Go Back   NeuroTalk Support Groups > >

just venting ...if thats ok

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 09-20-2016, 03:00 PM   #1
DMACK
Senior Member
 
DMACK's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: EARTH
Posts: 1,094
My Mood: just venting ...if thats ok
Default just venting ...if thats ok

Living a modern life is much harder than I thought.

Some days I cruise through thinking I have mastered it, and other days I am the hypersensitive male my cyber friend once described.

Life at present is a deffinate struggle...I try to remain positive and. Then ....a word, a look, a gesture, a sentence, a/statement, a ....momentary pause of no interaction what so ever.

Believe me I try every bloody day to say this chaos in my head will get better.....I tell others daily that life is an opportunity take it . Why do I stumble with my own advice

Recently my thoughts are utter ****.......my mum is dying of dementia....I wish it would end

I dream of breaking limbs..so I can take time off to re assemble my thoughts and deal with current life

I day dream of divorce to rid myself of responsibility to others, yet dream nightmares of separation and cry hysterically in my sleep...recently experiencing sleep paralysis three times in six weeks...( which is a living nightmare)

I love my children without hesitation..but cannot express my feelings, instead display complete seperation

Five years of mood stabalising medication...destroyed me..I'm a shell of my former manic self

I am numb of happiness and void of excitement....I don't want to end my life, but I more than often wish I did not wake, or lightining did strike...

I have no friends. (Bar my dear wife). I am alone evey day.....feeling sorry for myself (people might say, pull yourself together.......) every bloody day


I daily put up with people talking over me, round me, through me....its like I'm not there

The only plus is the public send thanks to my employer for my interaction with them.....but to them iI,my still invisible, and their ambivilance makes me more withdrawn and silent.

I have endured more change in seven years to last a lifetime..

.I morph endlessly ......to mould into other peoples expectations....for what?.........


I just wanted to get this out...and vent my thoughts....


.tomorrow I try again..............
David
__________________
Take care of YOU


.
DMACK is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Alffe (09-21-2016), bizi (09-20-2016), Diandra (09-20-2016), eva5667faliure (09-20-2016), OhKay (09-21-2016), PurpleFoot721 (10-11-2016), Skeezyks (10-06-2016), St George 2013 (09-21-2016), tied (11-13-2016)
Old 09-20-2016, 03:51 PM   #2
bizi
Legendary
 
bizi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: cajun country, lafayette Louisiana
Posts: 17,763
My Mood: just venting ...if thats ok
Default

I am sorry that you suffer so.
Mental Illness is a b****
I have lost cognitive ability and memory from years of anti psychotic usage.
I sympathize with you.
We need you.
thank you for sharing.
I am sorry it is so hard.....
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi
__________________

.

This is harriet, my sweet baby girl.....
heavy sigh.....
.



one day at a time....
bizi is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Alffe (09-21-2016), DMACK (09-26-2016), eva5667faliure (09-21-2016), OhKay (09-21-2016), PurpleFoot721 (10-11-2016), St George 2013 (09-21-2016), tied (11-13-2016)
Old 09-20-2016, 09:58 PM   #3
Diandra
Member
 
Diandra's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Connecticut USA
Posts: 545
Default

David,
I think it takes a great deal of courage to open up and vent as you did here. I think you said many things that many of us just think but are afraid to utter to anyone, even our forum buddies.

The trade off of 5 years of numbing mood stabilizers VS mania....what a terrible choice to have to make. I don't know what to say other than, I feel such sorrow for what you endure and I simply wanted you to know I'm thinking of you. I wish I could make it all better.

Diandra

P.S. I am envious of the fact you are employed. I have not been able to work for years.
You must be good at your job if people are thanking your employer.
Diandra is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Alffe (09-21-2016), bizi (09-20-2016), DMACK (09-26-2016), eva5667faliure (09-21-2016), OhKay (09-21-2016), PamelaJune (10-06-2016), PurpleFoot721 (10-11-2016), St George 2013 (09-21-2016)
Old 09-21-2016, 07:03 AM   #4
OhKay
Grand Magnate
 
OhKay's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 3,526
Default

I'm sorry you're struggling David

There are so many ways that bipolar disorder and meds alter our lives, and there is so much in life to test us.

I miss who I was before I became more stable, and even though I am more "even" now, it will always be a struggle, and I will always still be "off". I understand the reality and dynamics of my situation, but I've never been able to apply that knowledge because I'm mentally ill.

Like you, I'm isolated with the exception of my significant other.


I'm so glad that you took the opportunity to vent, David. You have a lot on your mind, and that's what we're here for
OhKay is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Alffe (09-21-2016), bizi (09-21-2016), DMACK (09-26-2016), eva5667faliure (09-21-2016), PurpleFoot721 (10-11-2016), St George 2013 (09-21-2016)
Old 09-21-2016, 09:29 AM   #5
Alffe
Young Senior Elder Member
 
Alffe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 11,286
Default

So glad to hear from you David and to really hear how you're feeling!

Please remember what a blessing you are in so many peoples lives including my own . And remember that it's OK to have those thoughts as long as you don't act on them .

I find myself so depressed about the condition of our world that it's hard for me to say anything positive

Shall we dance ?
__________________

.
Alffe is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
bizi (09-21-2016), DMACK (09-26-2016), eva5667faliure (09-21-2016), OhKay (09-22-2016), PamelaJune (10-06-2016), PurpleFoot721 (10-11-2016), St George 2013 (09-21-2016)
Old 10-06-2016, 10:11 AM   #6
Diandra
Member
 
Diandra's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Connecticut USA
Posts: 545
Default

Hi David,
Have been thinking of you. How are things going?
Diandra


Quote:
Originally Posted by DMACK View Post
Living a modern life is much harder than I thought.

