BJ

I agree with Moose about allowing yourself to go through the pain. It's called mourning, and unfortunately it's a part of life we all have to experience - well, most of us.

It tore me apart to lose my life-long best friend. She was the only person I trusted. It tore me apart to lose my father. He was the only man I trusted (til I met Ray).

I allowed myself to cry and moan over my loss. When my best friend died, my ex-husband gave me the opportunity to get angry, yell and scream too. He came over to "console" me, but really only wanted a little action for himself and told me to stop crying because "I'd get over it." My neighbor used to tease me saying she thought his name was "Get the F outta my house!!" My ex is now claiming credit, saying he knew all along it would be good for me to get out my frustration and anger over losing my best friend.

When my father died, my husband was supportive - even cried with me. He also allowed me to resolve my issues with my deceased mother. I would sometimes get overwhelmed with grief (or anger) over their loss - something would trigger their memory, and it would cause painful emotions. I'd go to the cemetery or other special place (like your garden) and talk with them - or cry.

Over time, their memory no longer caused pain. Instead, I allowed the good times we had together - or even bad times we got through together - to enter my mind. Their memory would bring a smile to my face - being grateful I was allowed to share a bit of my life with them and carry the memory forever.

When you're in pain, go back to a time when your mother was there to ease your pain. Allow yourself to feel that comfort again because the love she gave you never died.

Oh BJ, I am just shocked at your last picture. I think I told you I have a Rose of Sharon exactly like your's. Well...I TOO have an angel in the exact same spot that your's is!!!!

Now you'll think I've lost my mind here... My sister also liked Rose of Sharon, hence mine in my garden with the angel in front of it. Just the other day I was watering my plants (I talk to them ) and I leaned over the angel to look closely at one of the blooms. I started talking to it telling it how beautiful it was and thanked it. At that time, I felt a gentle tap and squeeze on my butt cheek. LOL I'm not kidding.

My sister used to pat my butt and give it a hard squeeze. All in my head? Could be.

You WILL get better. Keep talking to us, and I'm SO glad you called your pdoc. If he's as good as mine, he listened and helped.

Hey BJ! From my angel and Rose of Sharon to you and your's.

I'm fighting it. I cutted again this morning and I have no idea why I'm doing it. I'm just hurting inside and I can't make it stop. I don't want to go into the hospital again but I'm teetering. I'm getting very tired and my mind is shutting down.

I'm sitting here in tears from all the warmth and understanding. I'm going to print it out and take it outside with me. I just need to be near my mom. And I know deep down she's out there and wanted me to have that statue for a reason.

Thank you all so much for helping me through this. I don't have my mom or dad but I'm so thankful I have you guys. But when it gets dark that's the hardest part.

Oh gosh Doody that is scary. It looks just like mine. I'm glad you find peace there Doody. People don't understand that sometimes your loved ones leave a message and do things for a reason. I'm so glad that you find your sister there.

Wow, Doody! That's just totally amazing to see those flowers side by side there. Thanks for posting yours as well.

BJ, good to see you posting today. Please do go to the hospital if you feel that you need to do that. (((BJ)))

You guys are lucky to have such beautiful flowers and gardens.

My Mom used to have an incredible green thumb. We had beautiful gardens in Massachusetts before we moved. White roses -- exquisite.

When we moved down South to follow my Dad's work, she took as many of the flowers as she could. She couldn't take the lilacs or the white roses because the plants were too big.

You know, in the South you have a much longer growing season. My goodness, she planted the flowers so that as soon as one ended its season, another came right up next to it. There were flowers growing just about 10 months out of the year.

I, unfortunately, did not get the green thumb. I forget plants are outside and forget to water them. Inside, though, I can grow nice plants. I used to have a wax plant that was grown from seed -- pretty white crosses with pink centers and waxy green leaves. My Grandmother was jealous, because she could never get her wax plant to flower. I guess they have to be extremely pot-bound to flower. Now, I've got silk plants because my kitties cannot be trusted with real plants in the apartment.

((((((Doody)))))), that tap on the butt. That's what I was talking about when I gave BJ the website the other day: Hello from Heaven. You'll learn how to see how often they're communicating with us. Most times we're so hectic and racing around that we don't pay attention to what's really happening around us.

I told a woman on another forum about that website a couple of years ago. A Christmas cactus that had been a gift to her Mother had never-ever bloomed. After her Mother took her next steps, the Christmas cactus bloomed way off season and for a long time.

Everybody that I talk to experiences this. It's so amazing. Usually what you see is a small animal or a small insect, like a butterfly, behaving very differently. Sometimes plants. Sometimes, you hear a sound or smell a scent. Just a couple of weeks ago, I smelled my Mom's bath powder -- very strong -- for a couple of hours. I don't have the stuff in the house, never have, I don't like the smell of it So amazing.

((((((BJ)))))), I hope you can get yourself into a place where your Mom can find a way to contact you. I just know that that will help so much.

All of the ancient peoples believe that there's something more. The Egyptians. The Chinese. The first Americans. It's not reincarnation, it's another realm that they are sometimes able to communicate from.

((((((BJ)))))), I know how hard it is to miss a brother and a Mom. It takes a lot of hard work and time and tears until you get to the place where the memories are stronger than the pain. Then you start to heal. It's a different amount of time for everyone.

It took me over 13 years to start to heal after my brother's suicide. What helped was a young, handsome male therapist telling me that "it was not my fault". I believed him. I started to cry. And, I started to heal. I was lucky, too, that my husband stood by me, even though he didn't have a clue as to how much pain I was in. Just his being there helped.

BIG HUGS for everybody. And an extra for BJ.

Barb

BJ honey or as Bizi would say, girlie. I only have a minute on here because all my girls are home for an overniter and we're going to get in the hot tub with a mudslide or two.

I'm worried about you being alone and feeling the way you do. I think you should go to the hospital where you can be looked after and won't be by yourself.

Please know that I care deeply about what you are feeling and there is no shame in reaching out for help when you are in need.

Hi BJ

In 1992, in the depths of despair i cut my wrist so badly i severed my Median nerve, and tendons to thumb an three fingers. 15 years on i have no feeling in my hand bar one finger, and have constant pins and needles/elecrtric shock type pain. Please stop cutting i dont want lasting physical pain for you.

Tomorrow go on YOU TUBE type in Celion Dion/Immortality....I've just listened to that song and my father is sat here right next to me [ he, is probably telling me to go to bed, but he is with me....GREAT FEELING]

This time will pass..................

Dear BJ,
I also hope you do go to the hospital if you're feeling so bad. I'm so very concerned about you feeling the way you are while you're totally alone there and so scared.