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Old 05-23-2017, 06:36 AM   #21
OhKay
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It is so hard to just listen and not give advice when you love someone and have their best interests at heart, especially if you have walked the path they are on

You have a right to resent your daughter's behavior
Unfortunately, it seems like it is going to take her extra time to develop into an adult. I'm sure it's hard not to enable her behavior without causing a rift
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Old 05-24-2017, 06:12 AM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OhKay View Post
It is so hard to just listen and not give advice when you love someone and have their best interests at heart, especially if you have walked the path they are on

You have a right to resent your daughter's behavior
Unfortunately, it seems like it is going to take her extra time to develop into an adult. I'm sure it's hard not to enable her behavior without causing a rift
Hugs and well wishes in return
It is just like you said
So difficult to step back
My older children rather than help guide her are not being responsible and they too do not get it
One cannot stay sober on their own
My son dabbling with death and adds alcohol as a replacement because he says he can control himself
My eldest a taste for alcohol
The mother of my grandchild
The only one who's been bitten by he rooms
Still not in a good way
And then we have my youngest
A road she doesn't have to travel
She lives with me and my grandchild
Trying to get help is never going to work if she has no desire to get help
Invincible she thinks she is
I kills to watch
Very carefully I deal with her
Very gently
And then there are times I just want to shake her
She knows what she is doing
This is the part that hurts
She knows
Will alway be their cheerleader
When will she start to fight back
All I can do is pray
Pray to Heavenly Father that they will find their way sooner than later
And to see I'm on their side and understand
Thanks for the support
Holding in
As I hold on to her and try not letting her fall into the abyss
Much love with warm hugs
Me
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Old 05-24-2017, 10:30 AM   #23
ger715
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Eva,
A few years ago, when Corissa first spoke with me over the phone; the first thing she said was "thank you for being friends with my mother". Her love for you stood out.

It's still there; just pray she can move away from the "fog" that is hindering her view on all that she is and could be.


Gerry
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Old 05-24-2017, 01:49 PM   #24
eva5667faliure
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Default Dear Gerry

Corissa has all the space she could ever ask of me
And I am always ready for her when she falls
My angel has a path of her own she needs to find
What hurts me mostly
Is watching them step away from faith all will be awesome when embracing God Jesus the angels the universe the sun
Whatever
But believe in yourself I tell them
They all are wrapped up in this way of the world
Not the good stuff
How they turned away so quickly
Blows me away
I have guided my children and the can take care of themselves
Such as cooking taking case of bills financial responsibility
Laundry
And such
But the deeper side of them have changed closer to Corissas generation
Stagnant
The core of Corissa all good
She says she would like to be a counseling as your daughter is doing
Something she has knowledge in and has a desire to return back to school
She gets sidetracked easily
And many take advantage of her
I never came between her relationship with her father
Someone that I knew was not healthy
And I was not going to be the reason they would have like to gave tried didn't happen
I feel secretly badly for her and her sister Christine
Her dad forgot he even had her
They both have real dad issues and I don't like any of the things he says says to Corissa gave her a body image complex
She's always fighting over food
He terrible
Just terrible
I don't like it
I can't do anything about him
But just be available for her
The phone is in a dangerous condition and he will not get it fixed it is cracked oozing with all that dangerous stuff
She sleeps with it
Puts it in her bra
In her kidney area
It is so dangerous
This is just one example
And pray that one day she will submit to Heavenly Father
Pray she will return to therapy
They are waiting for her
And I will continue to pray
And try to have as much fun with them as possible
They are inseparable
You are heard
You are heard dear friend
Thanks
Warm hugs
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Old 05-25-2017, 07:02 AM   #25
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It's so common at 19 for kids to feel invincible. For some reason, 19 isn't as old as it used to be now, and that may be a little part of it. Keep loving her, and hopefully, she will start loving herself enough to find herself soon

I feel badly that the girls have not had enough of their father. It must be very difficult for them
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Old 05-25-2017, 08:11 AM   #26
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Default You are so on the money

To not have a father in their lives in a positive way
To have not focused on them and not me
Sad but true
The one who seen it clearly
Is my youngest
Never coming between them
She know where my heart lays away
And am always to be found when they need me
I support them trying to find the answers they look for
I have a son who has been surrounded by women
His three sisters
Me my two sisters
My mother
It must have been difficult
A mother no matter how much she tries to help fill it by taking them to all sports available
It turned out to be softball
But even then he was treated differently by the adults
My boy is 6'8" tall
He was always two heads taller
And lanky
Oh how they wanted him for basketball
He wasn't interested
Eventually left softball as they expected so much more because of his height
But I tried
And he knew that
And as time went by
And they got older and technology was first introduced when they were in high school
Everything changed
And I guess I didn't change quick enough or not change at all
I do not like it when I have company and the phone is out in front of them or in their hands
But you have a very valid important assement
As I had a father around

But did so much harm

And having divorced so young
I trusted nobody with my children
It was a choice not to be involved in their lives
It hurt when he applied for emancipation from them

Yes I sacrificed much for them
They owe me nothing
I expect nothing
I chose to not ever be involved with anybody

And it was one less fear I did not have to worry about
If my father was capable of doing what he did to me and my sister and a mother who knew and turned her head when crap was happening
I don't know
What would you do
That's what I did

They grew up without a dad
As a dad should be in his son and daughters life

Conscious of this did the best I could
That's that

Standing on the sideline
The love never stops
The dreams to come true
Lots of love
Me
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Old 05-28-2017, 10:38 PM   #27
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Eva,
Was that your ex-husband, the father of your first three children, that filed for emancipation from them? I had not heard that term before. Did that mean he didn't pay any support for them?

