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Suicidal thoughts always there in the back of my head

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Old 09-04-2015, 11:58 AM   #21
Littlepaw
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Hi Sam,

You doing okay out there? I am late to the conversation but you have been in my thoughts and my heart. You are brave and courageous and I just know you are going to find a way that works for you to share with your family how much you are suffering right now. There are so many excellent suggestions here that I can't possibly add another. But I do have an interesting TEDtalk video to post about a game designer with PCS and suicidal feelings and how she overcame it. There is hope. Please take care of yourself and know that you are Loved.

www.ted.com/talks/jane_mcgonigal_the_game_that_can_give_you_10_extra _years_of_life?language=en

PS - I am wondering if you have a source of spiritual support? One of the things that got me through my darkest times with pain and illness was praying and allowing myself to feel God's presence in my life. Sometimes when we are buried in fear and despair we tend to forget someone is always there for us...

Sending healing love,
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Last edited by Littlepaw; 09-04-2015 at 05:34 PM.
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Old 09-06-2015, 03:07 PM   #22
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Hi Sam

One of the hardest things to do in life is tell someone close to you and are emotional attached, is your inner thoughts and feelings.

Your own emotions become overwhelming causing you to pause, hesitate and literally freeze making it impossible to talk about your issues.

Others have already said write your feelings down on Paper. Two great reasons for this
1. If its on paper its no longer in your head.
2. In time if you re-read it you can measure your progression with life.

If you do write down your thoughts, distribute your notes in a way that grabs peoples attention. Leave a note in mums handbag on. dads car seat .... in the fridge., the oven, on the kettlle...anywhere it will be picked up.

That moment will stop the reader in their tracks..you then have captive audience...so use this moment wisely...describe your feelings, express your fears, reach out for the offer of help and support...

Loved ones don't mean to walk aimlessly past your life ...acting uninterested or oblivious to your plight.......they are just unfamiliar with the concept that their kin wouldn,t
just ask for help.

Family life is wonder full, but we often take are eye off, what stares us in the face...a gentle subtle prompt is often required to refouccus our connection, and if that does not happen....not everyone can read the cues.


I wish you the best....
TAKE TIME TO TALK.......
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Old 09-06-2015, 03:24 PM   #23
Alffe
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I have missed your wisdom dear man. Great advice, as always.
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Old 09-08-2015, 10:28 AM   #24
SamG11
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Hi again everyone,




Just to keep you guys updated, still doing the same. I'm going to a new doctor today, who was paralyzed from the waste down in a scuba diving accident, and was able to walk again using acu- pressure and crossinology.


I'm 15, so I barely understand what this guy does, but he is brilliant, and is a medical doctor and has studied neurology. Apparently everyone who goes to him gets the answers they need with any medical issue that they have.



Praying he can find out whats wrong with me. And get me the help I need.
I've had blood tests, mri scans of my brain, and everything you can think of. Every doctor I go to says I'm normal. But I'm not.
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Old 09-08-2015, 01:45 PM   #25
eva5667faliure
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SamG11 View Post
Hi again everyone,




Just to keep you guys updated, still doing the same. I'm going to a new doctor today, who was paralyzed from the waste down in a scuba diving accident, and was able to walk again using acu- pressure and crossinology.


I'm 15, so I barely understand what this guy does, but he is brilliant, and is a medical doctor and has studied neurology. Apparently everyone who goes to him gets the answers they need with any medical issue that they have.



Praying he can find out whats wrong with me. And get me the help I need.
I've had blood tests, mri scans of my brain, and everything you can think of. Every doctor I go to says I'm normal. But I'm not.
dear Sam
brave young man you Are
this is even more reason
WHY you must be heard
to make someone
anyone
it must be
you cannot give into this terrible
experience you are going through
you are also at an age when many
physical but more importantly
mentally as your hormones are
taking over your body and mind
believe it or not
you may want to do a little
homework on the subject
yours might be working
differently than the normal
balance we need
you will be very surprised to learn
how hormones not working correctly
can throw a person into depression
you keep coming
but do not stop looking
for that one someone
i had it tough as a kid
and isolated
it came out in later years
and i had to deal with it
i truly turned to God
and made a deal with him
you are stronger than you
know
i have Faith in You
love
me
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someone who cares
eva
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Old 09-08-2015, 02:16 PM   #26
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Everyone has their fingers crossed for you Sam...

Good luck!
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Old 09-08-2015, 05:23 PM   #27
SamG11
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Crying very hard right now,


Doctors visit went semi well. He still thinks I have an issue with my
Thyroid which can be causing this dream fealing, which is great.. But the only problem is... That he needs to find the right person to take the thyroid hormone test for me.



A standard blood test won't show this thyroid issue. Cause it has to do with my iodine levels he said.



So you just be saying, this is great Sam! All you have to do is wait for the test, if it comes back that you have a problem, you can treat it!


However, school starts tomorrow. And I'm EXTERMELY terrified. To start school again with this awful feeling. I BARELY made it by last year.
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Old 09-08-2015, 05:44 PM   #28
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Hey Sam, I'm sorry you feel terrified about going back tomorrow. I figured you would and that's totally understandable considering how you've been feeling and that you've been away on break for a while and not doing well during that time.

There's probably nothing I can say to make it any easier for you, but do try to remember though that you have a plan of sorts in place and you can go to the school nurse if it all becomes too overwhelming. If you can keep busy today/tonight as much as possible so that you're not overthinking about tomorrow then that may help a little.

You're not alone in facing tomorrow. It's not a brick wall even though it might feel that way now. It's actually a flexible environment you are going back to and the school is there to help you.

You have your family and the school personnel who are aware of what has been happening for you. It may be really helpful if you could contact one or more of your friends and maybe travel to school with them. All those people are all there to support you in this transition back to school. Even though you don't feel that way now, you can get through this tomorrow.

It will be busy and it will be noisy. All of those things you fear. However, if you find yourself feeling overwhelmed then you go to the nurse's office as planned.

What concerns me the most is that I get the feeling that you seem to think of yourself as facing this alone and you really are not alone Sam. This is not something you have to do alone. You have the support behind you and that can get you through. You may find it really difficult, but you can do it despite that.

thinking of you
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Old 09-08-2015, 07:48 PM   #29
SamG11
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Thanks so much Lara. And to everyone here for me. I guess I'm going to just have to face this challenge this week. Still terrifying, going to a new school when you feel like your on drugs..


But I'll keep you guys posted on how it goes . I truely appreciate you all being here for me to talk to.



As for my symptom..


The doctor I went to today contacted another doctor to give me a special iodine loading test I think it's called. I think I pee in a cup instead of blood work. My previous doctor gave me the wrong tests, and my problem wouldn't show on it. My mom will call the office in the morning to schedule toe test. Hopefully it will be in a couple days.



But here I am again. "Hoping" that it will all work out. Across this journey, I've always faced anxiously awaiting what's coming next.. Something good or something bad.. In this case, either I take the test and I can get on medication to fix my thyroid and I will feel better, or nothing shows.


Once again.. All I can do is "Hope" right?
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Old 09-08-2015, 09:35 PM   #30
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Hi Sam,

I am glad your doctor has an idea which may prove helpful to you!
Please keep us posted on this.

Sam, you are being asked to learn some of life's lessons a bit earlier than most. Holding onto "Hope" is important to adjusting to life's many twists and turns. It's an important coping skill in life.

Please know we all care!

I know I will be thinking of you all day tomorrow and will be offering support through healing thoughts, positive energy and prayer. I have "Sam" written in on my calendar as a priority for the day.

I hope you will rest peacefully tonight.


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