Helpful Information & Links

bizi · 04-13-2008, 08:42 PM

http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/Page...?pagename=home

http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/Page...uicide_suicide

What You Can Do to Help Someone

Among the many things you can do to help someone who is depressed and may be considering suicide, simply talking and listening are the most important. Do not take on the role of therapist. Often, people just need someone to listen. Although this might be difficult, the following are some approaches that have worked for others:

Express empathy and concern.
Severe depression is usually accompanied by a self-absorbed, uncommunicative, withdrawn state of mind. When you try to help, you may be met by your loved one’s reluctance to discuss what he or she is feeling. At such times, it’s important to acknowledge the reality of the pain and hopelessness he or she is experiencing. Resist the urge to function as a therapist. This can ultimately create more feelings of rejection for the person, who doesn't want to be "told what to do." Remain a supportive friend and encourage continued treatment.
Talk about suicide.
Talking about suicide does not plant the idea in someone’s head. Your ability to explore the feelings, thoughts and reactions associated with depression can provide valuable perspective and reassurance to your friend or loved one who may be depressed. Not everyone who thinks of suicide attempts it. For many, it's a passing thought that lessens over time. For a significant number of people, however, the hopelessness and exaggerated anxiety brought on by untreated or under-treated depression may create suicidal thoughts that they can’t easily manage on their own. For this reason, take any mention of suicide seriously.

If someone you know is very close to suicide, direct questions about how, when and where he or she intends to commit suicide can provide valuable information that might help prevent the attempt. Don’t promise confidentiality in these circumstances. It’s important for you to share this information with the individual’s doctor.
Describe specific behaviors and events that trouble you.
If you can explain to your loved one the particular ways his or her behavior has changed, this might help to get communication started. Compounding the lack of interest in communication may be guilt or shame for having suicidal thoughts. Try to help him or her overcome feelings of guilt. If there has already been a suicide attempt, guilt over both the attempt and its failure can make the problem worse. It’s important to reassure the individual that there’s nothing shameful about what they are thinking and feeling. Keep stressing that thoughts of hopelessness, guilt and even suicide are all symptoms of a treatable, medical condition. Reinforce the good work they’ve done in keeping with their treatment plan.
Work with professionals.
Never promise confidentiality if you believe someone is very close to suicide. Keep the person’s doctor or therapist informed of any thoughts of suicide. If possible, encourage them to discuss it with their doctor(s) themselves, but be ready to confirm that those discussions have taken place. This may involve making an appointment to visit the doctor together or calling the doctor on your own. Be aware that a doctor will not be able to discuss the person’s condition with you. You should only call to inform the doctor of your concern.

Whenever possible, you should get permission from your loved one to call his or her doctor if you feel there’s a problem. Otherwise, it could be seen as "butting in" and may worsen the symptoms or cause added stress. Of course, if you believe there is a serious risk of immediate self-harm, call his or her doctor. You can work out any feelings of anger the person has towards you later.
Stress that the person's life is important to you and to others.
Many people find it awkward to put into words how another person's life is important for their own well-being. Emphasize in specific terms to your friend or loved one how his or her suicide would devastate you and others. Share personal stories or pictures to help remind your loved one of the important events in life you’ve shared together.
Be prepared for anger.
The individual may express anger and feel betrayed by your attempt to prevent their suicide or help them get treatment. Be strong. Realize that these reactions are caused by the illness and should pass once the person receives proper treatment.
Always be supportive.
People who have thought about, or attempted, suicide will most likely have feelings of guilt and shame. Be supportive and assure them that their actions were caused by an illness that can be treated. Offer your continued support to help them recover.
Take care of yourself.
It’s not uncommon for friends and family members to experience stress or symptoms of depression when trying to help someone who is suicidal. You can only help by encouraging and supporting people through their own treatment. You cannot get better for them. Don’t focus all of your energy on the one person. Ask friends and family to join you in providing support and keep to your normal routine as much as possible. Pay attention to your own feelings and seek help if you need it. (top)

Nik-key · 08-07-2008, 01:53 PM

The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, also has a huge sections on Surving Suicide Loss

http://www.afsp.org/index.cfm?fuseac...84379C813F8D93

In that section they have a section on Survivors of Suicide Day .. this year it will be held on Saturday, Nov. 22. I just registered to watch the program on my computer.

Nik-key · 08-07-2008, 01:55 PM

AFSP, also have walks to honor those we lost and to help raise money to prevent suicide. http://www.outofthedarkness.org/

Nik-key · 08-11-2008, 09:11 AM

The book Why Suicide? by Eric Marcus.
Answers to 200 of the Most Frequently Asked Questions About Suicide, Attempted Suicide, and Assisted Suicide
HarperSanFrancisco
1996

I actually just received an email from Eric. Very caring, loving, understanding man. His book helped me talk with my niece and nephew about the hows and whys Grampa took his life.

