I'm sorry you're struggling David
There are so many ways that bipolar disorder and meds alter our lives, and there is so much in life to test us.
I miss who I was before I became more stable, and even though I am more "even" now, it will always be a struggle, and I will always still be "off". I understand the reality and dynamics of my situation, but I've never been able to apply that knowledge because I'm mentally ill.
Like you, I'm isolated with the exception of my significant other.
I'm so glad that you took the opportunity to vent, David. You have a lot on your mind, and that's what we're here for