I have posted here before, months ago.

I'm bipolar I and I tried to commit s/s 12/23 last year after a 4mo period of mania. A lot was going on in my life, and I was psychotic at the time.

*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
**the following content below may possibly be triggering for some members.**







I swallowed 2 kinds of prescription pills I knew would disrupt my heart rhythm (nursing background), cut my wrists and throat in front of a mirror before I was stopped. I'm alive because I was too vain too wear my glasses and the fire/police/ambulance station were 2min away.

This last year has been hell. I've been hospitalized twice, have suffered terrible side effects of multiple meds, and have been hypomanic or manic for 8mo out of this year. I have fought back and my bipolar is stable now because I quit drinking and have been in very close contact with my psych doc.

But I've struggled on and off with violent imagery related to my s/s attempt since it happened. Sometimes it triggers panic attacks. But it's always extremely disturbing and makes me feel physically ill.
These thoughts usually coincide with me fixating on my neck and it has the same result.
I don't feel s/s when these things happen, but they contributed to my last manic episode.
My psych doc says it's PTSD.
I was wondering if anyone else has experienced this type of thing themselves?

The meds I've been on had been doing a good job of controlling this, but recently these images have been breaking through. An increase helped for a couple of days, and I'll be increasing again.

My OCD is not under control and I'm also having intrusive thoughts again.

I'm afraid I'm going to find myself in the psych ward for a 3rd time this year.

Kay