My dad left when I was almost 11; my brother is 3 years older than me. My father did keep in touch with me tho. Thankfully, the school was less than a block away as well as the Church. Since my mother often worked nights, I spent many evenings just sitting in Church. Faith was very important then as well as now.

It is good your children are aware of your faith. Hopefully this will one day make a difference to them and eventually seek God's help in prayer.


Gerry
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Old 05-29-2017, 10:23 AM   #28
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ger715 View Post
Eva,
Was that your ex-husband, the father of your first three children, that filed for emancipation from them? I had not heard that term before. Did that mean he didn't pay any support for them?

My dad left when I was almost 11; my brother is 3 years older than me. My father did keep in touch with me tho. Thankfully, the school was less than a block away as well as the Church. Since my mother often worked nights, I spent many evenings just sitting in Church. Faith was very important then as well as now.

It is good your children are aware of your faith. Hopefully this will one day make a difference to them and eventually seek God's help in prayer.


Gerry
Dear Gerry
Hoping this message finds you and your family well
Emancipation has all but the same to be relieved of any responsibility to or for them
To take care of themselves
He never believed his eldest is an epelitic and has had all the surgeries or that she is blind in her right eye
Yes Gerry
As if he never fathered them
And of the three
Christine was 3/12 months
Sara close to 4
Michael close to 2
He divorced them also
Never held him from not have contact
The grandparents on that side divorced them as well
After a good number of years
My ex sister in law a mother of two past and left two girls behind
Wrote me
Asking for forgiveness not being in their life
As she said she understood what I was going through
Sadly we never had a chance to be a family
He wanted nothing to do with them
In his words
If I can't have you
They are yours
My case set presetance in the state of NJ
MY EX EVADED HIS RESPONSIBILITY WORKING FOR GENERAL MOTORS in the nj linden plant
And transferred to the Tarrytown plant in our back yard in a different state New York
It was and is what it is
He has had contact from them
He has no interest
Be well
Doing all that is expected of me
And will never abandon them
Me
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Old 06-08-2017, 07:53 AM   #29
eva5667faliure
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Default Wanting my last breath

My yesterday is today just so much worse
Nothing
4days and something went aray just like that
Yesterday is here again and I don't want to be in it
My two youngest children together for the past few days
They are not children
And their bull crap isn't anything I want to deal with
I am so done and now what
Wait for another repeat of such a horrible horrible day and I am so so so sorry
But it is not ok
Babies mother in the hospital so high on PCP
and then my youngest hung with her until mommy stormed out of the meeting
My youngest doing her thing with a jerk who is trying to 13 step my child and doesn't even know it
And has push me out of her way
Put her hands on me
A child I never hit or abused
And I don't know why but she is not the daughter I once had and knew
Her traumatic as she watched her sister high and it comes back to me when she came home at a late time
To awake me to that crap
And then I just caved
Caved where my brain cannot handle the pain and overload
I am not alive anymore
The life is sucked out of me and no body sees it at all
The veins in my hands hurt so badly
My feet hurt when I stand
Just burn me
Please
Just burn me
How does one keep a happy face on like she sees me try
And why does she have to ask are they happ sad pain or happy tears
And I don't want to feel see cry anymore because I have nobody else to talk to about this all
I am the only person who is trying to keep my granddaughter in a happy place
I can't today
A son who is kicking dope
My eldest who I hear has a unhealthy taste for alcohol addiction addiction addiction is killing them and me
Because I have lived longer
And my child tells me how traumatized she is seeing her sister in that state and just keeps dumping more and mor and mor and more I just want it to all end
I can't do anything about it
There isn't anything I can do
I don't want to hear any of it anymore
Who is listing to me
Who is helping me
What have I got to keep my granddaughter happy while the rest of them are killing themselves I all I can do is watch
I don't want to see hear feel know any of it
Why do I do this to myself
I have no body helping or looking out for me
But have to trust this is what Heavenly Father has in store for us
I don't have the nerve
I can't do it
To just slip away slowly pain free of it all
To not ****ing cry anymore
It does nothing it doesn't feel good afterwards
And I don't know when the next problem will arise
trauma she says
I am sure
Only
All I have to say about that
I relate
As I have 56 years of it and it doesn't seem to be getting better
What
What else must I have to understand my purpose is and for what
Who cares anyway I have to let go of this
HOW MUCH MORE SADNESS DISPARITY PAIN I DONT KNIW WHAT TO DO WITH IT
Nobody sees or hears
So what else is left to do
Watch my granddaughter life be destroyed
Why can't I have the means to just get away
Just run away
Why am I here
Why do I have to stay in this tornado that has become a monster
I come to you dear Father
Please please release my heat that hurt so much
My brain can't think anymore
Today I am good go nobody including myself
I have a hole where my heart used to be
I feel so sad no words to explain
Where do I go
What do I do
How do I move ahead when I have all this crap to deal with
I don't want to anymore
And then there is Eva
Tainted by so much ugliness
How do I protect us
No family
No mother to turn to
As she never wanted us
None of my children doing well enough to help
As they need it desperately
And I have been there so many times
Just want to throw the towel in
Pray pray pray pray pray I do not for me
It hurts so badly
My child able to push me
Why not kill me
There is so much hurt so much hurting all hurting
And I can't keep it together anymore
I just want to throw in the towel
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Old 06-08-2017, 10:43 AM   #30
ger715
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Eva,
Sad... It appears they feel your place has a swinging door and are taking advantage of it. It's difficult to place rules like "open door" will not remain open under these conditions. Seeing this daily is just too painful in addition to all your physical pain.

So sorry you are having to deal with this kind of behavior.


Gerry
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