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Old 09-27-2014, 11:11 PM   #31
ger715
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PamelaJune View Post
Mark, I so wish I had a magic wand and could wave it to relieve you and all the others on this site who suffer unspeakable burdens. Life has dealt you a severe blow and I read of your struggles often. Doctors - there is little I can say that you don't already know, sadly too many of them live with a "god like" complex. They can do no wrong and they live in the belief that their wisdom is what will save you from yourself. Many of them accept no responsibility for the choices they make and will themselves happiness by telling themselves actions they took were with your permission and what they did was with the intent to help. I can understand your dark thoughts, I have been the victim many times of the medical fraternity and their "I can do no wrong" beliefs, for me, it would be more palatable if they would admit they are human and they have made a mistake, but no, that is not in their makeup. To admit mistakes is human and some of these doctors are just not human....
For anyone reading this, I don't have a downer on doctors, there are many who have been wonderful and I owe them my life on more than one occasion. Those doctors are few and far between, the oath they take to save and preserve life must be an overwhelming thought and so I suppose they can be forgiven for succumbing to their godlike complex. That doesn't help us though does it...
Mark, take your anger and shape it, use it to drive you forward and make a place for yourself in this new life of yours. It sucks I know and my heart breaks for all that you have lost, but please, don't do anything that will take you away from this life as hollow as it is, don't give him that victory. Take small small steps and find yourself a path to something new. Lament no more the life you have lost, use your anger and create a new one. It will by necessity be darkly different to what you had but that's ok. You have friends on this site from all ends of the world, we all have different upbringings and thoughts on how life should be, but we all also have one commonality, the desire to be heard and accepted for what we now are. I enjoy your company on this site, so please stay a while longer and continue to share your thoughts and wisdoms.

Pam,

Very well put. You write for most of us going thru this "new life" that we didn't ask for or want"; but it is what we have and need to not allow ourselves too long to stay on the "pity pot".

Pray we can pick ourselves up and move forward using what we do have; trying not to dwell on what we no longer have. Am very thankful we here on NT have each other.


Gerry
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Old 09-28-2014, 11:57 AM   #32
eva5667faliure
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Originally Posted by ger715 View Post
Pam,

Very well put. You write for most of us going thru this "new life" that we didn't ask for or want"; but it is what we have and need to not allow ourselves too long to stay on the "pity pot".

Pray we can pick ourselves up and move forward using what we do have; trying not to dwell on what we no longer have. Am very thankful we here on NT have each other.


Gerry
my dear friend Gerry
i it is so
and the only way to move on
my faith of a miracle
or a new medical finding
to address problems a person may suffer
it has been found embryos are not a option
only for science learned of taking the DNA
of our own self and stem cell may move forward
not taking from a child
i am sure the blood of a newborn from umbilical cord
is precious for internal family line
but that's another issue
this when being reminded everyday why i have to take my meds
in the morning and wait about forty minuets
then to forget and look in the mirror
and be reminded after two years
my oncologist says upon a physical touch
tells me to go back to the reconstructive doctor
there is something wrong
as i had told my augmentation doctor two years after
i was deemed healed and released only what eventually
told to me upon my post two year oncologist recommend
visit and have the truth be told what is called a double bubble
you have followed me enough to understand
a visual reminder of being lied to as with my neurosurgeons
mistake and never owned up to it
resentments Will kill a person
so i try to remember every day
to pray for them
not close to that yet
too not be able to have a feeling of being heard
that they not hurt patients
to be violated on a sexual level by a transporter
employee to take patients from A to B and back to A when a procedure such as an MRI is done
to be lied too at every level possible
is tough
i'm working on it
better most days
the emotional roller coaster draining
to the deep depression that has invaded this mind
something i haven't experienced before as where i am
Now
i have to remind myself
i am needed
no matter how i feel
i have no option at the moment
my love of family
God blessed me with
and to have to be there after they fall
is a must
no option
i know you understand
Corissa send her hello
and hope your doing better
in Jesus i Trust
in His name
Amen

thinking of you
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Old 09-28-2014, 09:34 PM   #33
ger715
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eva5667faliure View Post
my dear friend Gerry
i it is so
and the only way to move on
my faith of a miracle
or a new medical finding
to address problems a person may suffer
it has been found embryos are not a option
only for science learned of taking the DNA
of our own self and stem cell may move forward
not taking from a child
i am sure the blood of a newborn from umbilical cord
is precious for internal family line
but that's another issue
this when being reminded everyday why i have to take my meds
in the morning and wait about forty minuets
then to forget and look in the mirror
and be reminded after two years
my oncologist says upon a physical touch
tells me to go back to the reconstructive doctor
there is something wrong
as i had told my augmentation doctor two years after
i was deemed healed and released only what eventually
told to me upon my post two year oncologist recommend
visit and have the truth be told what is called a double bubble
you have followed me enough to understand
a visual reminder of being lied to as with my neurosurgeons
mistake and never owned up to it
resentments Will kill a person
so i try to remember every day
to pray for them
not close to that yet
too not be able to have a feeling of being heard
that they not hurt patients
to be violated on a sexual level by a transporter
employee to take patients from A to B and back to A when a procedure such as an MRI is done
to be lied too at every level possible
is tough
i'm working on it
better most days
the emotional roller coaster draining
to the deep depression that has invaded this mind
something i haven't experienced before as where i am
Now
i have to remind myself
i am needed
no matter how i feel
i have no option at the moment
my love of family
God blessed me with
and to have to be there after they fall
is a must
no option
i know you understand
Corissa send her hello
and hope your doing better
in Jesus i Trust
in His name
Amen

thinking of you

Dearest Eva,

I am happy to hear of your desire to overcome the hurt and anger of what so many in the medical field have caused you, as well as many of us to feel.

