Anger.Fear. Despair. Hopelessness. Feeling limited, rejected, alone. Betrayed. Overwhelming grief. Rage. Panic. Terror.

The list of feelings we experience is long. Sometimes we don't allow ourselves to feel. We hold our feelings inside, tucked away. They may start to come out, but we force them back. "shouldn't feel that way. Don't want to feel that way. Afraid to feel that way." But denying feelings doesn't make them go away. It makes us tired, apathetic, sick, and stuck.

Often, beliefs are connected to feelings. We feel rageful because we believe God has abandoned us. We feel terrified because we believe we're unlovable. We feel limited because we believe we're doomed.

A common wisdom among professionals is that we need to get it all out--
not deny our feelings and beliefs--in order to be free of them. We don't change by pretending.

This process sounds easy, but can be intense. And "getting it all out" doesn't mean hurting ourselves, or anyone else. It means we take responsibility for our feelings and beliefs as well as our process of healing them. If you begin the process, seek help from a therapist or counselor who will commit to guiding you through.

There are many options and sources of help available that can assist us in getting our old feelings and beliefs out. Therapists and support groups can help and encourage us. Keeping a journal, letter writing (these don't have to be sent), talking, crying, driving in the car screaming, can help.


Taken from Melody Beattie's book, A Reason to Live.

From the Chapter, Alternatives that bring Change by Kathrine L.Manchester

Thanks for that Alffe. My sister and I have been discussing how we just keep pushing our feelings/anxiety/depression down further and further since our parents passed.

It helped to see that I wasn't the only one feeling like that and we were also able to discuss the fact that we felt our mom was depressed. Not a deep depression but I think she just lost herself with raising kids and always being there for our family. We see those same traits in ourselves and I don't want to hang on to the feeling of despair that I feel at times.

It has really helped to talk about it and get it out of my brain where it just hangs there...Sue

Sue, I'm so glad you have your sister to talk to about your feelings and I think it's very insightful that you were able to identify your mothers feelings of losing herself in her family responsibilities. I think a lot of women gave up their dreams and that had to cause some resentment.

It's a different time we live in now...*grin. And women get to "do it all" and men have to help them do it. (that's a mixed blessing...definately a change!)

You are of course doing the right thing by talking about it!