Andy I so admire your positive attitude sending positive thoughts

Andy,
You're right....tomorrow is a new day. With each new day, the pain will lessen. Learning new ways and new moves will help as well. Unfortunately healing takes time and patience. Soon you will be "out and about". Just taking longer than you had anticipated.


Gerry

A quick update, which is a little more positive this time... I have forced myself to do some walking & it appears to have loosened things up a little... I am out of bed now & managing my days in my front room, which is brilliant... Small things we take for granted become massive when taken away from us... I have managed to keep on top of my dishes too, which is great... Cant do any more than that yet, but the small improvement feels massive & hopefully the start of better things to come!

Andy,
 

Thanks for the update.
Maybe just one new thing to try each day. Like maybe even go for a short walk. Some fresh air might add a little extra push to the next small adventure. Of course, from experience, you know better than to overdo things.



Gerry

hi from indigo
 

Hi Andy. I'm sure your therapist would like to hear from you if you are really struggling at the moment. She will have good boundaries as a professional regardless of what is going on in her private life and it sounds like you really need to talk to someone face to face. I think you're very courageous and I hope you can get the help and support you need very soon.

All the best
Indigo

Another quick update. Feeling a little more optimistic lately as managed to reach my walking target. It was only a short walk, but it felt like walking to the moon. Im aware that there is a lot of negative thoughts & feelings on this board, certainly from myself, so just wanted to attempt to tip the balance with a little positive news...

Peace out & love to the room :-)

Congratulations on reaching your walking target, Andy. Keep the goals attainable, but just stretching you enough. Nice to read a positive Post from you.

Dave.

Yeah!!! So happy to hear about the walking. It feels so good when you start making those gains. Keep up the good work!

Brick by brick, good citizens of Rome....
:hug:

Keep up the good work Andy. Positive attitude is a real plus.


Gerry

I hope everyone is well.

A quick update; I am able to walk slightly further distances & doing a bit more around the house... Nothing too major, but improvement is definitely there, albeit slowly, & that gives hope for the futute... I am determined to get some life back next year & already have a job lined up if I can get enough improvement... Victor not victim!

Love to the room...

Well done Andy Pablo.

Gosh, you've had quite a journey haven't you.

It's very good to read your positive update.

Take care there.

:hug:

Hey Andy,

You should Post your positive comments on the Villa website, get them motivated :D

Joking apart, it is good to read that you are making plans for a future with less pain and darkness.

Dave.

Haha! If Petrovs story cant motivate them, nothing will, lol...
Cheers all. There is still a long way to go, but with improvement comes hope & little by little, 'me' starts to show through again...

Pain fluctuates like a beast lately... Hugely frustrating to feel like one takes two steps forward & then get pushed five steps back... Had to go back on opiates to help cope, which then slows the mind & frustrates further... Stressed & frustrated...

Sorry to read this Andy. sending positive thoughts your way for a lessening of your pain. :hug:

I'm sorry that your pain has gotten so bad that you've had to go back on opiates :hug::hug::hug: I hate the trade offs we sometimes have to make in order to fell better and to function.

Pain has come back as severe as it ever has been. Gutted doesnt even begin to describe how I feel... Really starting to lose hope now... My Granddad passed away last week. We knew it was coming, but it still doesnt prepare you for it... And then the family bickering starts... Is it wrong that I dont want to see or speak to anyone? Sorry, I needed to get that off my chest... Just feeling a little lost at the moment...

Valid
 

Dear friend
So hard when physical pain is what we deal with 24 hours of the day seven days a week
How many years now
It all happened one night getting up from a nap to go to work
I thought I awakened with a stiff neck
If that were only the case
Now retired from ever being able to work
Even on a part time basis
With time I need to lie down
Tough when family misbehaves in a child like manner
Amazing how real colors emerges when a family gathering happens
It most certainly is
You can be certain to protect yourself by
doing whatever possible not to have to deal
with things you aren't interested
And you are not being disrespectful
Infact it is a unselfish act
Think about it
Really think about it on a larger scale
May you be blessed with a miracle
and your pains be lifted
Through my next faze in life
I have gotten to know our Heavenly Father
And through ALL MY PAINS
I wouldn't have it any other way
It is exactly how my Heavenly Father allows
For the devil needed to ask our Heavenly Father if he
could (excuse MY vulgar tongue) f with Job
So honestly
Who RULES
In Jesus I trust
In God I believe
Not easy fighting the fight
And what we HAVE TO WALK AWAY FROM
love
Me

Gentle hug dear man and families can be so "interesting " sometimes!

