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Old 01-06-2016, 08:51 AM   #1
Alffe
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Default Not everything happens for a reason

http://brightside.me/article/not-eve...g-wrong-55105/


great article I stole from Bizi's home page on FB. Thanks!
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Old 01-06-2016, 10:18 AM   #2
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Thank you for that article Alffe, it was a good one

In general, I try to remember that it's in our nature to try to reassure one another during difficult times, but most people just don't know what to say during these uncomfortable situations so they say a lot of stupid ****.

"Some things in life cannot be fixed. They can only be carried." Great quote!

Acceptance is the final stage of the grieving process- people will get there in their own time and in their own way.
Empty platitudes do more harm than good sometimes. I know that in the past some well-meaning comments made to me about MS have left me with the impression that my suffering is trivial, and I've taken it to heart even though I know it's not true.
I've also endured a good deal of bullying… I've dealt with some of my family members pretty much shaming me for not having the same positive attitude about my MS as when I was first diagnosed… before it started taking things away. It's an ongoing disease process, so it's an ongoing grieving process as well. But it's something I mainly accept.
But as the gentleman in the article writes, even though you learn to accept adversity and grow, it can still harden you. I know it's hardened me.
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Old 01-06-2016, 12:46 PM   #3
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" But as the gentleman in the article writes, even though you learn to accept adversity and grow, it can still harden you. I know it's hardened me "
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Old 01-06-2016, 12:48 PM   #4
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OhKay, we lost a wonderful niece to MS so I'm familiar with your ongoing losses...hers was "galloping" ms and we lost her much too soon.

Acceptance takes as long as it takes...I struggled for years with Michaels poor choice before I was able to forgive him and leave the anger behind.
His son, a grown man now, refuses to talk about it and if I want to have him and his family in my life, I have to "obey" his rules. It breaks my heart because I could help him but he won't let me.

People cannot help you if they don't know how you feel. Talking is key.
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Old 01-06-2016, 12:49 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wren View Post
" But as the gentleman in the article writes, even though you learn to accept adversity and grow, it can still harden you. I know it's hardened me "

In many ways I think "hardening" can be a good thing....it made me less vulnerable.
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Old 01-09-2016, 08:05 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alffe View Post
In many ways I think "hardening" can be a good thing....it made me less vulnerable.
Sometimes we have to be hard to carry on. It changes us, but it can be a good thing as long as it doesn't harden our hearts.

I'm so sorry about the loss of your son and niece
I can't imagine the pain you went through when you lost your son...

I wish you could talk to your grandson about the loss of your son. It would benefit you both. But he grieves in his own way, and has chosen silence as his protective mechanism. His father's loss has hardened him, too.
I'm glad that you are able to have a relationship with your him even if that mean obeying his rules, and knowing that he won't accept the help he needs. It must be painful.
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Old 01-10-2016, 10:39 AM   #7
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Default Awesome read i too enjoyed it

Feel talk talk not pounding away at the subject
Having to deal with a note left behind
Just for turd and giggles
Blame to the very end
Asking for respect
What this man did
No child should have her natural process
into womenhood destroyed
And a mother who turned her head
And even now forgiving him
is with the only logical assessment
that my experience be
He was not well
A man who loved his mother
with such deep emotions
This is the story told to us
his depression always alive in our home
It dictated everything
All this I can say with no doubt at a very early age I at two
have memory
I had my tonsils taken out at two
My mother amazed I was describing many of what I remembered
Even the bubble of snot that just grew the harder I cried
watching her leave
I will never forget
I believe I have forgiven
He was an ill man
young man, young boy, even infancy
My point is this
We the injured
the victim who did not have a voice becaus I was a baby
little girl, young lady and womanhood with that wounded child
that never had a chance
There are so many of us out there
As I will soon be fifty five
A divorced young mother of four
A grandmother of one
A good person who has no control other than
myself and what comes out of my mouth
One thing for certain
There have been situations that have happened in MY life
Can only be explained by my faith that no other way could
the things that have happened is awesome chilling and no doubt
a presence of utter calm go through me is enough for this cookie

He dressed to the to kill
In his best suit
I was told by my forty six year old sister
who was nine years at the time
I had left my home by then
He leaves a note calling us
"Bitches"
What a female dog is called
This was the man I was suppose to fall in love with first
Never happened
Made mistakes in my choices in men
And recognized I had a job to do
RAISE MY CHILDREN
and I did
And in all my adversities I am who
I AM
LOVE
me
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Old 01-10-2016, 12:15 PM   #8
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You are not a victim dear Eva , you are a survivor !! Hugs
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Old 01-10-2016, 05:40 PM   #9
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Default Alffe

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alffe View Post
http://brightside.me/article/not-eve...g-wrong-55105/


great article I stole from Bizi's home page on FB. Thanks!
It is a great article!
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Old 01-11-2016, 07:03 AM   #10
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So much pain Eva, but beautifully said.
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