[eva5667faliure]

It is thirty six years today my father killed himself
in or second family ford white station wagon

Wondering what is up in the afterlife

Wondering if any regrets

Wondering if he knows I am not okay with what he stole from me
when I was a little girl

Wondering what my mother is thinking

Wondering g if my sisters are alright today

Wondering why it had to happen around the block from our home

Wondering if my uncle is thinking of him and him not taking it seriously because he cried wolf so many times

Wondering if he felt I was ready to confront him with what he did to me

Wondering how a parent can look at their children
CHILDREN and abuse them and strip me of my
natural process to womanhood

Wonder what happened to him to have become that monster

Wonder why my mother turned her head the other way

Wonder why my mother still wants a relationship with me in
secret

Wondering what ever happened to the note

Wondering if she kept it

Wondering what was going through his mind

Wondering what he looked like when he was found by municipal
workers collecting garbage

Wondering what is going on with my boy
He cut his ties with me
Have no clue why
But was born on this day
His birthday

Wondering how things got to where they are now

Wonder if he know I am done trying to keep us together as a family

Wondering if to much time goes by
If I will want them to even bother
One just gets used to the way it is
I have no control over him
Never did

Wonder if my lineage will die out

Wonder if I can hang on long enough to
see things work out with everyone

Wondering if I will ever experience
Love
For a partner in my life in the end
to be happy with

Wondering if my father regrets any of it

Wondering what devestation has come to this family
Over and over and over again

Wondering if I will ever meet him again

Still wonder
Why

[Alffe]

I wonder if I can leave eva a hug... Some anniversary dates are the pitts!

[OhKay]

Wondering if anyone would mind if I can respond without all the "wondering"?

I often wonder how my family members are doing or what they are thinking of on the anniversaries of family members' deaths or on their birthdays. These occasions stir up memories- good and bad. A suicide is much worse. One reason is the lack of closure, and you have many unresolved issues with your father

I can't imagine how it must feel to have to live with the conflicted feelings you must have about your father and his suicide… even after 36 years. I understand your mother had a difficult life, but it must be so hard to make peace with the decisions she made and have any kind of relationship with her

I am thinking of you, and hoping you are doing okay dealing with the memories surrounding this life event

I'm so sorry that you're still struggling with issues with your children. I don't know the specifics, or the extent of the problems, but it seems to me like you love them and really want them to be part of your life. You can close the door part way because their behavior right now is hurtful and you need to protect yourself, but leave it open a crack so they have an opening to get back in when the timing is right

I wonder if you realize you are still young Eva…
I wonder if you know there is still time for change

I wonder if you know I am hoping for good things for you because you are due

[eva5667faliure]

Originally Posted by OhKay

Wondering if anyone would mind if I can respond without all the "wondering"?

I often wonder how my family members are doing or what they are thinking of on the anniversaries of family members' deaths or on their birthdays. These occasions stir up memories- good and bad. A suicide is much worse. One reason is the lack of closure, and you have many unresolved issues with your father

I can't imagine how it must feel to have to live with the conflicted feelings you must have about your father and his suicide… even after 36 years. I understand your mother had a difficult life, but it must be so hard to make peace with the decisions she made and have any kind of relationship with her

I am thinking of you, and hoping you are doing okay dealing with the memories surrounding this life event

I'm so sorry that you're still struggling with issues with your children. I don't know the specifics, or the extent of the problems, but it seems to me like you love them and really want them to be part of your life. You can close the door part way because their behavior right now is hurtful and you need to protect yourself, but leave it open a crack so they have an opening to get back in when the timing is right

I wonder if you realize you are still young Eva…
I wonder if you know there is still time for change

I wonder if you know I am hoping for good things for you because you are due

It so wonderful to not feel alone in this time of growth sadness and defiantly change
I pray only for the better
I am wiser and as hard as it is
I have begun to put my foot down
No more pooping on me
Thank you for the comforting words
They did the job
Yesterday was my eighteen year olds birthday
Spent in her chosen place not to hear from her
It hurt
It really really hurt
I do love them way overboard
Just do
Love
Me

[eva5667faliure]

To wonder as I do every single day
Are or rather is my family doing well
To wonder if your children are happy
To wonder if they still blame me and God for their unhappiness
Not something I can stop my brain from wondering
What my children are exhibiting are many symptoms
of the MTHFR MUTATION
wonder why my son stopped his meds
Bi-polar from me
Me
And to let them know
and not do anything about it
Is then on them
How much more can I do
I told them
I am the one for certain can and till now
those tested are positive
So many things going on under this particular umbrella
Labeled MTHFR MUTATION
WONDER what Eva's mother has to say about her knowing she is positive and addict so many of her symptoms answered
and just got off the phone with trying to express what her sister is wondering when I told her
Wonder about this you have occipital lobe epilepsy
Chances you are positive
And ponder on this
Your doctor should wonder real seriously about finding out if she to is positive
And not God
Wonder what my youngest is doing
If she is wondering about us
and how much I miss her and wish she would change
and come back home
My child's father knows about her getting high
Wonder what he is thinking
He told me his opinion about my parenting
Only she is worse off in the current situation
So many lies that are being shared
And hurting each other doing it
Do they not wonder
Something is REALLY wrong
So wondered
Rather then help them see the
Unappreciative response and behavior
my children put upon me in their thirties now
And still blame me
Now because it isn't recognized
I ask the question
"What haven't I done for all of you guy's"
Silence
Not a thing to speak of
But to wonder if my youngest is still in the hospital
And not call me
Or my children not call me
Isn't okay
They will never know a mothers worry
And she nor my son are parents
I am gifted from my third child
Wondering when she too will take care of herself
She is returning back to waitressing
And not pursue her phlebotomist license
This I cannot stop wondering about
Or to use her culinary degree
Wondering
Left here sad
Wondering
Wondering if Heavenly Father touch my sister
She helped me so much
She loves me
My baby sister
Wondering
Me

[Alffe]

l wonder why I can't just talk on this pad like I do on my phone

I wonder if Eva knows that I thought about her on Mothers day said a quiet prayer that her children would show her a little love.

I wonder that I have galloping poison ivy

I wonder what the realtor will tell us tomorrow about selling this old house now that she has researched it for a week.

I wonder about the tragic suicide death of our daughter friend and the heartbreaking honesty in her obituary. .

l wonder if I can leave hugs for the room

[OhKay]

I wonder if Eva knows if she is in my thoughts

I wonder if Alffe's poison ivy will get better soon?

I wonder if Alffe knows how sad I feel for her friends' loss, while still feeling conflicted about hearing there was "heartbreaking honesty" in the obituary