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11-17-2014, 11:56 PM
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Magnate
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I have been feeling soooooo down these days.... Suicidal to the point I wrote a letter saying goodbye to everything and everyone.... DONT WORRY. i wont do it.... Im too tired to even try....
The reason: frustration and failure like always.... Saw my therapist and yeah, everything he says make sense, but my brain simply cant process the info, believe what he is saying and feel better... I keep feeling blue and miserable even with therapy, meds and supplements... Sorry, I needed to vent. Im tired of feeling, Im tired of my brain being awake and saying silly things 24/7.... It wont stop.... Thanks for listening. |
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11-18-2014, 05:49 AM
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Legendary
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Sorry to hear this, Blue.
I'd wondered how you were doing.  Are these feelings by any chance related to just having had your Birthday and with on going studies? If you've had any med changes lately or if you've been on the same dose of meds for a long time, it might be worth going to talk with the doctor who prescribes them straight away and explain how you're feeling at the moment. If it is your therapist who prescribes your meds then they're obviously aware. Please keep going for your appointments until this low mood goes away. Please try to remember that you've felt this way before and you've got better and stronger. I'm just sorry you have to deal with all the ups and downs and highs and lows. You will feel better soon. You just need to get through this tough stage again and remember there are always people to talk with here at NT. Your friends miss you when you're not around but they'll always be there when you need someone to lean on for a while. How long have you been feeling this low? take care of yourself there. |
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11-18-2014, 09:30 AM
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Magnate
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Hey dear Lara !!
I have been down for a week but yesterday was the worse... My doc knows, but he didnt say anything about changing meds/doses (at least now)... Im frustrated because I planned something for a long time and at the end, I did it wrong and failed (not school related). the story is long and boring so I just wanted to summarize it... My therapist gave me a book about perfectionism which Im reading now... I never saw myself like a perfectionist, but readig the description the author gives in that book, well, it seems I am one and according to that book, that's one of the reasons I dont enjoy life (and never have)... I fint it actually "funny"... Like, oh Lord... Really ? Anyway, thanks for reading I love you.
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11-18-2014, 05:08 PM
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Young Senior Elder Member
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(((Blue))) You are always so hard on yourself! We think you are dynamite and then some!
__________________
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11-18-2014, 08:04 PM
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Magnate
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Ha !
You made me smile dear ! 
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11-20-2014, 10:11 AM
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Wisest Elder Ever
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Dear blue,
Have you been exercising still? I know how much that helps when we get those natural endorphines working. I am sorry that it has been such a struggle for you. (((((HUGS))) bizi
__________________
. Hattie the black and white one wrestling with hazel, calico. lost hattie to cancer..... Happiness is a decision.... 150mg of lamictal 2x a day haldol 5mg 2x a day 1mg of cogentin 2x a day klonipin , 1mg at night I will not give up in this weight loss journey, nor this need to be AF. 3-19-13=156, 6-7-13=139, 8-19-13=149, 11-12-13=140, 6-28-14=157, 7-24-14=149, 9-24-14=144, 1-12-15=164, 2-28-15=149, 4-21-15=143, 6-26-15=138.5, 7-22-15=146, 8-24-15=151, 9-15-15=145, 11-1-15=137, 11-29-15=143, 1-4-16=152, 1-26-16=144, 2-24-16=150, 8-15-16=163, 1-4-17=169, 9-20-17=174, 11-17-17=185.6, 3-22-18=167.9, 8-31-18= 176.3, 3-6-19=190.8 5-30-20=176, 1-4-21=202, 10-4-21= 200.8,12-10-21=186, 3-26-22=180.3, 7-30-22=188, 10-15-22=180.9, |
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12-05-2014, 11:10 AM
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Grand Magnate
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Quote:
i read and reread reread as my therapist i am with for several years tells me life has been difficult for me but i must remember i have people who i am responsible for therefore not an option and i ask him i am tired of feeling as i do i do not look to be depressed my brain never stops hence i don't like being awake i am tired of crying no one to really grasp what my innards ache from the depressing situations i have no control over i now mourn a job gone because i cannot move as i did i'm scared so scared and i can't shut the lights out another one stuck i hate it i sorry you are hurting me
__________________
someone who cares eva |
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12-06-2014, 10:03 AM
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Grand Magnate
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Blue that perfectionism demon was once a bane for me...and counsellor helped me beyond it. It is nice being imperfect just like everyone else, I find.
Sending hugs for you at this time. M56
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12-08-2014, 07:28 PM
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Magnate
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Im tired guys.... I have been doing everything I can to try to change the way I see life, the way I see people around me, the way I see my family... I try to modify the way my brain see things.... and nothing works... I take my meds, I take my supplements, I see my therapist and do (or try to) the exercises he gives me, I run in the treadmill at least 3 days a week and yet, Im aching.... My whole life is a pain.....
My silly brain cant enjoy anything, cant see beauty.... It on,y sees the negative side of everything.... That of course depress me and send me back to my past where I just see more mistakes, failures, frustration.... Im tired of being me and I really dont know what else I can do to change 
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| "Thanks for this!" says: | Alffe (12-10-2014), barbo (12-09-2014), bizi (12-09-2014), eva5667faliure (12-08-2014), Lara (12-10-2014) |
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12-09-2014, 11:05 PM
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Wisest Elder Ever
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dear blue,
I am sorry that life is so hard right now for you. YOu have been in this black hole before and have come out of it. I am glad that you came to share your feelings with us here. That you trust us enough to open up. I know that you are tired and are hurting. (((((HUGS)))) I wish I could give you a real one, so place both of your arms around your self and give yourself a hug from me. Do it, it feels good! bizi
__________________
. Hattie the black and white one wrestling with hazel, calico. lost hattie to cancer..... Happiness is a decision.... 150mg of lamictal 2x a day haldol 5mg 2x a day 1mg of cogentin 2x a day klonipin , 1mg at night I will not give up in this weight loss journey, nor this need to be AF. 3-19-13=156, 6-7-13=139, 8-19-13=149, 11-12-13=140, 6-28-14=157, 7-24-14=149, 9-24-14=144, 1-12-15=164, 2-28-15=149, 4-21-15=143, 6-26-15=138.5, 7-22-15=146, 8-24-15=151, 9-15-15=145, 11-1-15=137, 11-29-15=143, 1-4-16=152, 1-26-16=144, 2-24-16=150, 8-15-16=163, 1-4-17=169, 9-20-17=174, 11-17-17=185.6, 3-22-18=167.9, 8-31-18= 176.3, 3-6-19=190.8 5-30-20=176, 1-4-21=202, 10-4-21= 200.8,12-10-21=186, 3-26-22=180.3, 7-30-22=188, 10-15-22=180.9, |
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| "Thanks for this!" says: | Alffe (12-10-2014), barbo (12-10-2014), BlueMajo (12-10-2014), eva5667faliure (12-11-2014), Lara (12-10-2014) |
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