[Jomar]

soft warm hugs for all of you ....

[bizi]

bizi

[Lara]

"I've started rereading a wonderful book by Anne Lamott. It's called "Grace (Eventually) Thoughts on Faith" and she makes me feel like less of a failure, less of a phony"



Well...

alffe, I know you might feel that you're a bit of a failure and a bit of a phony 'cause you said it, but deep inside you know you're not. At times you feel like a total failure not just a bit of a failure and it sounds as if that time is now. Sadly we're all so darn hard on ourselves sometimes. I guess it's human nature to load it all up on our own shoulders when that weight should really be shared.

We all know you're not a failure or a phony. I can understand why you're so hard on yourself sometimes, but it's warped thinking alffe. Your self perception is being guided by what others might have said or done in the past and of events that have happened in the past and are happening now and recently. I hope I'm not coming across in a nasty way by being blunt about it being warped thinking, but if you think back at other times when you were feeling a bit like this, were you overwhelmed then as well that you were a failure and a phony? It sounds as if it's something that you have learned over time... to beat yourself up for everything because you can't darn well solve it. We're used to being able to solve it all as women and mothers, but we just can't fix some things. Heck, don't I know it.

You are not a failure. You are not a phoney!

Edited to add: I felt I should perhaps clarify what I mean by "warped thinking". I don't mean weird or strange. I mean like a tree trunk that's bent or warped by the weight of living and of growing and by grief and loss particularly. I know far too much about warped thinking and how the mind works its little nasty tricks. Remember what Pter said about how our mind plays tricks on us... well that's how I see it too. I had more to say but now my mind has gone blank. darn it.

OK, I needed a kick start.
This is the beginning of the paragraphs posted above from Pter. "Our minds are quite manipulative particularly when cultivated by fear." I think about how OCD works its little path through people's lives when I read that too. There's a book called "The Imp of the Mind" and I love that title because even if one doesn't have OC tendencies, there is still that little imp in there that changes our way of thinking especially when we're afraid.

Heck now I've maybe said too much.

again

[Alffe]

I appreciated your call Biz...nice to know that I am not totally off the wall.

I learned something new at lunch today. Right after Michael died, Mr.Alffe discussed getting therapy with his good friend who is/was a counselor and he told him. "Don't demean it. It is, what it is and nothing will change it."

So I looked up the word demean and it said "to lower it in dignity or standing".

Dignity????? Standing?? as in Michael was making a statement??
I don't understand how he could have said that...I just don't get it!

Ok...I am as tired of talking about me as you all must be of hearing it!!

Hugs for the room...I'm taking a break.

[Doody]

Tired of listening to YOU!? Oh contrare my dear.

[Curious]

we are supposed to talk about our feeling?



many hugs from your monkey buddy. sorry i haven't been around. only have a few more days until the house is auctioned. still don't know where we are going. maybe an ark? texas is flooding. raining bad right now again.

i will keep in touch by email to y'all. if you don't have my addy, pm me...or pass it around. some of you have my phone number. but rest assured...no matter what...i'll only be gone from here for a few days. the library has free internet.

[Curious]

Originally Posted by Alffe

I appreciated your call Biz...nice to know that I am not totally off the wall.

I learned something new at lunch today. Right after Michael died, Mr.Alffe discussed getting therapy with his good friend who is/was a counselor and he told him. "Don't demean it. It is, what it is and nothing will change it."

So I looked up the word demean and it said "to lower it in dignity or standing".

Dignity????? Standing?? as in Michael was making a statement??
I don't understand how he could have said that...I just don't get it!

Ok...I am as tired of talking about me as you all must be of hearing it!!

Hugs for the room...I'm taking a break.

without knowing the guy...i can't say for sure what he meant.

michaels suicide was an impulsive action.

maybe he meant that michaels pain at that very moment was so great....that no matter what is said...no matter how hard everyone would try and make sense of it...( and i know you can't) would demean michaels life. his death is also part of his life. part of the whole package.

my brain is foggy dear alffe. i can't tell if i am getting across what i mean.

[Wren]

Love to Curious and same to Al

[BJ]

Goodness this has turned out all wrong. This isn't what I thought would happen.

I'm so sorry for all the pain that I've caused you all.

Good job BJ

[CoolAngel26]

I thought I'd contribute a few hugs.Sorry,I haven't been around,just haven't logged on much lately.I'm okay though..CoolAngel26