In the past two years or so, I've tried to talk to different doctors about my emotional problems relating to my chronic pain and what a profound negative impact it has on my life. These are the things I've said to medical doctors:

I'm having a hard time dealing with this.
I think I'm going to hurt myself.
I don't think I can live like this much longer.
I'm worried because I had a strong urge to kill myself and now I think about suicide every day.

My statements were ignored each and every time. At my pain management doctor's office this morning, I told the nurse that my mood problems were giving me more trouble than my pain problems. I told her I was having thoughts of suicide and tried to explain what I've gone through lately. She cut me off before I was finished and suggested that I get a pintrest account. Huh?

I assume that she relayed all of this to the doctor. He came in, gave me my injections and left the room. End of story.

Every time this happens, I feel like another piece of my soul has been chipped off.

I am very thankful for all of you. You understand what I'm going through and have gone out of your way to make me feel cared for. I can't tell you what that means to me.
Cheryl

I am sorry. A pain Dr. SHOULD be well versed with that topic because it goes hand in hand with chronic pain of any type ! Time to get your B on skip talking to nurse and as soon as your pain dr. walks into room with you stand up so you are face to face and say out loud... I have been trying to tell you.. then raise your voice slighly louder ..that I cant live like this . I feel like i am gonna hurt myself . With your voice still slightly loud tell pain doc you have thought about suicide and that you think about it more often lately. Then hand him a handwritten note stating what you just spoke about all the above mentioned. Hand the pain dr. that note and tell him to add that note of paper to your records . Which he should have in the room with you at time of dr visit. If your pain doctor refuses to add note to your records and dismisses you ... sister you need another pain doctor ! In the mean time ... make yourself at home in the forums here lots understanding helpful folks who care. And some of us really do know how much it meens to you. Because it ment so much to us when we found this place and someone took the time and cared . Heck I still come to neurotalk just because people care. Sorry that nurse was unprofessional . Stay strong and dont give up. Gentle hugs. PEACE. BMW

Dear Cheryl
My name is Eva
It's been a blessing to have
found this place while doing homework
on my issues at the time
There is so much I want to say to you
First coming here as I am truthful in what I am
about to express
There are a number of doctors on my
what I refer to as the Eva train
At the moment my pain specialist is driving my train
Second if I may
Start a log on what is happening with you everyday
May it be a calendar a diary or even the old school
marble books
LOG EVERYTHING
MY ELDEST CHILD SUFFERED HER FIRST SEIZURE
IN 2003 GRAND MAUL TO BOOT
it's been a long road with that baby
I call all my kids my babies
And you are right
Despite the troubles that engulf this family
I have four children
And raising my four year old granddaughter
As how the heck I make it
Yes
By the Grace of my Father
And the people HERE
what better way to get information
from us who have
experiences strengths and hopes
I have a shrink
It's been a good number of years I'm with him
only to find after I lost my municipal job and insurance
Things changed when I became a SSD recipient
Point my time with him was not for me anymore
What I mean to say
Like I a fellowship I am involved in AA
in it I found people I had something in common with
and I wanted what they had a life without a drink
AND SO MUCH MORE OF THE GOOD STUF HAPPENS
NOW HERE AT NURO TALK
like my fellowship
Looking for answers on my botched
Two level cervical fusion
And since then had both breasts removed
Cancer in my right breast
I am involved in many forums
As they apply
If I may ask
Did you notice you mood
to have changed for the worse
CYMBALTA, LYRICA, EFFXOR, AMTRIPTALINE
And the killer that took me to the dark side
WAS LEXAPRO
You know what I'm talking about
this is just to name a few
All for the hope of relief from peripheral neuropathy
making my life a living hell in addition to
the botched surgery twice
And while I these Meds I noticed my mental
changes coming off of them messed my head up
S U I S I D E
you understand
I married young and divorced young
Having three children from my only marriage
And my angel seventeen years later
My four babies
In their mid to younger thirties
Back to point
My epileptic child never was hurt (brain)
Her problems with severe migraines started in high
school
The headache would reach a point she would seize
Long story
Be vigilant
Go to
Eye doctors
ENT doctor
Dentist you could let's just say hypothetically you may
may be grinding your teeth

