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Old 01-19-2017, 09:41 AM #421
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Default for the second time

its tough enough having to type
this is the second time in two days my writing is lost
i follow the instructions
to back and reload
doing that wiped it away
precious time of work gone
sick of it
me
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Old 01-19-2017, 06:54 PM #422
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Default

Eva I had that issue for a while on my iPad, it's something to do with the amount of time you have been on the NT site & it registers you as being inactive so when you go to post it says you have to reload. To get round it, before I posted anything I pressed the key to select all, then copy and voila, in the event the page came up with reload I was able to log back in and just paste and then post. So once in the habit of copying what I intend to post just before posting I rarely have to go back and retype - I hope this little tip helps, I know just how darn frustrating it is to lose all the thought and effort you have previous put in

Quote:
Originally Posted by eva5667faliure View Post
its tough enough having to type
this is the second time in two days my writing is lost
i follow the instructions
to back and reload
doing that wiped it away
precious time of work gone
sick of it
me
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I can still remember what life was like before pain became my life long companion
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Old 01-20-2017, 09:13 AM #423
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PamelaJune View Post
Eva I had that issue for a while on my iPad, it's something to do with the amount of time you have been on the NT site & it registers you as being inactive so when you go to post it says you have to reload. To get round it, before I posted anything I pressed the key to select all, then copy and voila, in the event the page came up with reload I was able to log back in and just paste and then post. So once in the habit of copying what I intend to post just before posting I rarely have to go back and retype - I hope this little tip helps, I know just how darn frustrating it is to lose all the thought and effort you have previous put in
thanks
angel
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Old 01-31-2017, 08:53 AM #424
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Default our rights

an immigrant myself
parents in refugee camp in south Africa
and in the end final destination USA
have been here since the age of five
to protest in a orderly manner in this melting pot
is gone
many loosing sight in the process i my sister
my parents had to wait in line until we were sworn in
and have my certificate of citizenship
naturalized through my parents
i wanted my certificate
and then to find the corruption in New Jersey
vital statistics handing out bogus birth certificates
had me on a roll
and the entitlement of many who live in my neck of the woods
is so
OUT OF CONTROL
then to have the problems including understanding most of the workers who have difficulties with the English language and to find out here in my neck of the woods licences A VERY IMPORTANT DOCUMENTATION THAT HELP THE POLICE WHEN RUNNING A PLATE given OUT to the persons in exchange for money
and for these illegal activities i along with the rest of the population are subjected to even more chaos

embarrassed at the women march and the behavior so confused
to hear the responses
many had no clue how to answer some question asked of them
will not quote
i'm sure many watched what i did
i see that what i was taught when going to kindergarten taught how to sing after the salute to the flag and that song was
"God Bless America' my home sweet home
standing firm in this country
and having walked in many shoes
i am qualified
I am doing what i can do for my country first
in God i Believe
in Jesus name
Amen
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Old 02-01-2017, 12:06 PM #425
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Default its our lives

