I have 3 journals.

Dear Alffe... ... I know it is very difficult to journal.
Years ago, I saw a show (well, ok, it was Oprah) and she talked about a Gratitude Journal with Maya Angelou (sp?).... and she said that at the end of every day, she wrote down 5 things she was grateful for.

So, I decided to do this... my marriage was nearing its end after 22 years... I still wasn't diagnosed with bipolar/depression... and I was falling apart...
And writing in this journal really ****** me off.... I had so much anger... I couldn't see the sense in it....
anyway, I started this journal ... then flipped to the end of the book and started writing what was I was really feeling... cuz as much as I was grateful for so much in my life... I needed to write about the crappy stuff, too.

Well, that didn't last long.

I put it away... for years... until I found my Angel Therapist... who told me - buy a journal and write in it! For goodness sakes - I know/knew it was a healthy thing to do... but, dang, it brought out so much anger in me... and I just wanted to bury it... and I didn't want to face it... it hurt too damn much!!!!

I don't write in it often... I go for months without writing... but over the years, I have collected 3 very beautiful, special books - and I'm so grateful for them...

I read back and am in awe at how much I have learned/changed/grown ... I have watched myself over and over... and I have had many AHA moments along the way.

I am also very blessed to have found all the letters that I wrote to my Dad from age 10 to over age 30. I found them in his apartment when he died. I haven't changed much over the years... the core of who made me what I am is still there...
Those letters are the most amazing journal of all.

Not sure I have a real message for you Alffe... except to say - all that your have written HERE in this forum is journalling... there are times when I think I should have saved everything I ever wrote in these and our other Forum... that, in itself, speaks volumes about us.

I hope that you discover how special you are...
xooxoxox to all of you here
Addy

~sigh~ Ok, so it's supposed to be hard, like a lot of things.
I read your post Addy and liked what you said about journaling on the SOS forums...That was easy because of all the support and feedback we got from each other.

I don't want anyone to read the bile I'm spewing on those pages....boy I really am angry about a lot of things including my nose!!

Have you ever sung the simple song, "Forgive Me"? It is so beautiful and brings me to tears whenever I hear it. Jesus did not make forgiveness look easy so why did I think it would be.

And don't get me started on church! The only thing wrong with our church are the "Christians" that attend it!!!

Thank you for the advice and I shall continue to try doing this. ~sigh

Thanks you two. I should do that very thing, journal my thoughts.

befuddled2