It's not wrong to not want to see or speak to anyone, especially bickering family members. Everyone deals with loss in their own way. You are already dealing with severe chronic pain, and that can sometimes lead people to isolate themselves, too. Please be kind to yourself :hug::hug::hug:

I'm sorry for your loss :hug::hug::hug:

My pain has fluctuated so much in recent weeks that I have no idea what is going on... I just want it to settle as when its low, I feel like I can move forward, but when its high, I cant see how I could possibly get my life back... Its frustrating to be mentally ready to take on the world, but the slightest overstretch puts me back in bed... I am no fun anymore. My sense of humour has almost gone & I am losing the battle to find "me" again... I can see myself pushing everybody away & not sure why... I am exhausted...

Of course you're exhausted who wouldn't be . Hang tough dear man and know that you're not alone

Thank you Alffe.

Gentle hug (Andy)

Just a quick message to say that things have calmed down a little past couple of days & my mind has been put at ease for the time being... I have no doubt that there will be further ups & downs in the future, so have to appreciate when things arent so ****... I tire more every day & it feels like I exist rather than I live... C'est la Vie... Will keep plodding along until hopefully things get better... But after three years so far, that light at the end of the tunnel becomes more dim & distant... Thank you for being here & giving support to myself & many others... Know that it is appreciated...

While asking my old boss about a job for a friend of mine today, my boss asked me when Im coming back. I had to quit my job nearly three years ago & they still want me to return. It is so frustrating to be given the opportunity to have a life again, only for that opportunity to be snatched away by fates twisted sense of humour. I am not sure whether to be happy that they still value me, or depressed that I cant return. The catch twenty two of my life. There is a strange numbness & resignation to these repeated knock backs. I miss my job. I miss my life...

Be happy that they want you back and be depressed that you don't feel well enough to go . Hugs

Andy,
I can well understand where you are coming from. Really nice to know your old boss thought enough of you that you would be welcomed back; but it's a reminder how much the mind is willing; but the body won't cooperate.

The best the body will do for today is what I try to focus on; otherwise the "downers" take over.

Keep on "plodding" along my friend.


Gerry

Think Im just feeling a little sorry for myself at the moment. So many opportunities that I cant be a part of, while friends, family members & even those I dislike are all moving on with life & I am trapped... Just need to man up a bit, I think...

Oh heck
 

Andy there is no man up
You let loose when you need to
You have spoken the words for many
You can and it happens to us every once in a while
Watching the world go round and we are limited to be in it
Oh how I know how you are feeling
I have come to understand taking it one moment at a time
And then I wonder what if I were working when Eva was borni had my second PCDF that took my life assoon aftr that my double mastectomy
All this to happen and then Eva was born
Into this world where mom is still active in her addiction
What would have become of my granddaughter
How things have a purpose and I have to move along as best I can
I have become somewhat of a recluse
Someone who worked with the public all my life
Waitress 12 years full time to raise my babies
Malicious behavior from the father of our babies
A true DEADBEAT all their lives
My eldest was just turning 4 she is 35 now
My boy ready to turn 2 is 33 now
My grandchild mother 3months old now 32
Then I have my 18 year old
And finally my grandchild
I see where I'm needed

Worked those and many years after nights
Rarely did I have jobs in the 9-5 hours
Those were the corporate jobs
My last 12 1/2 years with the city I lived in for 46 years
Gone have zero benefits after getting sick
Retied from life as I knew it
It still freaks me out to say "Retired"
Long story fighting the following
I should be eligable for "early retirement disibility benefits" of my pension deptartment