the politicians are messing with
THE PEOPLES LIVES
while we wait fora mess of them on the pity pot
and i have to teach my grandchild that grown ups can behave like babies taking a tantrum
so many lairs
so many who steal from this country
this is not hear say
this i have witnessed time and time again
how refreshing
to have someone who isn't afraid to clean out the HOUSE
I AM A PROUD USA CITIZEN
i speak read and write in my language
i was five when i came into this country
it was also the first wave of Cubans that entered in the 70's
and when i started kindergarten i did not have the luxury as the Cuban students had
a teacher for an entire class of children who only spoke Spanish
and my grandchild is being held back as i know personally three generations in the USA and still do not speak the English language
my sweet grandchild has been innocent to come home and ask me the following
and i ask where are the educators
mimma "some boy in my class told me the middle finger means a bad word"
next
mimma "what does sex mean"
apologies in advance
next
mimma "what does nigger mean"
and i can go on
on top of all this
it was explained to me by the principal that this all takes place during lunch
i had to correct her
it happened in class during relax time
but
what really angered me was the next thing she explained
as i asked where are the lunch monitors where are the adults when this is going on
"i am sorry, but they are hired and do not speak English"
you read right
i was just beside myself
i hear the security guards hired by the city
what i want to know how can a person learn a language if it isn't being practiced and used on school grounds
the bus drivers the same problem
why am i asked "why don't i learn how to speak Spanish"
and when asked this question i respond in my language
and tell them in my language
"why don't you learn how to speak Hungarian?"
NO ANSWER
in this all
i am now dealing with learned behavior
and who is going to fix this problem
and how dare i be told to learn the language
by the way
i have picked up the language
as the majority came first
i was left behind not only taught myself the English language
while in kindergarten it was my Cuban friend Elizabeth who taught me what i know and picked up the rest as time went on
so my question is why is there three generations living in the USA and NOT WANT TO LEARN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE
this i was told by them
WRONG
my children could not get a job in our home town because they needed to be bilingual
i am spoken to not in English when entering a store or at a doctors office better yet over the phone
REALLY
ENOUGH ALREADY
and call me raciest
I DON'T THINK SO
my fourth child is part Hispanic
ENOUGH ALREADY
my grandchild is being held back as the teacher has to help those who do not understand
in this all
my message is
am i not in a country that speaks the English language in school and if "I" want to learn a different language there are elective classes i could take
but to force me
I DON'T THINK SO
WHAT WILL SHE COME HOMEWITH TODAY
me
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Old 02-03-2017, 08:32 AM #426
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Default so as i go through my new scare

and a birthday gift to myself
happy birthday to me
five years almost to the month
as January 9, 2012 i had my double mastectomy
my mother nowhere to be found
what a terrible thing for that little girl inside
that's always wondering
what did i do
why
the woman who brings me to the world
and to recently tell my baby sister
she wasn't wanted by her
she was to be aborted
until my father intercepted the call from the hospital for the procedure
i am 9 years at this point
i already knew much
don't expect to hear from her
we three girls at one point in our life asked
what was it like the day you went into labor with me
she can't remember so she says
not much
leaving it at that
a father who checked out 47
leaving blame
is it me
i don't think so
at the top of my lungs
this morning i sang a Doris Day song
"Que Sera Sera"
and the Frankie baby
"i did it my way"
and it felt awesome
just awesome
i am only given what i can handle
parable or not
i have to believe in goodness
goodness
kindness
to get on the elevator
and a timid fragile woman in every way
taken aback when i said
good morning
having the courage to change the things i can
when she looked into my eyes i could see the smile in them
before she got off i said
one moment at a time
she said thanks
got off on the 7th floor
chances i will never see her again
where is the honor for truth
why are people afraid of the truth
or being caught doing something they are not allowed to do
yet knowingly ignore the rules
and try and hide it
not own up to it
suffer the consequences that come with knowing
YOU ARE BREAKING THE RULES, THE LAW, and you will be caught
and then lie through their teeth
swear up and down
they didn't do that
there was a time one said in video
that isn't me
my thought process believe it or not
of my granddaughter
the learned behavior i am dealing with
i am a sinner
we all are
but as i got older
this is what my assessment is
in my own experience
i am today trying to be the best i could be
it was a tough day yesterday
today is different
i wake and wonder
what is it going to be in the end
and that be the will of Heavenly Father
so i turn another year older
a little girl that still lives
is a bit wiser
and blessed by Heavenly Father
in Jesus Christ
Amen
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Old 02-05-2017, 08:03 AM #427
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Default Having to mend this body

