I re read my answers. Whenever I am in a hurry to answer I forget the edit button. I will try to keep my defensiveness a little bit better checked. Can I use your name and you could sign on as "hope". I have been in psychological therapy for 34 years and have seen no benefit above what I could do myself. I don't think it is the way to go now. Also, I have a college degree in psych/sociology but that did not help either.

crying my eyes out because I lost my husband on Aug 30th......he always said he would not be around long and at 58 he wasn't...but you know what ? He really, really wanted to be here the last 3 months he was alive....after his surgery he wanted to live and be here.

Our life wasn't always great.....I just, JUST learned how much this man loved me after 35 years of marriage and now he's gone....gone. To never come back.

If your attitude with your family is anything like it is on here than you probably need to find whatever love you feel for them and let them know it....now....before it is too late. Don't do that to them......what seems fair to you sure isn't fair to them I can assure you.

Back to my Seagram's now.

Debi

I am so sorry for your loss Debi.

Dancinglady,

As stated, in Oregon and Washington State 2 independent Doctors must diagnose a Terminal Illness with a prognosis of less than 6 months to live. If this is the case with you, I apologise and I feel for you.

In Montana, all cases are scrutinised and Doctors are still open to prosecution. As you are still able to be a functioning member of Society - Working - I doubt any Doctors could be found who would risk their Licenses and Freedom.

Touching on that, you are still able to work, you have colleagues you interact with, possibly others, so you impact on people's lives in a fundamental way. That is a Blessing you should count every day. You can make a positive difference to your own, and other people's lives.

Dave.

Isn't this suppose to be the place we can talk about our suicidal thoughts and feelings. Why all the guilt getting thrown into me.

Debi I am sorry you lost your husband. I never got 35 years with mine. I am sorry that for the last 3 months he wanted to be here. I worked in an ER so I have known many people in your husbands and your case.

We are both in the grieving stage just for different reasons. First I was an only child so all of my relatives are dead!!! My job is a quality control and enforcement. I impact people they don't want to see us coming. I am working with twenty years olds that would very much like all the older workers to get out of there. The faster we leave the better they would like it.

I'm not trying to guilt you into anything. I'm trying to show you the Light.

And yes this is the place to share suicidal thoughts and feelings but you seem to be acting upon those suicidal thoughts and that is where we come in.

If you will read any other threads on here that are similar to yours then you will see all these same people reaching out to that person.

I am so sorry you didn't have as many years with your husband or loved ones. But you have come to a community here that is a Family in every sense of that word. I have become so close to someone on here in less than a year that I plan on visiting her next year. How awesome is that ?

And I get the job.....for 26 years I worked in the quality and administrative claims dept for a carpet company. A dept I started all on my own because I had one manager that believed in me. When I left that dept had 9 people working in it. Talk about people that don't want to see you coming.....I got you on that and totally understand. I was laid off after 26 successful years because I'm a woman and I made too much money. The beloved owner of this very large carpet company died about 2 years prior to that and the 'young' ones came in to take over. Not family mind you and they didn't give a darn....just make more money. I lost a family when I left that place. I could have stayed in touch but I didn't.....they all showed up at my husband's visitation and funeral. Shocked I was and very humbled by their kindness after I'd shoved them away in Sept 2012.

So thank you for opening up a bit. That's all any of us want is to get to know you. You reach out and we reach back

Please keep posting and I'll keep reading.

Debi from Georgia

Dancinglady,

I worked in Quality Management for a top Electronic Shielding Company and yes, it is not a popular job. But I went home every day knowing that, because of me, my clients, top Aerospace and Electronic Groups, were getting the best and my Company was expanding on the back of increased orders. I got flak from everyone from Sales to Supplies as I was seen to be working against the Company's individual employees when I picked up on mistakes and threw the book at people. Yet, due to Accreditation and Regulations, everyone knew, at the end of the day, that I was doing good.

No-one is trying to lay guilt on you. When one talks openly on a Forum about suicidal thoughts those of us who care, and who have been there, or have experienced the pain of loss, naturally will Post the opposite view. In 2012 my pain and Depression (I have Depressive Personality Disorder) were so bad I actually reached out to my Dr for help as I feared for my own safety. I have enough meds in my posession to take down an elephant. This is not like me, I am an Introvert, I share nothing (until I came here), but I went into Counselling.

This got me through the worst until my Therapist abandoned me due to not being able to cope with my Cancer dx. However, that same time I got the word that my Granddaughter was going to be born which gave me a whole new reason to continue.

Had I been a Member then, I know I would have received better support here than in Therapy. I did not want to end my life, I saw few options or reasons to continue. Yet I talked, difficult as it was, I found self-worth. I strongly believe this is what you need to do.

Dave.

You can share your feelings here, but it doesn't mean members agree or support suicide.
Most post here for support to avoid suicide and suicidal feelings, and to work though the rough times..

I am sorry but I do not perceive the postings made in the same manner as you seem to do. I do not see people throwing "guilt" onto you. Could your perception be skewed?

The only thing I have seen are people reaching out to you, trying to offer help, trying to throw you a LIFE LINE, NOT guilt. People trying to allow you to see a brighter side. People trying to get you out of the dark hole that I feel you have fallen into.

We all experience moments (or longer) when we wallow in self-pity. We have good reasons for our self-indulgence into that state of mind.

People are trying to pull you from that frame of mind into one where life really can be enjoyed no matter what our afflictions, our tragedies, our history, our prognosis.

From the information I have gleaned from your posts, your physical ailments do not appear to pose a disastrous, never ending, painful prognosis. I can not address your psychological issues and prognosis, but from your listing of physical conditions, there is MUCH hope for recovery.

It is up to YOU, if you want to continue to wallow in self-pity or take control and improve your situation. From what I have read to date, there is much within YOUR control. The question is whether you want to take that control or not.

I REALLY do wish that you would make a choice to take control of your life and make it the best you can. You DO have that power.

Your lack of recognition at work, from your children, from outside sources is not what matters. YOU are what matters. YOU have to be your own best friend. The physical ailments you have mentioned can be managed. You need to work on your mental state if you want to find happiness. It is out there, you just need to want it and work toward obtaining it.

This is NOT to make you feel guilty but to tell you there IS HOPE.

Unless I missed the boat or you have not disclosed other physical ailments, you are NOT doomed to a life of pain and suffering.

Life IS HARD. Some are dealt really bad hands. As I said in a previous post, I am not going to attempt to go head to head on a tragedy contest with you. I am a very private person and very few know the life I have had and my tragedies. AND, I do not pretend to know yours. It is NOT a contest of who has had the worst life experiences.

There will always be someone much better off than you and also much worse. BUT, no matter where we may fall on the spectrum of suffering and bad hands in life, it matters more what we do with the hand we are dealt.

I am sorry for your suffering and have offered everything I can think of to try to assist you toward having hope and a better existence.

I am sorry if you do not like what I had to say in this post but I ask that you at least "think" about it. Please try not to read it with negativity. It is meant to be a positive message, a message of hope, a chance to think that there may be something to seeking self-worth and not being influenced by sources outside of yourself.

I want so much for you to have happiness and that IS within your capability.

Thank you for reading my post and I hope you will think about some of what I have expressed. It is from my heart.

your mindfulness
no price could match
the care you show
it is in sharing
and true to thyself
and situation at hand
we are human
and your humanitarian instinct
at its best
we need each other
and need to be open to responses
bottom line
we must give everything our all
and the rest will follow
with the strength of this community
love
me