I was first going to post this as a reply to a TBI/PSC thread about relationships but it belongs here more.

my relationship will likely end soon due to me. My complete surrender to the injury along with my INTENSE hatred of the doctor who gave me oxy and bup together thus making a minor head injury major, is dooming me.

I even pay doctors online to tell me what I already know.
The buprenorphine must be started only in people who have not used oxycodone for at least a day or two.
Paid 18 bucks for that info. Info I already knew 1000 times.

I relive it over and over and over and the ensuing suicide attempts and psych ward visits and horrible pain and loss of career, friends, etc. over and over and over and the medical board finding him not guilty over and over and over and that I started this whole thing by drinking with maois over and over and over.

I don't groom, I don't leave the house. I don't watch TV. I just lay here and think about that doctor like Ahab thought about the whale.
From hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee.