Thank you for your kind words Eva. And everybody. I glady accept your hand & support. I offer my hand to you all too... Again, thank you...

I think a lot of people identify themselves by what they do, and that makes things much harder when they can't work because of a disability. Most people want to serve a purpose, and interact with others in the workplace.

I often feel stagnant, and left behind in life. It's a lousy feeling. I know that my disability is permanent. I know that it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you're in pain and suffering, but if there is a chance that your disability could be temporary, please try your best to focus on your potential recovery. Of course that does not mean that you're not entitled to your current feelings- they are justified.

Since your boss is still awaiting your return you must be one hell of a worker ;)
It's nice to know that they will roll out the red carpet for you when you are ready to work again, and I hope that will be soon :hug::hug::hug:

I keep trying & I keep failing... I will continue to make the effort, but as my "recovery clock" ticks down, & this keeps happening, it becomes more & more likely that I will have to try to accept my fate... Im not sure if I can do that...

Apologies, my messages are pretty negative these days but this is the only place that I dont have to pretend that I am ok. I am not ok...

Oh dear
Never any apologies
It takes courage to write how one really feels
This is how we know we aren't alone
It is getting harder and harder
It is real
It is you
Happy to know you
It is a place I too share the same
Not ever to hurt anybody
Just to see if
There is anybody else
Or
Is this just me
Never any apologies
My shoulder
Broad they are
So sorry
Me

Andy,

Most of us have been there; no apologies needed.

Appreciate your sharing your thoughts and feelings.


Gerry

There is no need to apologize for sharing how you feel, and you have good reason to experience dark periods. You are fighting, and it's not always pretty.

I remember the fight to return to work over and over…
And the tears that fell when I finally made the call to file for disability at 28.
It was a long road to acceptance…

You mentioned a "recovery clock" ticking down. What do you mean by that, Andy?

I was given a time frame of up to two years for nerves to repair themselves once being freed from compression. If they dont recover within those two years, then the damage will be permanent. My surgery was fourteen months ago & every time I fail to return to basic activity, the time left for any repair gets shorter & shorter & my morale drops lower & lower... There is still time & I have not given up hope yet, but It becomes more & more stressful as I get closer to the two years... I beat myself up about being so weak to let it get to me, as its not usually in my nature... But maybe it is. Maybe this is me at my most raw & the real me... I don't like this 'me'...

Adversity will change anyone to some degree, but becoming discouraged or experiencing depression does not make you weak. Your situation would test anyone.

Sometimes the situation we've found ourselves in has dragged us so far down that we need meds to help us get back up, and sometimes those meds need to be tweaked. Some people find therapy helpful. Getting psych care isn't a sign of weakness either. If you start to feel like you are really starting to lose morale, this might be an avenue to pursue, or pursue further.

I'm glad that you haven't given up hope :hug::hug::hug:

Hang on Pablo even when the road is bumpy

I Won't Let You Go James Morrison Lyrics - YouTube






Best wishes... for a better tomorrow....one day at a time


Man:hug::hug:

Andy,

I so agree with Kay.

Hopefully it will not be necessary; but should that be the case please know it does take time to accept and adapt. I know things took a turn for the better for me when I finally was able to accept my situation learning new ways to make the best of each day. I still have "downers"; but try not to stay there too long because there are things to be accomplished.

Either way Andy, please don't give up.


Gerry