Go Back   NeuroTalk Support Groups > >

Waiting for my last breath

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 08-02-2017, 09:28 AM   #41
eva5667faliure
Grand Magnate
 
eva5667faliure's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: new jersey
Posts: 3,498
My Mood: Waiting for my last breath
Default I do not understand

Why released so soon and there be no buddy system
Someone assigned to them to go to their home drug test them
Have to be working or go to school like my youngest
I cannot get through the adult school
A job I would hope
Or learn how to drive the car
I am told by the child who just tried to kill herself and leave a message to Corissa my youngest
To tell her daughter
"I Love her"
I M so fin angry I want to shake the crap out of her
Then to tell me because she is home as if nothing already
Can see no changes just missing mommy
I have some work to do hoping I can get her to start
Somewhere
A n I'm ordered to her exact words
"I hope you come down on her like you just came done in me"
That be knock it off
Knock it off and get you crap together
And be a mother you say you want to be but pull this turd over and over again
Cause you say I can't do it
There is NO I CANT
one either goes or doesn't
Like my youngest
She can be on her phone with all the social friends
But not school
So I will get all info hand it to her and if she doesn't do anything with it
The part time job she's getting ASAP
WILL BECOME FULL TIME
BUT YO BE ORDERED
I ant to punch the turd out of her
Went to the doctor yesterday
I need a vascular doctor
Nothing he can do
Money spent I needed
As I'm taking away from money for my meds
Done
Me
__________________
someone who cares
eva
eva5667faliure is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
PamelaJune (09-29-2017)
Old 08-03-2017, 11:23 AM   #42
ger715
Magnate
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Illinois
Posts: 2,162
My Mood: Waiting for my last breath
Heart

Quote:
Originally Posted by eva5667faliure View Post
Why released so soon and there be no buddy system
Someone assigned to them to go to their home drug test them
Have to be working or go to school like my youngest
I cannot get through the adult school
A job I would hope
Or learn how to drive the car
I am told by the child who just tried to kill herself and leave a message to Corissa my youngest
To tell her daughter
"I Love her"
I M so fin angry I want to shake the crap out of her
Then to tell me because she is home as if nothing already
Can see no changes just missing mommy
I have some work to do hoping I can get her to start
Somewhere
A n I'm ordered to her exact words
"I hope you come down on her like you just came done in me"
That be knock it off
Knock it off and get you crap together
And be a mother you say you want to be but pull this turd over and over again
Cause you say I can't do it
There is NO I CANT
one either goes or doesn't
Like my youngest
She can be on her phone with all the social friends
But not school
So I will get all info hand it to her and if she doesn't do anything with it
The part time job she's getting ASAP
WILL BECOME FULL TIME
BUT YO BE ORDERED
I ant to punch the turd out of her
Went to the doctor yesterday
I need a vascular doctor
Nothing he can do
Money spent I needed
As I'm taking away from money for my meds
Done
Me

Heartbreaking;
God knows all things.....
Prayers for you and family,

Gerry
ger715 is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
eva5667faliure (08-03-2017), PamelaJune (09-29-2017)
Old 08-04-2017, 07:21 AM   #43
eva5667faliure
Grand Magnate
 
eva5667faliure's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: new jersey
Posts: 3,498
My Mood: Waiting for my last breath
Default The same I say

As I put it out there
God as you are the only one who know the truth
Amen
__________________
someone who cares
eva
eva5667faliure is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
ger715 (08-05-2017), PamelaJune (09-29-2017)
Old 08-08-2017, 08:50 AM   #44
eva5667faliure
Grand Magnate
 
eva5667faliure's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: new jersey
Posts: 3,498
My Mood: Waiting for my last breath
Default Now my sister

Researching how to knot a noose
I tell no lies
It one thing after another
After another
After another
No problem
Dust saying
Won't do it and every single one
Needs me
"Please don't leave us Eva"
"It's always been you who took care of us"
"When I forget how we gave ourselves fun all I have to do is call you, you remember so much"
she tells me again if I don't tell you
"I always loved you and knew you were always there for me"
"Okay so if I have to stick around for you
You need to do the same"
Deals heck of a morning woke at 5:00 AM
Me
__________________
someone who cares
eva
eva5667faliure is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
ger715 (08-09-2017), PamelaJune (09-29-2017)
Old 08-10-2017, 09:27 AM   #45
eva5667faliure
Grand Magnate
 
eva5667faliure's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: new jersey
Posts: 3,498
My Mood: Waiting for my last breath
Default And a memory I wish...

