:hug::hug::hug: Eva :hug::hug::hug:

And it's
 

A bladder infection
Maybe that's why they weren't all over her
Honestly
I just don't get it
She continues to try and suck me into her chaos
But I still have to educate her about this kind of stuff
NO
Did that
they were taught well
It's the,
"I want attention now and if I can't get ill tell my mom they are treating me badly"
I learned the last time
Oh she was right at the breaking point
Of death
Make no mistake
Shooting herself up with all her insulin
Are you kidding me

Are you kidding me

Sleep all hours whenever
Be zero productivity
And think this is alright

Oh my goodness
What are you trying to pull

So I say knock it off
I have to deal with a five year old who has a problem with her gym attire
Are you kidding me
She has a problem with the elastic around the ankles
I will have to pull them out
Can you imaging
Five
And I tell her
"I don't make up the rules"
As she grasps my leg
"You have to put them on when you have gym"
"That's the rules the school adults made them rule,
and Eva will get a good grade because you are in uniform
Yup
Oh my goodness
Five
And she will let sweat pants spoil her day
How the heck did I do it
How the heck did I do it
Oh that's right my drinking
Thank you Jesus it was short lived
Yet
Damage already done
But a true blessing
Once I had my a ha moment
I am blessed to have been that alcoholic
It is a big part of who I am today
And to those who understand
Hearing persons say
If they only had a little of what we "have"

And I was the parent that went on all the school trips
It isn't anything I can do now
Corissa is having a hard time
She has an interview with a retail costume store
Just to start
She says
Mom can you stay in the car and just wait for me
Just be near me
Can you imagine
Time for her to work
I will stick it out to ease her fears
She had it tough

I have to take myself to the hospital Monday to have the halter monitor on for twenty four or forty eight hours
This will be interesting

Change of weather taking its toll
on this worn body
I have to get excerise in somehow
Very carefully
Doing the everyday stuff in the morning isn't the same
It hurts
This body hurts to the touch
And is so painful
Certain areas just unable to even touch
That be bone
Right jaw
Affecting my ear
it too hurts
When touched
Will I not run to the doctors
No, but I will keep eye on it
with other similar findings
Part of getting older
And the body rots
I want to survive
And accomplish all that is unfinished
I have another child to help move along in the world
If it were not of my blood
And could care for another child in the same loving way
To belong
To belong
I'm in the position where I just have to do
I would do it again
Like it or not
Not
Not
Not
Just another day mom does what she wants
And that's that
What a shame
Me

You are doing the best you can in a bad situation :hug::hug::hug:

I hope that the results from the halter monitor are okay.
I really think that you should have your jaw and ear pain looked at if you haven't experienced this before. It sounds like an issue with a facial nerve that could be treated.

Don't forget to take care of yourself Eva :hug:

Did I create the monster inside them
 

Having a structured way of life from a very young age
I am just beside myself and wonder if I'm the cause if such utter disregard how far I will go just for them
But remember I am asked

Having gone through a tough time with my youngest child
And it has been and continues to be a headache

The phone a obsession
I not the only parent struggling with this
Does it mean I have to put up with it
No
Having to take her out of school twice
High school
Having a difficult time acclimating in her new school
Being called by trouble
From children, students and inept persons
Some weren't even in school but scout the lonly
To get them hooked on drugs
If she were to go down that same road again
I would have pulled her out again
She was and pulled me into a very bad place for years
It was terrible
And still at the end if the day
Back in April when she took flight to her fathers home
Could not wait to come home
And all the things she misses
A clean tidy home
Not much to keep up with
And because I do not bleed to show my pain
It isn't understood
And because she lets things go for
and it go on a long time
I just can't stand it any more
Garbage it stinks up the house
There isn't anything much I the way if helping where I cannot do anymore like the laundry washing the pots and pans as the hands turn black and blue
The fact that she gets up
puts a slabs cream cheese on a slice of potato bread remind her a half cup if applesauce please
While I do all the physical
Sorry Eva goes to school polished
I believe a she should take pride in how she presents-themselves in certain settings
Wherever I was required to wear a uniform
I always took pride to look my best we were one unit dressed alike that
I remember sewing my name on my jumpsuit uniform
We needed to see our names on it
Because I was taught from a European woman who's culture worked with needles of all kinds
And of course it was right up my alley
Loved it
Did it in script
And how
Taking pride in oneself