My OBGYN looking into doctors he knows
Having the insurance I now have
DOSENT get me far
But I fight all the way through
And hold them accountable
I'm sure it has been figured out
I have no problem when I have personally gone through something will not hold this tongue
Doctors who stood before me and dropped their heads in shame
To have been lied to buy the reconstructive doctor
What my OBGYN isn't hearing
If he finds me a really good doctor
I will have them taken out
And I want to have a symmetrical look
A flat chest
Only with a clean look
Does this make sense
Waiting for a happy feeling moment with this very broken body
L4L5 hurt so badly
Won't even even talk about my neck and shoulders
The muscles in my body gone
This beautiful body lost all its muscle
Because I have been walking with a cane for the past five years
the muscle in on calf is thinner than the other
My head still keeping it afloat
Having so many situations going on at once
Am I coming or going
I am so tired of the doctors
My lungs hurt
I woke up sometime last week
And my tongue hurt
You read right
I'm like
What the ****
my tongue
It lasted for two days
I brutal on my mouth
Having all my teeth
And one cavity in my lifetime
I brush at my tongue
Sometimes a bit to hard
Maybe it be the cause
What a weird feeling
Amazed at what the body can produce
Just like that
So
Taking all one moment at a time
Hoping to feel mentally better now
OFF THE TAMOXIFEN
we shall see
We shall see
Me
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Old 02-06-2017, 09:49 AM #428
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Default

Happy Birthday, Eva.

I know you've had a difficult life and that lots of things can trigger bad memories for you...

I'm sorry it was such a tough day

Love,
Kay
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Old 03-05-2017, 08:03 AM #429
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Default Finding my own happiness

I need to let go
I need to say STOP
I need God to push me around a bit
I can't do it all
And I get no help
And this woman has been the rock for this family as far back as I can remember
It is time for me to laugh smile be happy
Not to worry worry and tell my children to stop
A time has come when enough is enough
Being pull in all directions go others and loosing myself
is not what I want to allow anymore
I need to not pick up the phone
I need not to help them figure things out for them
They all have their own journey so let them be Eva
Let them not dump on me when crap hits the fan
This is my life
The one life on this earth
As my body rots I must feed my spirit and continue to take care of me and MIT let others hurt or take my happiness from me
I need to make me first after praising my Heavenly Father
I need to laugh I miss laughing
I need positive energy in my life
With Jesus Christ my constant everything
I have no true support I know I need
And it hurts my feelings I can be forgotten that quickly
My baby sister who has become my rock
We both call upon Jesus Christ and accept what is put before us an leave the rest behind
Happiness is my goal to laugh
A huge belly laugh
That would last and last can be a good thing
Laughing my medicine
I am responsible in what I let in my life
No more depression
I will take what Heavenly Father has in store for me
I will try and do things with laughter
I miss laughing
Where did it go
Where is that hard core belly laugh
I have to capture it back
I will let the doctors do their crane I will try and bring laughter back into my life
One way or another
The spring weather is here
It feel awesome to watch the world tilt and watch the sun get closer and closer
To all who know me
I wish you all a belly laugh in your day
I will get what I need when I let go of the garbage
Not only mine but my families garbage
Enough already
Enough
No more dumping your problems on my lap and think its
"My job"
Done with this strategy that does not work
Because they still want to do things their own way
Until they throw in the towel and understand they cannot get sober alone
I have to step back and not get tangled in their chaos
And not take on any help until they work on themselves
It is so painful to watch
So I have decided to not be involved physically either
Out if sight out of mind to a point
But I must for me
And my own happiness
Happiness laughter love and be loved in return
Accept I must take this road alone
I will
I will push myself into a new way to start my very painful mornings
I cannot count on them
I must let this set in
I have me my Heavenly Father
The man we know as Jesus Christ sent in his image for our sins and debt in full
As this body get older may my spirit increase in strength to get younger in spirit is to get closer I get to be with Heavenly Father
This is for sure the way I want to live my life as it comes closer to and closer to a youthful spirit be what I achieve
I am going to work on my happiness and to put that smile on my face
No more sadness
No more bad news
No more sitting on the potty
May depression be trumped by happiness and laughter
Laughter
For us all
Blessings to us all
Amen
Me
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Old 03-06-2017, 09:41 AM #430
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Default It is felt

Not ready to talk to him
He
My son asks
Or senses I'm distant
I told him he was right
And that I needed to get my thoughts together
before we talk
It's felt
Me
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