I could have seen it as I do now
I was young
And at that time in the early Seventies
Prosthetic hardware such as one my father would be using
An amputee as a young man and put him in life long depression and it never a issue seeing him with a missing leg
But my point
The leg he had to wear was manican like
Carved wood moulded plastic
He called it his wooden leg
He would put a special sock on the stumps and put it in a hollow opening then wrapped a belt around his waist

And here is the story I'm ashamed of today
Even though he was mental sickness and physical trials I did not understand

I was young and he took me my best friend and her sister and boyfriend
My father was drunk but happy drunk
I was not comfortable as he did not like that my girlfriends sister and boyfriend were kissing
A no no
Back to a hand I should have extended
He took us ice skating
And he decided he was going to ice skate
I was so embarrassed begging my mother to pick me up crying like a baby
Never until thinking about it today
Rather then help him try to skate hold his hand I was thinking about myself
Not how all he wanted was to have fun and I should have extended my hands out to him
He had the nerve to put them on and have some fun that not what I did or felt
And I'm sorry for that
So sorry
Me
__________________
someone who cares
eva
eva5667faliure is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
PamelaJune (09-29-2017), PurpleFoot721 (08-10-2017)
Old 09-29-2017, 09:42 AM   #46
eva5667faliure
Grand Magnate
 
eva5667faliure's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: new jersey
Posts: 3,498
My Mood: Waiting for my last breath
Default You piece of turd

You better be taking care of your grandchildren
Who are living
And the ones who didn't make it
You make me sick today
Sick
I will never throw in the towel
Like you did
The only joy I have in my life
My granddaughter
My children
My two sisters
Nephew
I let many go to do a job I wanted to take on
They have been shorted in life by their fathers
They abandoned them when they were babies
Just to spite me
They left them
And
As you robbed me of my natural process to becoming a young woman
You violated me and my sister
F****d us up
As my baby sister had to see the gun you killed yourself with
Today I wish I could have pulled the trigger
Todays new pain is just to much
Another reason why I hate you today
You better be watching over them babies who never made it in this family
You lowlife coward
Do your F*****g job
I did my best
God forgive us and the terrible choices we make because we try to fill that void that ONLY YOU KNOW
Only to suffer
And suffer
I gave up what only you know Father
I could not be a father to my girls
Nor not know how to be a father to my son
I am sure you are pleased at most of my child rearing
I feel good about the job I did
But we all suffer "THAT VOID"
And I know what it's like to dedicate my all
Good bad or indifferent
But as for my crappy father
Make him work
And take care of the babies that didn't make it in this family
Me
__________________
someone who cares
eva

Last edited by eva5667faliure; 09-29-2017 at 10:05 AM.
eva5667faliure is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
PamelaJune (09-29-2017)
Old 12-15-2017, 08:40 AM   #47
eva5667faliure
Grand Magnate
 
eva5667faliure's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: new jersey
Posts: 3,498
My Mood: Waiting for my last breath
Default As the years get closer

What happened to all of us
We were little a long time ago
And are these giant grownup that have no clue
We go through the motions of our daily routine
What happened to all the hopes and dreams
What happened to the spirit of Christ and his birth
Did we forget Emanuel

What is in the spirit of the Christmas holidays
For me
Family
To want to be in each otherÂ’s company
To WANT to be in otherÂ’s company
It is here we IÂ’ll be a family
We have each other that will have a part they have in this family
A seat in their role as when they were born