It has been about six close to seven years when so many things went south
My family hitting me the hardest
On many levels
I had my own crap I was going through
Mine never stops just one acting as a conduit for the other situation

Yet mommy sat outside while she had her first interview
her first job
Then we shopped for her uniform for work
Yea I did that
This crazy mom

I have come to a place where my youngest took advantage
Before coming back
Her father had a job set up fo her and she manipulated her way out of that one
Was to frightened
Used Eva as her excuse
Then me
Having come HOME
Being on that pink cloud that her and Eva were riding
and now she sees how fresh she can be with her mouth
Only for her to now
always have that fear if my Tittie doesn't behave she has things taken away
Only we are talking a large general gap here
Persons think Eva is her daughter
And she will go with it at times
Not a good thing and not to be done again

So I finally guilt her into doing or rather picking one of the three important issues GED, work, driver licenses and calling doctors she needs to see
Says
"Mom can you come with me and wait outside when I go I for my interview"
Like I said
"Sure ill come and support you and she got her first job on her very first interview"
While in there I had a gut feeling it was here
We then spent the next four hours going to three different stores for all the things she needed for work
I know repeated myself
All throughout the time together she was on the phone there wasn't a time it was put down until I asked her
"I'm in pain can you ease find your size"
It was terrible
To come home to the stench because she didn't take the garbage out
Really
Really
And I have all the hard work to do with Eva
Make sure the teeth brushed, washed hair combed
Her uniform clean
Her homework ready
Her breakfast eaten
Her vitamin
Her five kisses in her pocket
Her
"Who's gonna have a great day?"
Because no one, no one will spoil it!!!!
Every single day
And it is tough
My meds are just going into my body at that time
It is a rainy day today
Killing me
My other children nowhere helping out
I mean with Eva
No body
Corissa took on the protective roll
It's more than she thought
A mother she isn't and it never was the intent
Yet where is Eva's mom
She has become so complacent about the situation
I have no objection to her coming and getting her ready from beginning to end
Just to get her off to school
Oh I would as Corissa would I'm sure welcome mommy to do the mommy things for her child
Right now it's me

The MONSTERS I created
Should she have gone into strangers arms
I am her grandmother and am doing this for Eva
My child Corissa is behaving in a way like Eva's mother was fresh with her mouth
Not allowed

It's always something
Yea
This stupid mom sat out in the car
Just for her
I zero appreciation
Me

Maybe it's time for you to start saying "no" Eva…. :hug:
Especially if rules aren't followed, and you aren't respected.

You are so on point
Never have this problem with my older children
There is a gap in time
Especially with social media
My oldest is 35, 34, 33
Youngest 18
And social media
And her pushing me because I like to live in a orderly home
Simple rules
Everything has a home
So no excuse
It is truly an appendage
A problem
It interferes with everything
So my experience with her
If it took me to be the one to make it happen
It wouldn't
My older children are beside themselves when talking to me how she is on it
And remind them everyday
This is what I have to deal with everyday
Trying to get her motivated
And I have come to learn
This isn't anything new
But you are on point
I do handle it where I shouldn't ever have or want to go
But she knows I speak the truth
It hurts to watch her they say
All brilliant
The older ones
Workaholic
Until my eldest became ill
She was on managers level just about ready to go into corporate
And bam her first seizure
My eighteen year olds generation is OUT OF CONTROL
out of control
But on point
You are correct
It isn't easy
Now raising Eva
I tell Corissa she will be mimicking her
To think about that
And her mouth sometimes
I want to backhand it
Wrong
Not to ever treat me ever like she tries
It has changed
It's like they want to override the rules
My head hurts so badly
Want to nap
Fixed my room
Folded Eva's clothes
And so on
Typing has gotten difficult
I use the iPod to get my fingers moving
Thanks for everything
Love
Me