Back on point
Oh heck
There are only a very few who get it
I have no close friend
Many acquaintances
Many
All I can say for certainty
Is Heavenly Father has been more felt in the last two years. Than ever before in my life
As Christ lives in me
And I'm not in anyway trying to shove this down your throat
It is just my personal experience
But as you said about your place of employment are looking for you too "when are you comeing back"
You were speaking of that it went through this cookie veins also
And many others I am sure
The thought that comes to me when I start feeling sorry for myself is when there was a sport I would play
Volleyball in the sand
And to not ever be able to grip the sand with my toes
Feel it under my feet like that ever again
Now I worry about clots having to spend so much of my time laying in bed
I get up every single morning getting my grandchild off to school
now
Do what I can around the house unti I can't anymore
then retire
This is about you
I keep talking of me
Sorry
And YOU letting loose has zero to do with that
Man up mentality
You are a human being experiencening these spiritual emotions
And feeling a little sorry for how the situation is now is allowed
If you want to scream at the top of the tallest building mountain
or in your head
It's okay
I hear your pain of it "ALL"
Every aspect of ones life
Changed overnight
Just like that
Hand in hand
As I offer you mine
Hang on as we fight the fight
So many horrible things that comes along when one looses their health under whatever circumstances
It hurts
It hurts
To watch them all
Move on with the world
Hang on Andy
Hold my hand as I extend it for you
Be safe in this world Andy
I hear and understand every single word expressed
There is no man up to anything
You matter
Love
Me

Thank you for your kind words Eva. And everybody. I glady accept your hand & support. I offer my hand to you all too... Again, thank you...

I think a lot of people identify themselves by what they do, and that makes things much harder when they can't work because of a disability. Most people want to serve a purpose, and interact with others in the workplace.

I often feel stagnant, and left behind in life. It's a lousy feeling. I know that my disability is permanent. I know that it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you're in pain and suffering, but if there is a chance that your disability could be temporary, please try your best to focus on your potential recovery. Of course that does not mean that you're not entitled to your current feelings- they are justified.

Since your boss is still awaiting your return you must be one hell of a worker ;)
It's nice to know that they will roll out the red carpet for you when you are ready to work again, and I hope that will be soon :hug::hug::hug:

I keep trying & I keep failing... I will continue to make the effort, but as my "recovery clock" ticks down, & this keeps happening, it becomes more & more likely that I will have to try to accept my fate... Im not sure if I can do that...

Apologies, my messages are pretty negative these days but this is the only place that I dont have to pretend that I am ok. I am not ok...

Oh dear
Never any apologies
It takes courage to write how one really feels
This is how we know we aren't alone
It is getting harder and harder
It is real
It is you
Happy to know you
It is a place I too share the same
Not ever to hurt anybody
Just to see if
There is anybody else
Or
Is this just me
Never any apologies
My shoulder
Broad they are
So sorry
Me

Andy,

Most of us have been there; no apologies needed.

Appreciate your sharing your thoughts and feelings.


Gerry

There is no need to apologize for sharing how you feel, and you have good reason to experience dark periods. You are fighting, and it's not always pretty.

I remember the fight to return to work over and over…
And the tears that fell when I finally made the call to file for disability at 28.
It was a long road to acceptance…

You mentioned a "recovery clock" ticking down. What do you mean by that, Andy?

I was given a time frame of up to two years for nerves to repair themselves once being freed from compression. If they dont recover within those two years, then the damage will be permanent. My surgery was fourteen months ago & every time I fail to return to basic activity, the time left for any repair gets shorter & shorter & my morale drops lower & lower... There is still time & I have not given up hope yet, but It becomes more & more stressful as I get closer to the two years... I beat myself up about being so weak to let it get to me, as its not usually in my nature... But maybe it is. Maybe this is me at my most raw & the real me... I don't like this 'me'...

Adversity will change anyone to some degree, but becoming discouraged or experiencing depression does not make you weak. Your situation would test anyone.

Sometimes the situation we've found ourselves in has dragged us so far down that we need meds to help us get back up, and sometimes those meds need to be tweaked. Some people find therapy helpful. Getting psych care isn't a sign of weakness either. If you start to feel like you are really starting to lose morale, this might be an avenue to pursue, or pursue further.

I'm glad that you haven't given up hope :hug::hug::hug:

Hang on Pablo even when the road is bumpy

I Won't Let You Go James Morrison Lyrics - YouTube






Best wishes... for a better tomorrow....one day at a time


Man:hug::hug:

Andy,

I so agree with Kay.

Hopefully it will not be necessary; but should that be the case please know it does take time to accept and adapt. I know things took a turn for the better for me when I finally was able to accept my situation learning new ways to make the best of each day. I still have "downers"; but try not to stay there too long because there are things to be accomplished.

Either way Andy, please don't give up.


Gerry