on the 6th of June it was the 70th anniversary of D-Day in which my day served...[a more poigniant day as many will not be there in the next years to come]

on 8th of June it was the one year anniversary of the death of my brother, we lived far apart but i loved him dearly

15th of June my wifes Auntie committed suicide her bed ridden husband my wifes blood uncle was upstairs. when the alarm was raised he was rushed to hospital with phnuemonia...and is currently in an induced coma

21st of June today...........my dad died 18 years ago [seems like yesterday]

And throughout this month i have felt terrible unstable....not out and out manic but submissively depressed like the darkness will never lift.................

God i wish i could shake it off

my GP says i will need extra meds if it does not calm down ...........and through all this turmoil...i feel nothing but sadness............i cant hold a conversation with anyone.............and yet the solitude i seek is what is slowly killing me....the medication i'm on numbs me i feel lost and after three years on it eveyone is so quick to say i'm a different man [so quiet] yet they all hated the impulsive David prior to meds


just venting

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pB-5XG-DbAA

David

Dear friend

I feel your sadness as you present it
May we all feel the comfort of the Almighty
in his big worn flannel shirt
Oh dear friend depression has a hold
here
I too am trying so hard to shake it
I've been on the boards all day
my sixteen year old went to the store in the
early morning hours we FAUGHT she isn't home yet
Hanging on with you in prayer so many in prayers
Amen

(((DMACK))) I find that exercise helps me burn off some of that...brisk walking, mowing the grass. I'd rather lay around with a good book but it's hard to concentrate when that depressed.

As difficult as it may be; too much dwelling on the sadness will pull you down even further. Try my best not to go there for long.

Glad you have this place to "vent".


Gerry

in memory of my wifes auntie who we buried today.who comoitted suicide three weeks ago

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_mzw2MdIFY





David

Thinking about you David.

I misunderstood that you were having a problem with mania over at Bipolar. It sounds instead like the manic stuff was over medicated, and that you have some depression on top.

And then........ so much grief. So much to grieve and so deep it goes.

I'm so sorry for your losses, David.

(((hugs)))

waves

What a terrible month for you david.
(((((HUGS)))))
know that we care about you.
bizi

What an incredible song...I never heard it before!

Alffe ...........without your input in my life..i would be lost

David [i'm glad you liked the song]

I tried to commit suicide 1 year after being diagnosed with Trigeminal Neuralgia. My life took a severe downward spiral due to the illness. I Had to quit working, driving, eating and pretty much never left home. All of the doctors I saw that year basically said there was nothing they could do but keep me on high doses of anti-seizure drugs. I was a zombie. I have always been a happy person and never even thought about suicide before I got sick. One day it just popped into my mind that I wasn't going to live like that anymore. Fortunately the EMT's got to me before I actually died and I was rushed to the emergency room. Later I was released from the emergency room and immediately committed to a psychiatric ward for 10 days. At that time I could not even talk about the suicide attempt or my illness without totally breaking down emotionally. Eventually, after counseling sessions with counselors and a psychiatrist everyday I was able to discuss the incident/illness rationally. I think the thing that helped me the most, was talking about it. Today I'm back to my normal self and I did finally find a Neurosurgeon to repair my damaged nerve. I don't know if this helps but just thought I would share where I was at during that point in my life. That was 4 years ago.