And we go to three doctors
 

After making sure everything was ready to just get up take a fast shower (Leads)
Oncologist
We the go to Eva's doctor
Not taking a turn for the worse
But did have a fever
Is still eating and drinking
This fever crept up in the evening
She past the all day fever
Less than twenty four
And because this is day three with a lower temp
But temperature her body is fighting a nasty bug
But needs assastance and because it is viral
and if that were just the case no antibiotics
Yet this could spin into a UTI ear infection
throat hurting (strep) we need the doctors
I was in tears getting us all ready for a smooth morning
With a 3D house project
This is just unbelievable
I'm doing it all over again
Resentments I have come to recognized towards my daughter
I think
You snot
You could come and do her two loads for that's what she has every week
And maybe come and sit in the courtyard and do the project with her
Really
Really
This my daughter could do
And I had to take care of getting the school to all be on the same page
What does Eva mean
Well
Eva was sent home a form when she started school
Asking very important personal questions
Not only did it ask me in contact #1#2#3#4
I listed 1 myself as first
Corissa as second
Christine my child third
Father fourth
Do you think for just a moment
With my luck
Who could not follow the instructions them asing the questions
enter it into the system mother is first contact
Eva is in my custody
The school has the court order
Along with who to contact incase of emergency

Monday I called and spoke with a woman who I have already gotten acquainted with her name is Angela
And because I have been and ordered to be responsible
This is not about power contr none of that
But the simple fact
A human person incapable of entering into the system the information submitted by me as per their request then call my daughter yesterday
How do I know this
Mother calls Corissa to say
School called they said Eva isn't in school
Here goes where mom has the arrangement to talk to mom and dad
Mom 6:00 PM
Father 7:00 PM
Corissa my child sibling Christine
Aunt to Eva is contact #2
So bottom line we needed to go through the system step by step and rearrange what was put into the system
Angels is and I am confident of her abilities in assisting
Awesome job
Will write a review as we will have a history Eva the common
denominator
Enough
I have to watch myself
And not let my grandchild pick up on this and I'm sure she has already on some level
Been there did that and that and that
So frustrated
The last I heard she wasn't doing well
Having to pass stones
Not working
Living with the father who in turn lives with mommy
He never left home

I was up at one in morning with above neighbor
TV off at 10:45 PM
Up again at 5:45 AM
Eva had a difficult time last night breathing dispit the natural feel good remedies a Warm bath rub down of Vicks a drink next to her and something to suck on
I
took my shower letting them sleep
Writing
Waiting for the wave to hit me so I can move around without crying
Will be back later
Until I'm not needed anymore
Me

Another day
 

Given a new day
What will it hold
Things I must do
And things I can't anymore
But try anyways there isn't the help I need
She sleep and doesn't do much
Having to do what she should be doing
Is something I need to let go of
I have to look at it I the bigger scheme of things
I now available to help raise Eva
Not her fault in anyway
Mom wanted someone to love
But has to learn to love herself first enough to stop and see all the things she is missing
I have nobody to help this situation along
Something I need to be patient about
It will never be in my time
I can only with a prayer and HOPE
Let it go and not consume me
I have to make things work for her now
Me

Lean On Me by Bill Withers with Lyrics - YouTube.

"Mom wanted someone to love
But has to learn to love herself first enough to stop and see all the things she is missing
I have nobody to help this situation along"

You can't make her reach out for help to try to learn how to love herself better. She's an adult now and has free will.

You are doing the best thing you can by loving and taking care of her child and showing her by example of what motherhood should be. Hopefully one day she will be ready to take over that role herself. If not, at least her child has always been loved and cared for in the way she deserved- by you.

That is the best you can do Eva. And that's all you can do my friend :hug::hug::hug: