Hi Cheryl
When I was deep in the pain process, in fact beginning to emerge from it, and trying hard to resume career but experiencing loss and failure I slipped in to the severe depression at grave risk of self harm. My family was scared terribly and knew not what to do.

My lawyer helping me on work comp and SSDI was deeply concerned. He had my wife get me in front of my Pain Doc that very day. Doc got me right in to a psych therapist AND prescribed psych meds to begin the process of caring for me through the crisis.

Meds and therapy DID help me through the terrible time. The acute depression did pass. Life and family were preserved.

I am in a far better emotional place now. Not being treated with the psych meds any longer. I remember extremely well those horrible feelings of wanting to slip into the deep pit from which no one emerges. This being said, I am SO glad to be living on the other side of being at risk of harm.

Praying for you that you are able soon to get all of the care you need,
And giving hugs
M56

Hi Cheryl,

You have such hope and kind, encouraging words for others. It is a beautiful thing. I hope that you are extending that same kindness to yourself by demanding the competent care that you deserve, not giving yourself a hard time for having a hard time and finding some way to pamper yourself every day.

I went through a dark, dark time after my third surgery and felt like checking out despite a deep faith, loving husband and (believe it or not) a great teenager I still adore. It was the care of a well trained therapist that got me through it. I waited too long to get help with the depression that accompanied my pain thinking I would pull out of it. There is no substitute for a professional versed in chronic illness and pain. Mine did hypnosis and EMDR and both were quite helpful.

It is worth taking a look at your meds. Even if suicidal ideation or depression is a rare side effect it may be affecting you adversely. Cymbalta can contribute to those feelings. I had to go off neurontin for that reason. A drug that destroys your mood is not worth whatever benefit it brings when there are options without that side effect. I do better on nortriptyline, everyone is different, keep trying as long as you need to. It is not a failure.

I hope that you are finding more light in your days. There is hope and as M56 says, it is good to be on the other side. We are all rooting for you and sending thoughts of healing and peace.

Hi Cheryl,

I hope life gets easier for you each and every day.

I, too, had wondered if you are/were experiencing med side-effects, exacerbating a sense of depression and anxiety. I have had many very strong, and very odd, med reactions. Doctors are not always very helpful and/or insightful when it comes to unexpected med reactions.

As for mood-altering meds, anything can happen. I am glad Littlepaw had mentioned medications.

I am very sorry for the loss of your brother.
I had lost another one of one of my brothers 12 years ago now. We were always so very close, ever since we were children. As adults, we'd called each other every day. It often seems like he passed on just last week, I miss him so.

Many people tell me I have not been the same since his passing. Like you, I was doing all I could to help my brother. I was also his health care proxy and had to sign the paperwork to take him off of life support. I am sure we each/both wish we could have saved our brothers from suffering and from passing on.

I am just now getting over deep grieving for the loss of my brother. It has taken a lot of time.

Chronic pain is often just "too much."
It gets worse with additional stress, grief and other challenges.

You show a gentle spirit.
Please allow yourself lots of self-compassion during your most challenging periods.

To Our Healing,
DejaVu

DejaVu,
I'm so sorry to hear about your brother. That must have been very hard for you. We're both lucky to have experienced that special bond with our brothers. It's hard to say good-bye. Thanks for sharing your story with me.
Cheryl

I truly appreciate all of you who have given me encouragement and shared your personal stories with me. You all understand what I'm going through because you've all been there. I hope every one of you is in a good place right now and if you ever need some extra encouragement or support, I'll be there to cheer you on. Kindness is the greatest gift of all and I am blessed to have received it from all of you.