Best wishes, Nikki

Alffe · 10-11-2008, 06:26 AM

http://www.halfofus.com/

Leaving a

for anyone needing one.

Alffe · 10-11-2008, 09:24 AM

Nov. 22, I don't want to miss this..http://view.email.globalcloud.net/?j...6d0d7e771c707c

BJ · 10-12-2008, 07:01 AM

http://www.griefshare.org/

I signed up for the daily emails...they help so much! It is like someone out there truly knows how you are feeling and you don't feel so alone in your grief.

They talk about feelings of grief and then have a Bible scripture to help you.

bizi · 12-03-2008, 10:11 AM

NEW BOOK SUGGESTIONS
for Survivors of Suicide Loss
The following books have been recently reviewed and added to AFSP's Survivors of Suicide Loss Bibliography. Our hope is that these books will offer hope and guidance for survivors at all stages of healing. To view the complete bibliography, click here.
Please visit www.afsp.org/shoponline to order from Amazon.com. Purchases made through www.afsp.org/shoponline benefit AFSP, at no additional cost to you.
SURVIVOR GUIDES
Dying to Be Free: A Healing Guide for Families after a Suicide
Beverly Cobain and Jean Larch, Hazelden Foundation, 2006. Co-authored by the cousin of Kurt Cobain, the lead singer of the band Nirvana who took his own life in 1994, and a crisis intervention specialist, this book combines personal accounts from survivors with practical guidance for coping with suicide loss.
Silent Grief: Living in the Wake of Suicide
Christopher Lukas and Henry Seiden, Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2007.
Co-authored by a psychologist and a survivor of multiple suicide losses, this book is written with sensitivity and understanding, and offers simple, constructive suggestions for healing along with straightforward information and a message of hope.
SURVIVOR STORIES

Blue Genes: A Memoir of Loss and SurvivalChristopher Lukas, Doubleday, 2008. Christopher (Kit) Lukas, co-author of Silent Grief: Living in the Wake of Suicide, survived the suicide of his mother when he was a young boy. Neither he nor his brother were told how she'd died, and both went on to confront their own struggles with depression, a disease that ran throughout their family. In 1997, Kit's brother Tony, a Pulitzer-prize winning author, took his own life. Blue Genes is Kit's exploration of his family history, his personal journey and his determination to find strength and hope.

Dead Reckoning: A Therapist Confronts His Own Grief
David C. Treadway, BasicBooks, 1996. The author, now a successful family therapist, was just twenty when his mother, a longtime alcoholic, took her own life. Even as he counsels his clients on how to deal with death, loss and grief, he finds himself increasingly unable to manage his own. Turning to his own therapist for help, Treadway includes the reader on his journey of healing as he finally comes to terms with his mother's death.

Never Regret the Pain: Loving and Losing a Bipolar Spouse
Sel Erder Yackley, Helm Publishing, 2008. In her memoir, Sel Erder Yackley, mother of three, provides the reader an intimate glimpse into her family's struggle to understand, cope with, and grieve the bipolar disorder and ultimate suicide of husband, a well-respected judge.

The Suicide Index: Putting My Father's Death in Order
Joan Wickersham, Harcourt Inc., 2008. Wickersham uses an index -- that most orderly of structures -- to try to make sense of her father's suicide. The family history, business failures and encounters with friends and doctors are assembled into a philosophical, deeply personal and beautifully-written exploration of the mystery of her father's life and death.
FOR MEN
Swallowed by a Snake: The Gift of the Masculine Side of Healing
Thomas R. Golden, Golden Healing Publishing, 1996. This book by a licensed clinical social worker explores the stereotypically "masculine" experience of grief. In the author's words, "[a] man reading these pages will find a book that honors the uniqueness of a man's path toward healing. A woman reading this book will benefit not only from gaining a deeper understanding of the men in her life, she will find herself in these pages."
When Suicide Comes Home: A Father's Diary and Comments
Paul Cox, Bolton Press 2002. A father's perspective on the first year following his son's suicide, this book is written in a simple, straightforward way - an easy read for early grief. While written from a father's perspective, female readers (especially spouses) have said that it helped them better understand the male experience of grief. (Order by visiting www.boltonpress.com. Currently unavailable through Amazon.com.)
POETRY/INSPIRATIONAL
A Long-Shadowed Grief: Suicide and its Aftermath
Harold Ivan Smith, Cowley Publications 2006. Written from a Christian perspective, this book by a survivor of his cousin's suicide and former funeral director explores the aftermath of suicide through the lenses of spirituality and theology.
Healing the Hurt Spirit: Daily Affirmations for People Who Have Lost a Loved One to Suicide
Catherine Greenleaf, St. Dymphna Press, 2006. Written by a longtime survivor of multiple suicide losses, this non-denominational book encourages survivors to explore their grief through a series of simple readings and daily affirmations. (Order by visiting www.centeringcorp.com or CompassionBooks.com. Currently unavailable through Amazon.com.)

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