Anger will drain us emotionally and physically if we let it. It is we, who feel the added insult done to us . As Pam put it; it would be nice for just a little admitting some of the errors; but "no"; not going to happen. Most, if not all, will go along there merry old way and not give a second thought to those they have caused harm. So harboring the anger will only affect us. I know it is easier said than done. I have worked and prayed hard to let it go for I know it is I who will suffer the most.

Let Corissa know she has touched me personally. I do so want her to be the person I know in my heart she is.


Gerry
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Old 09-28-2014, 10:15 PM   #34
anon1028
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Eva,
I know the feeling of having a doctor mess you up, the pain has been excruciating the past week. The pain makes me feel like I have the flu and I just want to curl up.
Some choice. I stay alive and my nephew and niece hate me because I don't show up at parties and they think I don't care or do the unthinkable and they resent me.
I'm not suicidal, what's the point. it's not like when I die i'll be able to say wow, I'm dead and not in pain anymore'
Eva, in a haunting conversation I had with a friend before I got sick, I said I would never use a cure founded upon use of fetuses. Not for religious reasons. Just didn't feel right. Now, I don't know what I would decide.
The good thing is they're so far from curing head injuries and thalamic pain I don't have to worry any time soon.
Didn't mean to offend anyone either way. hope I didn't.
Never made it to city see DBS surgeon in city. just don't feel well enough to get there. the thing I hate most about what happened with the doctor is he brought fear into my life. I was never really afraid of much. Now I am afraid all the time. There are people on the TBI/PCS website that are suicidal after two months, I'm going on 84 lol. What makes me so much stronger? That's what scares me. That stinks.
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Old 09-29-2014, 07:39 AM   #35
mrsD
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Lightbulb

The days of fetal stem cells are just about over.

Science has found a way to harvest cells from the patient and to culture them into stem cells and reimplant them.

This is called autologous stem cell treatment:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autolog...ransplantation

In the cases requiring embryonic stem cells, still... those are harvested in special ways. (before the fetus develops in fact)

http://www.cirm.ca.gov/our-progress/...-cell-research
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Old 10-01-2014, 02:49 AM   #36
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What did i do? i threw everything away for a few beers on a pill i should't have been on. oh god what did i do. i used to sleep normal, and feel fine. and no tinnitus. and no pain. no men problems and a very good job. God what did i do. what did i do. i'm sorry mom and dawn. i'm very sorry. I reember thinking that night that i made it. i was 37 and even after all my screwups i was still gonna have a house and a car and a family. what did i do. i thew awy my one life and ruined others. i'm sorry. i was supposed to take care of mother the last 7 years. not her me. and the pain never stops.
This wasnt a practice ilfe. This is the one a get. i worked so hard to get to where i was. it makes no sense.
DAwn is making plans alot and i ont blame her. who wants to be in the house all the time. but i'm too sick to go with her anywahere.
is this it. stuck in the hosue for the rest of my life to feel mental and physical pain and reget. seveh years later and it still hurts. wht did i do.
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Old 10-01-2014, 04:06 AM   #37
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Hang in there dude...
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Old 10-01-2014, 10:42 AM   #38
eva5667faliure
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Default dear friend

if i may
for you Mark

our Father
who is in Heaven
hallowed be thy Name
Thy kingdom come
Thy Will be done
on Earth as it is in Heaven
give Us this Day
Our Daily Bread
and Forgive us Our Trespasses
as WE forgive those who trespassed
against us
lead us not into Temptation
BUT deliver Us from EVIL ONE (them dark thoughts)
for Yours is the Kingdom and the power and the Glory
forever and Ever
Amen
Author: Jesus Christ

Grant me the Serenity
to Accept the Things
i cannot Change
the Courage to Change
the Things i Can
and
the Wisdom To
Know
the Difference

i have to believe
we will be rewarded
it is promised

"he who covers his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy".

Psalm 38 may it bring you at peace in your pain

i understand

hanging on

me
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Old 10-08-2014, 06:53 AM   #39
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God, just let me outlive my mother without the symptoms getting worse, without dementia or obvious cognitive problems. Let me hide the suffering from her until she goes. After that, you can do to me what you want.
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Old 10-11-2014, 05:36 PM   #40
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hi Mark

you really are having a bad time....

can i draw your attention to your signiture

"You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done!"


Powerful words Mark.....words that hold the clue to the turmoil you are dealing with...........

life is at times ugly......it throws out things that even the strongest shoulders can't carry.............

doesn't mean your weak..it means you have to learn another way to cope....

i have Bi-polar and have many dark days....but i try to live.....because thats all i can do.... try.......

i work with homeless people...........many have addiction issues and or mental health problems........i tell them all WRITE YOUR LIFE STORY..................because while you are writing you are venting.....while you are venting.....you are healing.... because you are off loading your thoughts and emotional baggage.............its the baggage that kills us not illness.........baggage is the illness. [negative unhelpful thoughts & memories]

whats worse a life of regret...or...regret that you haven't lived?

KEEP MOVING FORWARD MARK

David
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