I'm having a tough time lately and I need a place to vent, so thanks to all of you for giving me a safe place to express my feelings. Two months ago, I woke up in the middle of the night with a terrible headache. It was so horrible that I wanted to kill myself, but I was throwing up so bad that taking pills was out and my head hurt so bad that I couldn't think of any other good ways to do it.

The whole episode scared the crap out of me. I went to my neurologist who did a lot of tests which all came back negative. His only solution was to refer me to a headache specialist with a 7-month wait for an appointment. I told him, "I don't think I can live like this much longer," but he ignored that statement and sent me on my way. I later called and asked to switch to another neurologist in his practice. The new guy I requested refused to see me and my neurologist dropped me as a patient.

There's been something wrong with me ever since. My mood is all over the place. I'm sad, angry, frustrated, and every little thing hurts my feelings. I have thoughts of suicide every day. I've tried to talk to my husband, but he doesn't respond. We finally had a good conversation about 10 days ago and I was very open with him about the way I've been feeling. We've been married for 31 years.

After that one conversation, he never once asked me how I was feeling or if things were getting better for me (they're not). Today, I asked him about that and he said that if I wanted to kill myself there was nothing he could do to stop me. Wow, I was really hurt, but I talked to him calmly and he finally asked me what I wanted from him. I told him I needed
someone to talk to,
to feel like someone cared,
to feel loved.
His reply? "I'll take you to any doctor any time you want to go, but I couldn't possibly understand what you're going through."

I don't understand it either. Was I traumatized by the headache combined with thoughts of suicide? Could the headache have caused minor brain trauma that affected my mood? I've lived with chronic pain and depression for three years. I'm taking Cymbalta. This is different. I don't know what this is. It's terrible. I hope I can find someone to help me soon.

Thanks for letting me share my story.