[befuddled2]

I am really disappointed in my sister that lives across country from me. I usually call her every day and have not called her in 5 days. She has not called me to check on me or anything. I was somewhat depressed the last I talked to her too about being so isolated. I don't know what I was trying to prove other than people could care less if they heard from me or not or else they would call me. And it also reinforces what my abusive husband would tell me over and over that no one wanted me to bother them. If someone doesn't have kids or grandkids it seems, they don't have anyone. I gave up having kids to care for my mom when she was living while my 2 brothers had their families. My whole family would gather at my house because it was the only wheelchair accessible one in the family for my mom and we had loads of fun. Funny thing, when my mom passed away, everything changed. Everyone stopped coming to my house and since I don't drive across town to their house due to PTSD the good times for me are over. If I do get to see one of my brothers who lives in town it's because I pay van fare to get to his house and back. Life seems so unfair at times.

befuddled2

[Curious]

hi hon.

you know...your sister might just be used to you calling her. she might not realize how you feel about her not making the calls.

some of us are givers. those around us get used to it and it never dawns on them...we need to be "given" to also. you sweet barbara....are big time giver from your heart.

just keep being the wonderful person we know and love. you aren't responsible on how others act.

[Wren]

Bless your very big heart, befuddled.
If you were MY sister or just my neighbor think of the fun WE would have and stuff we would have to talk about.
Like Chinese food?

[Alffe]

They don't know what they are missing Barbara...families can have a lot of fun together. Even as I type this there is a huge family reunion at one of the neighbors houses...loud music, even a bus parked on the cultisack (butchered that spelling.. ) and the smells from whatever they are cooking are making both Mr.Alffe and me hungry.

Any interest in planning a big carryin dinner for them...hosted by you? Throw some hot dogs on the grill for the kids (I love hot dogs) Just a suggestion, everybody likes a picnic.

I'm sorry you're feeling down....it is so hot here everyone is running through their sprinklers...including Cooper.

[BJ]

Barbara you can be my sister any day.

[Doody]

You can be my sister as well. I miss mine as she passed December 16, 1986.

I agree with what Monkey and Alffe said. Your sister may just be used to you calling her. My best friend actually reminds me just a little of you. If I don't call her, she gets upset. I'm used to it being me the one who has to make the phone call gesture, but that's okay. We've been best friends for 42 years so whaddaya gonna do.

And I love the idea of inviting your family over.

I'm sorry you're so down. I still think a good therapist could do you a world of good to help you gain back your bruised self-esteem.

[befuddled2]

Thanks everyone. I feel a lot better now after calling a friend of a friend of mine whom I met a few months back. Our mutual friend of ours lives out of state and was in town a few months back and all of us got together. I had gotten re-acquainted with our mutual friend through Classmates.com at the beginning of the year. Anyway, this friend of our mutual friend is interested in meeting me at the Elvis impersonator show tomorrow night if her Father Day duties don't keep her from it. She wants for me to call her tomorrow at 1:00 p.m. It made me feel good when she thanked me for inviting her. I start group therapy for abused woman next week and I am also looking forward to that.

befuddled2
P.S. I love Chineese food too. Seefood also.

[Lara]

I'm glad you're feeling a little better now. I know how it feels to be alone. I don't have any parents or sisters or brothers and since my divorce years ago I've been so busy concentrating on my children that I haven't been able to get out there and make new friends in a new place. I actually enjoy being alone as I'm not a person who gets lonely, but as I'm getting older, I realize that there just isn't anyone "there" for me when I need them. For me all this is sort of usual or natural as it's always been this way for me, but it would be very difficult to have had such a close knit family and suddenly since your Mother's death for all of that to have changed. I've seen that happen in families before. I think someone needs to make the effort to have scheduled gatherings, but that's just my thought. I have my children of course, but they live in their own heads most of the time and don't tend to think outside of that to worry that someone else might be alright or not. As curious said, maybe your sister is just used to you being the one to call her and hasn't even thought that she should be the one calling you. I don't know why people are like that but they are. Some people can "see" and think in a way that includes others and some people can't "see" so they don't think about others.

OK now I'm waffling on a bit. Just wanted to send my best wishes and hope you're feeling stronger.

[Doody]

That's AWESOME!!! Way to go and I hope you have a great time! And way to go on the group therapy! I hope it helps. I haven't ventured into group therapy and I am very impressed that you are.

[befuddled2]

Hi Lara,

I really think my sister doesn't call because she is busy with her children at home and her 2 grandaughters and just thinks she has no time to make a call. Like I've heard her say many times, she values time she can be alone since she is with people most of her waking hours. I suppose there is the opposite to being lonely, having too many people around all the time. It was a diffiult year when my mom passed in 2005 and putting up with the abuse at the same time with no one for support but online friends. I have come a long way since then and should be thankful.

Hugs to you Lara,
befuddled2