn something when I listen to Diane Rehm on PBS radio.

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Tonight is a black night, weather changing pain escalating. Have been unable to connect with my therapist the last 2 weeks and the "shrink" even took time to really question my state of mind. The usual there it "How goes it, well lets add this med, and increase that one", "see you in 4 weeks" Takes less then 15 min to walk into the office, check in, pay the co-pay, visit with him and walk out of the office back to my car. He has managed my medications the best of all the different docs I have had. Unfortunately it is 4 hours there and 4 hours home. Can usually get in to see my pain doc on same day, (I can actually park in one lot and walk across the lawn to the other clinic) Any way. Monster being here is all that is keeping me here this night

bumping up for our lurkers.....