Some days I cruise through thinking I have mastered it, and other days I am the hypersensitive male my cyber friend once described.

Life at present is a deffinate struggle...I try to remain positive and. Then ....a word, a look, a gesture, a sentence, a/statement, a ....momentary pause of no interaction what so ever.

Believe me I try every bloody day to say this chaos in my head will get better.....I tell others daily that life is an opportunity take it . Why do I stumble with my own advice

Recently my thoughts are utter ****.......my mum is dying of dementia....I wish it would end

I dream of breaking limbs..so I can take time off to re assemble my thoughts and deal with current life

I day dream of divorce to rid myself of responsibility to others, yet dream nightmares of separation and cry hysterically in my sleep...recently experiencing sleep paralysis three times in six weeks...( which is a living nightmare)

I love my children without hesitation..but cannot express my feelings, instead display complete seperation

Five years of mood stabalising medication...destroyed me..I'm a shell of my former manic self

I am numb of happiness and void of excitement....I don't want to end my life, but I more than often wish I did not wake, or lightining did strike...

I have no friends. (Bar my dear wife). I am alone evey day.....feeling sorry for myself (people might say, pull yourself together.......) every bloody day


I daily put up with people talking over me, round me, through me....its like I'm not there

The only plus is the public send thanks to my employer for my interaction with them.....but to them iI,my still invisible, and their ambivilance makes me more withdrawn and silent.

I have endured more change in seven years to last a lifetime..

.I morph endlessly ......to mould into other peoples expectations....for what?.........


I just wanted to get this out...and vent my thoughts....


.tomorrow I try again..............
David
Diandra is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
DMACK (10-06-2016), ger715 (11-14-2016), OhKay (10-07-2016)
Old 10-06-2016, 11:47 AM   #7
DMACK
Senior Member
 
DMACK's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: EARTH
Posts: 1,094
My Mood: just venting ...if thats ok
Default

Jess Glynne - Take Me Home [Official Video] - YouTube


I put this song up......because people hear and see pain....but how far would we go to help......

Thanks for asking bout me Diandra

90% of the time I plod on...10% of the time implode on my own

My biggest gripe last few months , maybe a year...is this bloody invisibility I suddenly have

LITERRARLY KILLING ME

I'm talking to people and then others take over the conversation I then slip in to the side

I'm OK on my own...lots of practice
But its more visible now...it hurts



Caring costs nothing....





I'm visiting a friend this weekend...I went to school with 35 years ago......something I'm looking forward to........I carry on
__________________
Take care of YOU


.

Last edited by DMACK; 10-06-2016 at 01:00 PM.
DMACK is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Alffe (11-05-2016), bizi (10-06-2016), eva5667faliure (10-06-2016), ger715 (11-14-2016), OhKay (10-07-2016), PamelaJune (10-06-2016), PurpleFoot721 (10-11-2016)
Old 10-06-2016, 11:53 AM   #8
DMACK
Senior Member
 
DMACK's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: EARTH
Posts: 1,094
My Mood: just venting ...if thats ok
Default

Lukas Graham - 7 Years [OFFICIAL MUSIC VIDEO] - YouTube
__________________
Take care of YOU


.
DMACK is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Alffe (11-05-2016), bizi (10-06-2016), eva5667faliure (10-06-2016), ger715 (11-14-2016), OhKay (10-07-2016), PurpleFoot721 (10-11-2016)
Old 10-06-2016, 07:33 PM   #9
bizi
Legendary
 
bizi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: cajun country, lafayette Louisiana
Posts: 17,763
My Mood: just venting ...if thats ok
Heart

oh david, hope you are taking care of yourself.
How is your family?
((((HUGS))))
bizi
__________________

.

This is harriet, my sweet baby girl.....
heavy sigh.....
.



one day at a time....
bizi is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Alffe (11-05-2016), ger715 (11-14-2016), OhKay (10-07-2016), PurpleFoot721 (10-11-2016)
Old 10-07-2016, 07:13 AM   #10
OhKay
Grand Magnate
 
OhKay's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 3,526
Default

David, do you think that you may have become more invisible over time because you have slowly been withdrawing, and others have been picking up on those cues and responding to that?

I can't imagine how this sense of invisibility must feel…
OhKay is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Alffe (11-05-2016), bizi (10-07-2016), eva5667faliure (10-07-2016), ger715 (11-14-2016), PurpleFoot721 (10-11-2016)
Reply

Tags
daily, day, dream, interaction, life

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Have you ever??? (venting) Erin524 The Stumble Inn 7 03-07-2011 02:13 PM
Venting! Lisa in Ohio Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy (RSD and CRPS) 19 07-02-2010 01:25 PM
Venting. tysondouglass Myasthenia Gravis 4 05-15-2010 11:42 AM
Venting Dmom3005 Bipolar Disorder 14 02-19-2010 04:43 PM
venting!! hopeful Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy (RSD and CRPS) 21 10-26-2009 04:13 PM


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:20 AM.
Brought to you by the fine folks who publish mental health and psychology information at Psych Central • Mental Health Forums

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment
provided by a qualified health care provider. Always consult your doctor before trying anything you read here.


Powered by vBulletin • Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Optimisation provided by DragonByte SEO v2.0.31 (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2017 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.

All posts copyright their original authors • Community Guidelines • Terms of Use • Privacy Policy