I read your post and cried, not for me but for you. Our daily life sees us try on many shoes, those that get us through and those that help us on our way throughout the day, then there are the ones that anchor us to this life. I have given thought to ending it all and thankfully that thought has just remained a thought. Stay in the moment, draw on whatever you can to anchor yourself to this life, open up your heart to try new things, take small steps towards a new life. But most of all, be kind to yourself, you are worth it.