By Al Estock

Choice, as it relates to suicide, remains a somewhat controversial subject. Many people insist that those who die by suicide make a final "choice" to die. Respectfully, I disagree. The word choice makes it much to neat and simple - as though suicide was as easy as selecting a pair of shoes or a tie.
Suicide is so much more complex.

Truth is - the only person who makes a true "choice" to die by suicide is a person with a fully functional, rational mind - free of mental challenge/distress-and capable of making the choice to die from a variety of options they clearly understand, with all consequences equally apparent.

Sadly, the vast majority of suicides result from underlying, untreated, mistreated, or unsuccessfully treated mental challenges - often including
major depression. The stigma/silence that surrounds any constructive discussion about mental challenge provides the first strike toward suicide. Few want to admit to having mental issues. Even fewer care to discuss them. The second strike is born by shame, humiliation, and/or hopelessness felt by the person with thoughts of suicide - and the desperate need they often feel to keep such feelings and thoughts secret. The third and final strike occurs when the person is unable to see any path but suicide to relieve their mental torment.

Suicide is not about choice - it is about lack of choice. One cannot make a choice if one is unable to comprehend that a spectrum of other choices exists. It is not the case that those that die from irrational suicide make a bad choice, the wrong choice - a tragic, final "choice" - they simply follow the only path they are able to understand that will end the mental pain they feel. Of course, we, as survivors, see the multitude of rational choices that could have been made.

Bottom line - most suicides do not result from a "choice" - they most often result from an illness process that robs the deceased of the ability to make a rational choice, The deceased did not ask for the illness, nor did they understand or choose the consequences. Our society does not blame people who die from cancer, heart disease, kidney disease, liver failure, or stroke for "choosing" their deaths. It is long overdue that the burden of blame, shame and "choice" is lifted from those that die by suicide. Most did not want to die; they simply needed to escape from pain. Their illness prevented any glimmer of a choice.

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This excellent article was the SOS newsletter that arrived today. It originated in Obelisk Oct. 2012 catholiccharities.net/loss

My favorite part of the post!!!!!


Suicide is so much more complex.


Bottom line - Most did not want to die; they simply needed to escape from pain. Their illness prevented any glimmer of a choice.

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I so know this feeling.... I live it every day!!!!!

Abbie

I know you do dear friend...hang tough, you are loved.

I have been a virtual recluse in my house from pain and DIScomfort from a tbi, alone and sick and terrified. the internet is my only companion, but I tell myself that I have to love so the others in my family won't suffer. I am 45, not married, no kids, lost a great job, and head injury was caused by a horrifying combnation of drugs that a doctor gave me. I know I have to keep going but I don't really want to. oh well.

thank you Markneill! As a survivor of my only sons' suicide I can tell you that it forever changed our family. I am so sorry for your life changing injury and for our Abbies as well. You both are in my prayers.

Thank you for your post. it made me realized that I have to keep going for the others in my family. I am sorry you have had to suffer through your only son's suicide. I wish only the best for you.

I was so very on top of the brink of my planned event after having suffered a catastrophic traffic wreck which robbed me of career, means to support my family, ability to enjoy life beyond pain.....and then, when I did finally see what I perceived as "light at the end of the tunnel" for a possible re-entry to the market of those who CAN help support the family, I was "pushed down, cast off, and shown the door" by a party I had formerly felt could be helpful as I had helped their company thrive.....

In a word, hopelessness took such a grand hold of my mind, I entered the eddy of downward spiral, a leaf adrift in a vortex which came within minutes of realization of my plan.... I had made it to my place of seclusion... had the instrument of my "transition" to the other side.... and felt there was no other way. Then. Something blinked in me. I ascribe it to faith. Others might differ- even so, I backed from that moment slowly, not punishing myself for "What HAVE I Nearly Done???" Instead, I just sat there in my jeep on a lonely mountain road. Darkness arrived. I laid the instrument of "end all for me" aside. Started the car. Put it in gear. Sat there a LONG while. Then turned about and headed down the mountain. Home was a warm place that night.

The crisis was far from over, and loving people saw to it I received much needed help. That temporary/permanent solution to My individual pain was placed into perspective and put away where it belongs unused by me.

A few years have now passed. Career definitely reestablished, bolstered A LOT by the outreach I immediately began to do helping others network to find work. They all graduated and I still help those who need someone to come alongside.....then, I was blessed with my opportunity to work anew. I help in a big way to provide for my family again. We are no where near as financially wealthy as we were at one point before my car wreck induced bodily injuries.....although, we are FAR WEALTHIER in the spirit with one another, recognizing the blessings we have and hold in one another. Ahhhhhh, that is the ticket.

I feel blessed.

I hope and pray you may feel thus TOO.

Tiny steps....one at a time, carefully placed, and with the help of those who treat the issues I suffered bring people like us back from the brink. Then families such as we have and such as Alffe so selflessly shares may thrive ablaze in the blessings of togetherness.

Color me Blessed

We are blessed by your sharing here dear Mark. And I am the cause of your misspelling his name.....sorry.

Our son left behind an 8 yr. old son when he killed himself. That boy, now a grown man with children of his own, has never grieved properly and is "stuck" in that awful anger stage. His wonderful wife and I communicate privately and I am trying to reach out to him. He doesn't want to discuss it!
She said he becomes angry if she brings it up. It's so hard to help someone unless they are in your arms and you can look them in the eyes.

Yesterday I mailed him a packet of old letters his dad sent us and a book about suicide. We've sent him things that were his dads before but I've never tried a "front on" suicide discussion. If it angers him so be it. I'll continue to love him from afar.

Mr.Alffe is hollering for his breakfast! Later gator.

Hope you and Mr. Alffe had goooooooooooooooooood breakfast.

We are going to "up and away" to breakfast, then to church for worship....try to do it in reverse order today to "beat the crush."

I misspelled Neil because I know an Neill. My error, not your lead.

May your loving and caring for grandson ultimately lead to healing in that family. Hard, I am sure, for he does not Want to "go there." Even so, he perpetuates the legacy of hurt For His Own Children if he cannot and will not obtain help so as to live through his stages of grief. How well reminded I am of the truth "no one is an island." Cast adrift onto the swells of humanity, we each need the other, lest we engage in destructive behaviors, whether of body as some venture..... or of emotion as your grandson lives.

Unbidden, I will pray. Can't hurt,

I have been bed bound almost 3 years with a crippling disease ,you are not alone..