My fathers bitrhday it will be in another day
ItÂ’s been 47 years since we had him live in our company
CanÂ’t help but wonder what happened
Why did he go
So many unexplained questions that surface at certain times of the year
My youngest all in her glory soon to be twenty
Not a clue yet about where she is headed
It b
Needs to start
ThatÂ’s all there is to that
Start somewhere
School a part time job
Driving lessons
I am so happy she is home
Doing so much better health wise
She hasnÂ’t gotten a uti or any problems in that neck of the woods
I have been holding on
Giving her the time and it is here
She has a deadbeat father
Does not a thing to help her in the proper way
And it can be done
It is a difficult thing to have to deal with but know I will not give up on her
She will find her way
And it starts with the support of ones family
To have your family as your cheerleader
She can do it
And will do it
I have hope that she will see
There comes a time when I canÂ’t do it alone
It is s very trrrible place
And to watch your children not know how to lay s bill
Or what it means when abody is feverish I have a way
And with Eva here what better time to teach her as she said she would take care of her if my time come
So just reality
And it is tough
Very tough
Just to put someone else before self
It isnÂ’t easy but so can be done
I have hope I can help as she the one who had to go through the time her sister got high and they took the baby away
She is still going through those feelings
As it is a job to take care of another that is small and grows in ones care everyday
The people she is dependent on
I just want to cry
It hurts so badly
She is such a fun kid so smart
Still not exposed to the outside world other then the kids in school
And thatÂ’s not cool
ThatÂ’s not what it was like when my kids were in school
ItÂ’s my limitation
And then a family that is scattered
Terrible that mom and dad not allowed without sipervuson
Where is the other grandmother
They live with her
Andbin the same time
Eva is reserved not to want to be there
She doesnÂ’t like it
I never ever speak or ask what itÂ’s like when she is there
I hoped it was fun
Only to find out differently
I am so torn up
Into a thousand pieces
Never to be put together again
The pieces wouldnÂ’t fit
It would have changed
What can I say
I wish nothing but happiness for my family
Let the time together mean something
And notbe unhealthy
Let it be a good feel
Let it have a good feel
Please let the year strengthen them not to ever give up or give in
You sll matter all
Injesus name
Amen
__________________
someone who cares
eva

Last edited by eva5667faliure; 12-15-2017 at 09:46 AM.
eva5667faliure is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
PamelaJune (12-17-2017)
Old 12-16-2017, 08:31 AM   #48
eva5667faliure
Grand Magnate
 
eva5667faliure's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: new jersey
Posts: 3,498
My Mood: Waiting for my last breath
Default His birthday

Took himself out at 47
__________________
someone who cares
eva
eva5667faliure is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
PamelaJune (12-17-2017)
Old 12-24-2017, 09:39 PM   #49
pooh_ac
Member
 
pooh_ac's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: nowhere nebraska
Posts: 634
My Mood: Waiting for my last breath
Heart Long time gone

I have not been here in a very long time. Eva I was hoping your life was improving. I cannot help you from here but I can send HUZS
__________________
Illegitimi non carborundum
For he shall give his angels charge over thee,
to keep thee in all thy ways.
psalms 91:11
pooh_ac is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
eva5667faliure (02-10-2018)
Old 03-11-2018, 05:04 PM   #50
eva5667faliure
Grand Magnate
 
eva5667faliure's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: new jersey
Posts: 3,498
My Mood: Waiting for my last breath
Default Can’t keep up

Eva’s mother another failed attempt and arguing with me about being with Eva
And having to make excuses why mom isn’t around
No more
Dear God
No more
I just doesn’t stop
Me
__________________
someone who cares
eva
eva5667faliure is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
PamelaJune (03-11-2018)
Reply

Tags
breath, day, feel, life, love

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Out of breath proudest_mama Parkinson's Disease 12 03-28-2009 02:27 PM
Does Anyone Have Shortness of Breath? Kitty Multiple Sclerosis 23 03-12-2008 08:51 PM
Breath taking allentgamer Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy (RSD and CRPS) 10 10-26-2007 11:33 PM
Can I watch his last breath? befuddled2 Bipolar Disorder 15 09-14-2007 08:17 AM


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:55 AM.
Brought to you by the fine folks who publish mental health and psychology information at Psych CentralMental Health Forums

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment
provided by a qualified health care provider. Always consult your doctor before trying anything you read here.


Powered by vBulletin • Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Optimisation provided by DragonByte SEO v2.0.31 (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2018 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.

All posts copyright their original authors • Community GuidelinesTerms of UsePrivacy Policy