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Waiting for my last breath

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Old 03-12-2018, 05:50 AM   #51
eva5667faliure
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Location: new jersey
Posts: 3,442
My Mood: Waiting for my last breath
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When one understands some things are just out of ones control
But we do and can make choices
Oh how many time at this point and time in my life
I never thought a thought of not waking up entered this mind
I know those thoughts brought on by meds I was on
It does horrible things to some of us
Mental disease do not taken seriously
With our president who is concerned what isnít being done
Look at our vets
How many off themselves as ptsd ravaging ones mind and body
To wake and not know why our mind is where it is
Hard it is
So hard when not taken seriously
I remember those days he my father would have a bout of depression that would last for it seem like forever
Not in a million years did it ever enter my mind no matter how hard things got
But when my mind would not listen to what I was telling it
And it was a thought my shrink brushed it off
Fired him after 7 years
Wasted time
Had no problem writing out scripts
But to listen to what I was trying to explain nope
And I look at all of my tiny family
See and understand
It isnít their fault
Doesnít make things easier
If fact harder it becomes
And to have my granddaughter to worry over
Enjoy I do
Made honor roll again
To have learned that those with high iqís suffer mental disease blew me away
I see it know it and canít do anything about it
So little is known about the brain
Hoping sometime soon it will be addressed and taken seriously
However money the root of ALL evil trumps the real work that needs to be looked at
Hoping my daughter will come to a place she will understand why she canít be around her child at this point and time
Sometimes I think when she does see her child it triggers negative thoughts
As if she were punishing herself
Itís so difficult to watch and I so understand
No answers
Me
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Old 06-09-2018, 05:11 AM   #52
eva5667faliure
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: new jersey
Posts: 3,442
My Mood: Waiting for my last breath
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Just the last three televised suicide
Has indeed triggered something
What I donít know
But I understand their act
As if it were the answer
Knowing of course it is not an option
Not in my case
But I get them
Robins death is still with me
Never left
The struggles of addiction not chump change
Along with depression as we try so hard to mask it
Put it at bay
Not to deal with all the pain as there is just to much of it
And one just doesnít know where to shove it anymore
If itís not one thing itís another
What had become of us
Isnít anybody listening
All those professionals
Out for the buck
There is just a small few who really give a s**t
And we get up and put one foot in front of the other and just do
And wait for that time to come
Not a way to live
But itís the truth in this ones case
Who will care
As there is no care now
Who will care
It wonít matter there wonít be anymore pain of any kind
All gone
I watched him cook and travel all over the world
His passion as it was mine
And that was taken from me
Take just like that
My family I have arenít listening
They are loving their lives in a not very healthy manner
They too suffer extreme depression
But do nothing about it
My father took his life
Just like that
Out a gun to his heart knew how to do it as he was a hunter
Iím one shot
All gone
And the pain he suffered gone just like that
Where are they all going
Why are we suffering the mental pain along with addiction
I am a recovering alcoholic over three decades
Young I was when I new I had a problem
It never went away
Many tomes I think how much easier it would be to pick up a drink
As it is my drug of choice
And having to be a slave to these meds Iím on
Hate it
I so hate it all
I wish I could feel the happiness I see some experience
What happened to us
Me
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