Now my experience with the above mention of med
we tried for my hands and feet would put me into
suicidal thoughts horrible black hole
I am still in a terrible place with my depression on its own
Not to mention the Meds could have pushed me over the
edge
And because of this loving understanding place where I was
not the only one in this killer of a funk
Because you mentioned CYMBALTA a red flag for me

Now I have mechanical pain that my opiates cover to a point
The other problems are all nerves related
and my body rejects all

It took a long time to figure out how much of what I
should take for the other stuff

In closing as I want to go on and on
YOU HAVE NO CHOICE OR OPTION
YOU SAY YOU LOVE YOUR CHILDREN
SO THEREFORE YOU WILL NOT KILL YOURSELF
YOU, WE are needed and are responsible for the pain
WE inflict on others
My father committed suicide when I was nineteen
Oldest of three girls
So please stick around
You are needed
And I certainly need you
Do not be afraid your not alone
Love
Me

Dear Eva,
I've read many of your posts since joining this site. I love how you express yourself with poetry. So lyrical and thought provoking. Thank you for sharing yourself in that way.

I've had mood problems (some small, some huge) with every new drug I tried. Topamax was the worst. I kept having these little panic attacks at work that I had forgotten something important. I had to keep checking to make sure I was wearing shoes, panties and my bra. I remember looking out the window at my car and just wanting to go home and lay down in the bed where my brother died. I nursed him through lung cancer and he died in my guest room exactly 4 years ago today.

I have a list with seven names that I carry around with me so I can pull it out and read it when I need to.

I am truly sorry for everything you've gone through. I know that my problems are tiny compared with what others' are suffering and I sometimes hate myself for not handling myself better.

You deserve the highest honor in the land for caring for your granddaughter. I'm so sorry that your father left you at such a young age. I'm 56 and still NEED my parents. I'm so lucky they're both still around.

I love the thought of an "Eva Train." I hope it chuggs you through a peaceful low pain day. Take care, Cheryl

For understanding my love of and for family
Maybe one day things will be peaceful in family
life
To have lost your brother
And to experience a loss of a sibling
I'm sorry
Both my sisters need me
and always turn to me
In your loss
May you remember
Only the good times
You are needed and wanted
And never be pushed about
Make yourself heard
Nicely said burntmarshmallow
And some
You take care
And be well
Love
Me

Dear Cheryl,

Your problems are not small compared to others - we do not compare here - they engulf your life and, as such, are as important to us as they are to you.

In 2012 I was at my Darkest place and told my caring GP I was at the point of ending it. Understand I have enough meds in my house to take down an elephant and I did not, at that time, share any of my problems. I still do not know why I reached out.

Within 4 days I was in Counselling and it got me through that chapter. THAT is the caring response you should be receiving from your Doctor and the Team. Anything less than that is negligence towards one calling out for help.

Please follow BMW's advice, even make an appointment to see your GP specifically for this matter.

In the mean time, do come here and Post. We are not Professionals but we have all lived it.

I am very sorry about the loss of your brother, being a double Cancer survivor I know what a devastating disease it is.

Dave.

Eva,
As you relate the need for others to "stick around"; you have have given all the reasons you are so needed. We all need you too. It is good advice you give "Do not be afraid your not alone".



Gerry

Cheryl,
Please don't feel your problems are tiny compared to others; we all have our "max" time no matter what our issues are or others. The hardest thing many of us have is not being able to love ourselves. You have done and given much of yourself. You are loved.


Gerry

I just wanted to check in and say hi. Your words have helped me so much this week. Your kindness means the world to me.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
Cheryl

Cheryl, I went thru a hip replacement in 2010 and it's been an almost 5 yr nightmare mess of complications from this surgery.....complications I never dreamed I'd be dealing with...went into the surgery optimistic and now dealing with the mess. There are days probably in the last year when I didn't want to be here and how would I go.....but for some reason things have changed lately. I'm trying to think if it's a new supplement or the magnetic knee support that is helping me more.... but I don't want to be propped up or wheeled around by anyone when I get much older. I see these cases and I say, not what I want. OA joints are not improvng and the thought of anymore surgery is out my thoughts. Take care.