I am naturally a laid back positive person who has been described as a "happy go lucky cheeky chappy". However, after the death of my father, my thirteen year relationship with the woman I worshipped ending, losing my home & pets, then getting my injury which has put me in constant agonising pain, & that then forcing me to lose the job as a graphic designer for a sports company that I loved. All within three years. I am no longer myself. My friends are distancing themselves & I am not close to most of my family. When everything is lost, then there is nothing left to lose. I decided to try & find a way out. I researched the least painful, most successful ways of finding an end to the emotional & physical pain.*admin edit* The only reason I didn't do it there & then was down to the fact that I live opposite a school & I didn't want the children to see anything. There was no way I was going to scare & traumatise innocent young kids because I was in a bad place. That basically saved my life at the point. My younger brother sent me a Snapchat, as he usually did & I responded, only this time I had shaven my head. He instantly knew something was very wrong as anyone who knows me, knows I am quite vain & love my long hair. He came to my flat within minutes & took me straight to the hospital. After that, he sort of 'nurse maided' me for months, attempting to turn me away from the dark place I had fallen into. I can never thank him enough for basically saving me from myself. Twelve months on & I still struggle on a daily basis. I realise that the footing between me & oblivion is very fragile, but by taking things one day at a time, confronting the issues that cause my dark thoughts & trying to reconnect with the "happy go lucky cheeky chappy" that is still inside me somewhere. I miss the old me, however I am trying to be positive about the future & just life in general. I hope that I am over the worst & I wish anyone who is in a dark place the best of luck with your struggle...